The things I wanted from him got me hurt. The things I needed did too, but it was different. It was the kind of hurt that I could protect myself with. The kind of hurt that I could use to make sure he wouldn’t break my heart again in this lifetime.
“You don’t mean that.” He searched my face, and I knew I needed to get out of here. He looked so desperate, so scared of what I would say next, and I hated it. I hated that every part of me wanted to take that look away from him. I wanted to assure him that I would give him whatever he wanted from me.
But that was the problem.
If I didn’t put distance between us, I would. I would give him everything, and he would take it.
And I would be left with nothing.
“I do.” I moved to get past him, but he leaned into me, his body pressing against mine.
“I’m sorry.” He choked out the words near my ear, and everything inside me felt like it was at war with itself.
I was so confused, so tired, and I didn’t know how to answer him.
I didn’t know how to stay away from him when everything made me feel like I was being pulled back.
“For what?” I turned my face to look at him, and our lips were so close to each other. His breath feathered against my lips as his chest rose and fell against mine, and even though I wanted to hate the feel of all of it, I didn’t.
It felt like I was exactly where I was meant to be.
“For everything.” He looked so hesitant as he spoke. “I’m sorry about the bet. I’m sorry that you think that what happened between us was fake. I’m sorry that I’ve been treating you like shit for a really long time.”
“Carson.” I shook my head.
“It’s the truth. I’ve been a damn fool, and I’m sorry.” He gripped my side in his hand, his fingers digging into me, and I didn’t stop him.
“I don’t forgive you.”
His fingers tightened against me. “I don’t expect you to.”
“Then what do you expect? What do you want?” It was the question I was dying for him to answer and for him to finally give me some truth. I needed to know what he was going to take from me next, what I was going to give.
“I want you to forgive me even though you shouldn’t. I want you to give me another chance.” His voice was soft and like a caress over my skin.
“I can’t.” I looked away from him, but he reached out and caught my chin with his other hand.
“Please, Allie.” His lips were pressed against my skin as he spoke, and they broke through every barrier I had against him.
I couldn’t just give him everything he wanted. I couldn’t let him take everything I had to give, but I also couldn’t walk away from him. Not in that moment when he was looking at me like I was the only thing that would take all his demons away.
He didn’t deserve me, but I would give another piece of myself to him regardless.
I had no choice.
I didn’t answer him because I knew he wouldn’t like what I had to say. What I was giving him wasn’t another chance, it was another moment. It was a moment that we both needed. A moment that I couldn’t deny.
I turned to face him more, and I gently pressed my lips against his. He let out a harsh breath and his hands tightened against me.
He held me there for only a moment before his control seemed to snap and he buried his hand in my hair. His hold was painful, but I didn’t want him to loosen it. My body begged for more.
His mouth slammed down against mine, and his kiss was frantic and wild. I could taste his hope on my lips and his desperation on my tongue. This was no longer a game to him. He wanted me as much as I had wanted him for years, and he was no longer the one who was in control.
Not really.
His teeth nipped against my bottom lip before he sucked it into his mouth, and I brought my hands to his shoulders to hold myself steady. As much as I wanted to hate him, my body still wanted him. I wanted everything I knew he could give me.
He kissed down my chin and along my jaw before moving to my neck. My hips jolted forward against his as his tongue tasted every inch of skin he passed. Every part of me felt like it was on edge, begging for his touch yet wholly unprepared.
“I need to taste you,” he murmured against my skin before dropping to his knees in front of me.
He didn’t wait for my answer before he lifted my shirt and pressed his mouth to my stomach. His tongue ran over my belly button as his fingers worked my shorts down my hips.
He was wasting no time. There were no pretenses about what either of us wanted. He ran his nose over the softness of my stomach before looking up at me. He didn’t take his gaze away from mine as he pressed his mouth over my panties.
I tensed and bit down on my bottom lip. I was so ready, so desperate for him to give me more.
His fingers were spread wide as he pushed them up along my thighs, but they were so sure once they reached my panties. He jerked them down my legs until they fell to my feet with my shorts.
He was no longer looking up at me. He was staring straight ahead at my pussy, and I tried to breathe as I watched him.
I should have stopped him. Logically, I knew that, but I couldn’t. I would face whatever consequences I had to face. I would deal with the heartbreak I knew I would feel when I walked out of here, but I just needed this rush he gave me.
If only for a moment, I needed to feel his hands on me and to pretend like nothing else mattered but the two of us.
It was a lie I was more than willing to believe for the moment. A taste of his lies was far better than the truth. His lies were better than anything else I had ever experienced.
He slid his tongue against me before groaning. “God, you are so fucking wet.”
I couldn’t bring myself to be embarrassed. Instead, I lifted my foot and kicked off my clothes from around my ankles to give him better access to my body.
He lifted my thigh in his hand before I could get my foot back to the ground and put it over his shoulder. I was so open, so exposed in front of him, but he didn’t lift his head away from my pussy for even a moment.
He dove into me. His mouth licking, sucking, and nipping at my flesh. I pushed even closer to him as I buried my hands in his hair. I was on my tiptoes with my head thrown back against the wall, and I felt like I was barely hanging on by a thread.
I could fall at any moment, and he would be the only thing I had to hold me up. He was the person I should have trusted least in the world, but I knew that even now that wasn’t true.
“Carson,” I called out his name because I already felt so close to an orgasm.
“You taste so good.” His words vibrated against my pussy as his hand dug into my hip. “This pussy is mine, Allie. Do you hear me?”
I nodded even though we both knew what we were saying didn’t really matter, but he growled at my answer. He lifted my other foot from the ground, gripping my thigh in his hand, and he rested it against his other shoulder.
I was in the air, my back against the wall, the weight of me resting on his shoulders, and he barely seemed to notice. He ate me harder as his hands dug into my ass, tugging me closer to his mouth.
“Oh, God. Yes.” I held on to him for dear life as I moved against him. I couldn’t stop myself. My hips rolled against his face, and it only seemed to spur him on.
He sucked my clit into his mouth, and I slammed my head back against the wall. My orgasm rolled through me, the feeling racing through every corner of my body. Carson had complete control over me. I didn’t know where I began and he ended. I didn’t know how I was still leaning upright against the wall.