“Fuck.” I shook my head and looked back at the party before looking at her again. “It’s not.” I thought carefully about the next words I said to her because I needed her to know that they were the truth. Regardless of everything else that happened between us, this was the truth. “I know that I’m fucked up. I know that better than anyone, and I also know that I’ve taken my fucked-up shit out on you.”
She pulled her gaze away from mine, but I lifted my hand and touched her jaw until she was forced to see me again. “I am sorry for what I’ve done. I’m sorry that I fucked up our friendship with my own family bullshit. I’m sorry that I was so damn cruel to you all these years because I couldn’t physically stand to watch you, and I’m sorry for everything that happened with Eli and that fucking bet.”
She shook her head rapidly as if she was trying to convince herself not to believe me.
“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt, especially after—"
“After what?” Her harsh voice interrupted me.
“After everything that happened between us. I care about you, Allie.”
“I can’t.” She looked up at me, and I saw the shift in her eyes. She didn’t want to hear my words or apologies. They didn’t matter to her. Not now, maybe not ever. “I’m not trying to be your girlfriend, Carson. I’m trying to get off. Can you do that, or should I find someone else?”
My temper flared, and I watched every small movement of her body as I tried to calm myself down. She dropped her hand from my skin and turned to head back to the party, but I grabbed her hand in mine before she could move out of my reach.
I jerked her backward until her back hit my chest and the small moan that left her mouth was like fuel to my anger and lust. I wanted to fuck her right there in the sand to prove to anyone who could possibly see us that this girl belonged to me. It didn’t matter that she didn’t believe it.
She was mine, and she had been for a long damn time.
And if what she wanted, needed from me, was to give her a simple fucking release, then I would do that for her. I knew that she wouldn’t hate me any less tomorrow. Hell, she might even hate me more, but I refused to let anyone else touch her. Not when she came to me first.
If Allie was going to allow me to touch her, then I was going to take it. I would take any and everything she would give me at this point, even if that meant she would still walk away from me at the end of it.
I pressed my hand into her stomach, and I felt it tremble beneath my touch. “What do you want, Allie?” I breathed against her neck before I traced her chill bumps with my tongue.
She groaned but didn’t answer me.
I nipped her earlobe with my teeth, and she pressed her ass back against my erection. I couldn’t stop the deep groan that left my mouth or the way my hand tightened on her skin to force her even closer. “Tell me. What do you want?”
“You.” Her voice was breathless and small, and I hated it.
“No, baby,” I whispered against her ear, and she shuddered against me. “I need more than that. Tell me exactly what you want or I’m not touching you.”
She raised her chin defiantly to face me. “I can find somebody else.”
My grip became so tight against her. “No one else is fucking touching you.” I ran my nose along her jaw, and she swayed against me. “I’ll kill anyone who tries.”
“I’m not yours.” There was no conviction to her voice. Not even she believed what she was saying.
“We both know that’s a lie.” I snaked my hand under the edge of my sweatshirt and toyed with the bare skin of her stomach just above her shorts. “Don’t we?”
She leaned her head back and shook her head against my shoulder, and her hips chased the movement of my hand.
“Tell me this is mine.” I sank my fingers lower and cupped her pussy over her shorts. “Tell me who this belongs to, and I’ll give you whatever you want.”
“Oh God,” she cried out as I pressed my hand firmer against her. “It’s yours. Please, it’s yours.”
I buried my hand beneath her shorts and panties, and I groaned deep and heavy when her arousal coated my hand. “You’re so fucking wet for me.” I lapped at the base of her neck as I moved my palm against her clit. She moaned, but I didn’t give her any time before I pushed a finger inside her. She was so damn tight, but I still entered a second as she rolled her hips against my hand.
“I want to feel you.” She lifted her arm and wrapped it behind my neck, and I used my free hand to cup her breast through my sweatshirt as she tugged me tighter against her.
No one could see us where we stood, but we could still see them. Their laughter was like an echo that mingled with the crashing waves of the ocean and the harsh pulls of our rushed breaths.
It didn’t matter either way. They could all be watching us, and I wouldn’t be able to pull away from her. The only one that would be able to stop me was her, and I prayed that she didn’t.
Her legs trembled against mine, and I pulled her harder against my body so she would use me as support as she let go. She reached behind her and forced her hand between our bodies until her touch skated over my cock. I groaned against her skin and moved my hand faster against her.
This was what I had become. Once upon a time, I would barely even notice when a girl would touch me in such an innocent way, but it felt so fucking erotic with her. Her skin wasn’t even touching mine, and already, I felt like I was going to lose myself to her.
“I want to taste you.” She looked back at me, and I brought my lips down against hers. I kissed her until she whimpered against my mouth, but she shook her head. “No.” Her hand tightened over my cock. “I want to taste you here.”
“Fuck.” I pumped my fingers harder inside her and curved them forward until she was pushing to her tiptoes to chase the movement. “Not tonight. I don’t want you to regret it.”
“I won’t.” She kissed my chin before moving along my jaw. “I think about it all the time. I know that I won’t be as good as what you’re used to, but...”
“Goddamn it.” I pulled my hand from her shorts and grabbed her hand in mine before tugging her behind me. There was almost nowhere on the beach that provided any sort of real privacy, but I had to find something.
We moved farther down the beach and I stopped when we got far enough away that I could no longer hear anything but the pounding of my own heart.
I ran my fingers through her hair and nipped her bottom lip into my mouth. She moaned, the sound being swept away in the breeze, before she dropped to her knees in front of me.
Her hands trembled as they moved to my pants, and I could barely stand to watch her.
Allie on her knees before me was a sight that felt too provocative to bear.
She was the most alluring dream and a bewitching nightmare. She was everything I had ever wanted and the one thing I couldn’t endure.
She managed to undo the button of my jeans before she unzipped my zipper. I jumped at the feel of her soft hand against my stomach, and she searched my eyes as she tugged my jeans and boxers down my hips only far enough to give her access.
She ran her tongue over her lips as she stared at my cock, and I almost died. I buried my hands in her hair and stared up at the night sky in an attempt to calm myself down.