He was nothing but a stranger.
“I can’t deal with this.” I tucked my joint behind my ear and stood from my chair. My mother’s gaze bounced back and forth between me, and my father and immense guilt flooded me.
My mother couldn’t choose between us. She refused to, even though he had given her every possible reason not to choose him.
When I looked at her, that was all I could see.
She had become the woman who would choose that asshole over her son and so much less like my actual mother.
“Mom. I’m going to head out.” I could hear my dad still arguing behind me, but I completely blocked him out. He could rant all day about all the punishment and consequences for my actions, but he wouldn’t stay here long enough to see any of it through.
All three of us knew that.
“Where are you going tonight?” She stared up at me and tucked her hair behind her ear.
“Just to Beck’s.” It was a lie. I was far too fucked up in the head right now to head back to Beck’s. After everything that happened with Allie yesterday, and now dealing with my dad. I just needed to do something.
“I worry that you’re there too much. I don’t want you to impose on them.” What she really didn’t want was for me to leave her. I felt it in my soul, but she never said it. She wanted me to stay here and watch her waste away to nothing, but I couldn’t do it.
I did it for so long, and I just couldn’t anymore.
Because watching what he did to her, what he was still doing to her, it broke something inside of me that I couldn’t fix.
“Don’t worry, Mom. We stay out of Mr. and Mrs. Clermont’s hair.” I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. I lingered there, taking in her familiar scent that filled me with nostalgia but also crushed me. She had always smelled like flowers, the kind that were wild and unkept and grew wherever they wanted, but now that was tainted with the strong smell of liquor on her tongue.
“I’ll be back in the morning to check on you.”
I didn’t speak another word to either of them as I walked out of my house and out to my car. I had barely spoken to Olly or Beck today, and I had no idea what their plans were. I had no doubt that Beck was with Josie, and that meant Allie was probably nearby as well.
I sat in my driver’s seat and bounced my leg as I stared down at my phone. Every part of me wanted to be with her. I wanted to call her right now and find out where she was so that I could find her. But I knew that wasn’t what she wanted.
She hated me, probably more than I even realized, and yesterday did nothing to change that. If anything, it only made things worse.
I didn’t want Allie to think that the only thing I wanted from her was sex, because it wasn’t. Sex with her was amazing. I wouldn’t deny that, but Allie was so much more than that. I had been an idiot for so damn long not to see it.
Where are you all at? I sent the text to Olly and Beck as I backed out of the driveway, and the reply from Olly was almost instant.
We’re at the beach party. It’s probably not a good idea for you to come.
I stared down at his message and was about to reply when his next message came through.
I’ll come hang with you.
Fuck that. I pressed his name and lifted the phone to my ear.
He answered with a sigh. “Hey, man.”
“Why shouldn’t I come there?” I knew it had to do with Allie. Olly was the level-headed one, and I knew that he was just trying to protect her.
“Allie’s been drinking. A lot, actually. I don’t really think she wants to see you.”
“Did she say that?” My heart pounded in my chest. Of course, she would say that. She had every right to, but I still hoped that she didn’t. It was fucking irrational and stupid.
I had spent the last several weeks doing nothing but lying to her about that stupid bet, and now I expected something from her like she owed me anything. She didn’t. Not a single thing, but I still wanted it.
It was so fucked up.
“Not exactly, but...” He trailed off, and I was about to scream before he finally spoke again. “She’s had plenty to say about you in front of everyone.”
I pulled out of my driveway and turned right toward the beach I knew they were at. I couldn’t stop myself. If I was smart, I would have just gone back to Beck’s and played a video game until they got home, or I would have called up some girl to make me forget all about Allie. But I wasn’t smart.
“I’m headed that way.”
Olly huffed, but me and him both knew it was going to happen. There was no way in hell I was going to leave Allie there drunk and not go and try to, fuck, I don’t even know. Take care of her? Be around her? Just look at her for a damn second.
“Just don’t show your ass. I’m not in the mood to clean up a fight tonight.”
“I would never.”
Olly chuckled at my words before hanging up the phone.
It didn’t take me long to get to the beach. I could see the light of the bonfire from the road, and there were several cars parked along the edge of the sand and blocking my view.
I tucked my phone into the front pocket of my jeans as I climbed out of my car. It was cool tonight, and I was thankful I decided to wear my hoodie. I pulled the hood up around my head as I made my way down to the beach.
I spotted Josie and Frankie as soon as I passed the line of cars. They were both laughing with a drink in their hands, but I didn’t see Allie. I headed toward them as I searched the crowd for her. Then I saw her sitting down in the sand with the biggest grin on her face.
I walked up next to Beck and Olly, but Allie didn’t notice me. She leaned her head back and stared up at the night sky while her curls whipped around her face in the ocean breeze. She was so damn beautiful, and she looked so happy.
I watched her, the smile on her face not fading for a second, and I knew that it was a mistake for me to come here. I should have let her have this moment, this night, to herself without me ruining everything for her.
I took a step back, and Olly cocked his head to stare at me. I nodded to the car before lifting my chin in his direction, then slowly turned and started making my way up the beach.
I was such an idiot. Moments like this, when I saw how happy she was when I wasn’t around, these were the moments that fucked with my head the most. Being with me didn’t make Allie happy. If anything, I hurt her more than not.
And I couldn’t do that to her regardless of how much I wanted the opposite to be true.
I had made it about five steps away when I heard my name pass her lips.
“Are you really just walking away like none of us saw you standing there?”
I looked over my shoulder, and she had one eye winked open to look at me.
“You seemed to be enjoying yourself.” I shrugged just as she closed both of her eyes.
“I was. I still am.” She patted the sand next to her. “Come sit with me.”
Both Frankie and Josie were eyeing me as I passed by them, but I gave them the biggest smile I could muster. Josie rolled her eyes, and a genuine smile ghosted upon my lips.
I sat down in the sand next to Allie, leaving a good foot between us, and she turned to look at me. “Where have you been?”
“With my parents.” I searched her face as she stared at me. “Getting my ass reamed for getting benched.”