“I didn’t. I was reciting a real oath.”
“It’s legit,” agreed Esme. “She got every word of it correct.”
Damn right I did. I was starting to like this Esme chick. Daddy really knew how to pick ‘em.
“I’ll tell you correct words,” said Ash.
Um…what? I held back a laugh. Seriously, was she drunk already? She’d only had a glass and a half of the good stuff.
“Esme can take my sash and go to the strip club in my place,” Ash said. “And I’ll stay back to make sure no one steals our jet. There’s more banana juice, right?” She downed her second glass and handed it to Esme. “More please.”
“You’re my maid of honor. You can’t ditch me.”
“Sure I can.”
“Then you’re uninvited to the wedding.”
“There is no wedding, so that’s fine.” Ash started on her third glass of banana juice.
Damn it! She had a good point. But luckily I knew her weakness. “How about this. You and I will play a classic bachelorette party game. Winner gets to choose if we go to Miami or if we turn around and go back to your Banana Party.”
Ash looked so excited. “And there won’t be any more surprise strippers at my Banana Party?”
I turned to Slavanka.
She shook her head. “No more strippers. I only buy them for thirty minute. I hate waste money. We waste money since we run.”
I turned back to Ash. “There you have it. No more strippers at the Banana Party. Do we have a deal?”
“I would say yes, but I forgot to bring Bananagrams. So I guess we have to turn around to go get it.”
“That is not a classic bachelorette party game.”
“Then no deal.”
“Okay. Esme, would you please tell the pilot to put the plane on autopilot and begin our special show?”
“What?” asked Ash. “What’s his special show?”
I wiggled my eyebrows. There was no special show planned. As much as I loved joking around about our pilot stripping for us…unfortunately he was like…60 years old. And definitely not hot. But Ash didn’t have to know that. “You’ll see.”
“No! Fine. We can play your game.”
“And the winner gets to decide what we do?”
Ash let out a long sigh. “Yes.”
We pinkie-shook on it. “Alright. Game time.” Poor Ash didn’t stand a chance. I opened the cabinet and pulled out my all-time favorite game.
“What the hell is that?” asked Ash. “Is that two dildos?”
Kind of. “You’ve never played Pump Race?”
“No.”
“That’s okay. It’s super simple to play.” I suction-cupped the game to the table and poured water into the reservoir in the middle. “You just pump as fast as you can, and whoever gets squirted in the face first wins.”
“So it’s a handjob race?” asked Ash.
“Exactly!” I took a seat on my side of the table and gestured for Ash to sit across from me. “Ready to lose?”
“I nominate Slavanka as my champion,” said Ash.
Slavanka ripped off half a sausage with her teeth and then put her sausage platter aside. “I give handjob to strange plastic toy.”
“What?” I asked. “This isn’t a medieval trial by combat. You can’t nominate a champion.”
“Gah, fine.” Ash polished off her third glass of banana juice and took a seat.
I double-checked to make sure the game was set to hard mode - that way Ash couldn’t win with a few lucky pumps - and then stretched my wrist out. I didn’t want to injure myself before the real handjobs started.
“May the best woman win,” I said. “Slavanka, you tell us when to begin.”
“Yes,” said Slavanka.
“Does that mean go? Or not?”
“Yes.”
“Which one?” I asked.
“No.”
“What?”
“Yes.”
“Just go!” yelled Esme.
Ash’s hand shot out and started pumping way faster than I had anticipated. But I wasn’t worried. At least…I wasn’t worried at first. But then Ash really started getting into it.
Not only did she have a perfect rhythm, but she was applying a nice circular motion each time she pumped up. She was a freaking natural at giving handjobs. #Respect.
“Getting tired?” I asked after we’d been pumping for at least two minutes. Hard mode was no joke.
Ash laughed. “No way. You?”
“Not a chance.” We both started pumping faster. There was no way I was going to lose this. I had so much freaking practice. Way more than Ash.
But then Ash leaned forward and started sucking on it.
“Damn!” yelled Esme. “You go girl!”
Ash started gagging on it, but that didn’t stop her. She was sucking like a champ.
It was a shame, though, because I never lost. A few more pumps and…
Ash pulled back from her dildo and water spilled from her mouth. She giggled and turned away as the dildo shot more water into her face.
I stared at her in shock. Holy shit. Girl had game.
“Boom!” she yelled. “You lose, sucker!”
“Best out of three?”
“No way. I won fair and square. Which means I choose where we go next.”
“Should I have the pilot turn around?” asked Esme.
“Hell no,” said Ash. “My bestie is getting married, and it’s my job to make sure she has the best night of her life! Onward to Miami!” She threw her hands in the air.
Wait, what?
“Slavanka, give me my dress back. And Esme, bring us all more banana juice!” She hoisted her empty glass into the air. “Best. Night. EVER!”
And suddenly everything made sense. The banana juice had worked its magic and turned cute, nervous Ash into wild, party girl Ash. And I was loving it.
She stripped off her banana pajamas and slid into the slutty little dress.
“Oh my God,” she said. “My ass looks freaking amazing in this.” She clapped her hands over her mouth. “Oh no! Does it look too good? I don’t want to look better than the bride. That would be so rude.”
“You’re fine, Ash.” She was hot, but there was only one Chastity. Moi. I tore off my pajamas and started trying on dresses.
“Slavanka, get over here and try some stuff on!” said Ash. “And you two!” She pointed at Esme and the other flight attendant. “You’re coming too.”
“Really?” they asked.
“Yup,” I said. I knew they rarely got to leave the plane because Daddy went hard. #GetHardPartyHard. It was a boy thing. “You guys have to come. I’d look so lame with only two bridesmaids. I need a whole squad.” I tossed them each a bridesmaid sash and rifled through the dresses on the rack. I needed to find something amazing.
Thirty minutes later, we all looked hot as hell. My four girls were rocking pink mini-dresses with white sashes. But I was gonna get all the stares.
Cleavage? Check.
Tummy? Not a ton showing, but my dress did have a sexy little cut-out.
Legs? Those were the showstopper. My special order Odegaard gladiator boots were giving me life, and they even had a matching white bridal garter.