Ash walked in and screamed. “Holy boobs!”
“Ah! You’re back! Ash, meet my boyfriend, Chad. Chad, meet by bestie, Ash.”
“Wait,” said Ash. “Chad is real? I thought he was just some dude you made up as a joke.”
I laughed. “Uh, no.”
“But you…”
I pressed my finger to her lips. “Hush, child. I know I made him sound too good to be true. But as you can see, he’s very much a real boy.”
“What has she said about me?”
I hadn’t really told her much about him. The only thing she knew about him was that his dick was smaller than the hot jocks’. I’d tell Chad all about my sexcapades later and he could tell me about all the hot Harvard girls he’d been getting down and dirty with. I was sure none of them were even half as hot as me, so whatevs. But I didn’t want Ash spilling the beans. Especially not in the context of him having a tiny penis.
I kept my hand on Ash’s mouth. “I told her that you go to Harvard. And that you’re the smartest person I know. And that you’re amazing in bed.” I smacked Chad’s ass and gave it a nice little squeeze.
“Yup,” said Ash. “That’s exactly what she said. Anyway, I’ll let you two do whatever you two were about to do.” She backed towards the door, her eyes darting back and forth between my exposed breasts and my hand on Chad’s ass.
“Oh.” I laughed and put my boobs away. “We weren’t about to bang, if that’s what you were thinking.”
“Right. Okay. See ya later!”
“Wait,” said Chad. “There’s no reason for you to go. In fact, it’ll be better if you’re here to witness this.”
“Witness what?” replied both me and Ash. Although Ash sounded much more nervous than I did. I was really starting to think she wasn’t ready for a threesome either. What am I saying? It was so much easier for girls. And who would pass up getting pounded on both ends by two strong men?
“Well… I was sitting around with the guys and we got into this deep discussion about what we really want out of life. I mean…we’re all alphas. We have the looks, the money…we can have anything. So it really just comes down to figuring out what gift we want to give to the world.”
“And what gift shall you give?” I asked, trying to hide the amusement in my voice. Chad had seemed like an alpha back in high school. But now? Now I knew better.
“Myself. To you.” He dropped to one knee.
Wow. I smiled to myself. I’d always thought it would be so fun to reject a proposal. But I never expected Chad to propose this early.
“I’ve spent many long nights in the wood-paneled Harvard dorms pondering my life. And I always come to the same conclusion. I want to do whatever I can to make your life amazing. So, Chastity Morgan…when we’re done with college, I promise to make you the happiest woman in the world.” He pulled a ring box from his pocket and snapped it open. The morning light streaming in from the window caught the diamond just so.
It was breathtaking.
But it was only two carats. Two and a half max. Which meant it was just a promise ring. Not an engagement ring. Damn it! So much for getting to reject his proposal.
“So what do you say?” he asked. “Will you make me the happiest man in the world?”
I shrugged and held out my ring finger. He slid the ring onto it.
“Not bad,” I said. I wiggled my fingers around to make it catch the light again. Then I held it up for Ash to see.
She looked completely dumbfounded. “Congrats?”
“Thanks, bestie! Ahh! This is so exciting!”
Chad reached into his back pocket and handed me a sheet of paper. “It’s about to get even better.”
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Read it.”
I unfolded the paper. It was printed on Harvard letterhead.
Chastity Morgan,
Congratulations! You’ve been accepted to Harvard for the Spring 2014 semester.
I didn’t bother reading the rest. Because it was exactly the same as the first acceptance letter I’d received earlier this year. The one I’d turned down. I wasn’t about to waste my college years at Harvard when the guys at the University of New Castle had such bigger cocks. The rumor was true. And I was staying put.
“My roommate’s dad pulled a few strings. Apparently he’s friends with the dean.”
“Aw, babe. It’s so cute that you want me to be with you so badly.”
“So is that a yes? I mean…you can finally leave this shithole and come to a real school with quality people.” He looked over at Ash. “No offense.”
Ash looked very much offended.
“I actually love it here,” I said. I’ve already met some really amazing people.” I walked over and threw my arm around Ash’s shoulders. “And I’ve learned some life-changing stuff.” The Single Girl Rules. If I hadn’t come here, I never would have found them. And then my life would have been terrible and sad and boring. Actually, it still would have been amazing, because I’m amazing. But just like…a little less amazing. And definitely less sexy. God…when was I going to run into a man with 8 abs and 8 inches so that I could make good on Rule #8?
“You belong at Harvard with me,” said Chad, waving my comment off. “It’ll make networking so much easier. Everyone loves you. We’ll be the ultimate power couple. No one will be able to stop us on our way to the White House.”
White House? Had Chad randomly decided that he wanted to be president someday? I decided to play along. “Oooh. Yes! That’ll be so fun! But I have two conditions. One, I get to wear lingerie in my official portrait. And two, we add a pool to the rose garden so that I can tan. And throw epic pool parties, of course.”
“We can discuss the specifics tonight when we go out to celebrate. What’s your favorite bar in town?”
“Grotto’s is pretty great. But that’ll have to wait. Tonight is girls’ night.”
“But I just drove all the way here from Harvard…”
He drove? Well, that was silly peasant behavior. He should have taken a private jet, it would have saved him loads of time. “Yeah, but Rule #2: Girls’ night is every Friday. No exceptions.”
“Rule #2? What are you talking about?”
Am I allowed to tell boys about the rules? I wasn’t sure. I’d have to ask Slavanka if there were any footnotes or additional info to translate that might shed some light on that.
“I’ll explain later. But right now, Ash and I need to get to class.” I dropped my towel and pulled on some super cute leggings and a tank top. “Thanks for the ring, babe!” I gave Chad a kiss on the cheek and then grabbed Ash’s hand and pulled her out of our dorm room.
“Uh…do you mind explaining to me what the hell just happened in there?” she asked.
“I’m not exactly sure, but I think Chad may have discovered cocaine. Hence the promise ring, the silly letter, and his idea of running for president.” It all made sense. Tons of rich guys eventually started snorting coke. We made our way downstairs and out the door of our dorm.