“Okay, I mean… no. I mean, I can’t.” I trip over my words trying to get them straight, “I have a boyfriend.”
“Ah… I should have known as pretty as you are you wouldn’t be single.” His smooth voice makes my cheeks warm. “How about we go out to dinner and not call it a date?”
“I don’t know…” I try to think reasonably but with his silvery eyes looking me over it’s hard to concentrate.
His shoulders slump and his lower lip pokes out ever so slightly. “Aw, Katie, come on. It’ll be fun. We can catch up on lost years.” He looks up at me with heavily lashed eyes.
No part of me wants to say no. So, I don’t. “Okay, Mattie.”
CHAPTER THREE
“Would you like to come back to my room? You can meet my roommate. She’s the greatest.” I gather up my books and look at Matthew. He does look really good. It’s too bad he moved away; we could have had something.
What am I thinking? I have Scotty. Matthew is just my friend from the past. My brain doesn’t seem to be thinking clearly.
“Sure. That sounds perfect.” We start walking across the lawn back to my room. He places his hand on my lower back. I know I should pull away, but I don’t. It’s like the little voice in the back of my mind, the sane one, has taken a vacation.
“So, where have you been?”
“Originally North Carolina, but then some things happened, and I was on my own for a while. I found some new friends who showed me the world a little differently and that helped.”
“How so?” I find myself hanging on to every word, almost as if he was hypnotizing me. His smooth voice caresses my ears.
“I’ll let you know soon.” He drops the conversation and I’m left to puzzle over the reason why.
My steps quicken as we walk through the crowded main floor of my dorm building where hungry students stand in lines for food. Matthew’s gaze floats across a few faces like he’s looking for someone but keeps up with my hurried steps.
Back at my room I unlock my door and step in. Matthew follows and looks around. “Well you sure decorated the hell out of the walls.” He smirks at some of the Bible verses I printed out and taped up, but I pretend not to notice. Not everyone is religious, and I try to respect that.
Instead I blush. My dorm walls echo the ones back home as every blank space is occupied by photos, printed out quotes, and strings of colored lights. “I’m sorry, I like to be creative.” For a moment an awkward silence hangs over us until I break it by addressing the obvious. “I guess Marie went to get food. I’m not sure when she will be back.”
Matthew turns his attention from studying one of my family photos back to me. “Well, isn’t that lucky? I’m sure we can find something to do to pass the time until she gets here.” His husky voice is suggestive, and I begin to feel a little uneasy.
“I told you, I have a boyfriend.” I watch him wearily and rub my palms against the sides of my pants.
“I know, Katie Cat. I’m not going to do anything you wouldn’t want me to.” He flops onto my bed and gestures for me to join him. “I’m only saying we can talk while we wait.”
My heart begins to beat even harder than before. I will my voice to sound strong. “Don’t call me that, please.” I sit on the edge of the bed. Why do I feel like this?
His deep green eyes drill into me and then with one blink they turn silver.
How does he do that?
Suddenly I don’t feel as nervous. The fear drains out of my body. What am I worried about? He’s my friend. He’s not going to hurt me. I lay on my side to face him. He doesn’t try to grab me or pull me in like my earlier fears led me to believe would happen. Instead, he lifts his hand to gently stroke my cheek. “I wish I could have found you sooner.”
Sooner? Before I had a boyfriend? Or before something else?
I place my hand over his. I fight the urge to bring it to my lips to kiss. Just friends. But I want more. All I have to do is surrender…
I feel myself leaning in…
And then the door clicks open. I bolt up into a sitting position out of Matthew’s reach, stunned. What am I doing?
Marie closes the door. “Katie? You here? I have something crazy to tell you -” Her voice cuts off when she looks up and sees Matthew. “I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” She looks at me tilting her head to one side.
“No, no. Marie this is an old friend of mine, Matthew. We haven’t seen each other in years. I brought him up to show him the room and meet you.” I blush knowing my exaggerated hand gestures probably look silly.
Luckily, Marie doesn’t seem to notice. “Oh, hi, Matthew. Nice to meet you.” Marie extends her right hand and Matthew stands to complete the handshake.
“Likewise.” His face is smiling but I watch his eyes drill into Marie. I sense that the two are sizing each other up, both wary of the other.
After a few more seconds, but what feels like hours, Marie begins to shift from one foot to the other. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, but can I talk to Katie alone?”
Matthew raises his eyebrows. “Hope I’m not stepping on anyone’s toes.” He walks to the door. “See you around, Katie.” The door clicks behind him and I turn to stare at Marie.
“What was all that about?”
“I really don’t know. It felt like he was looking at me, but more than you are right now. It was weird. I just don’t feel right about him.” She walks to her side of the room and lays her keys on her messy desk, piled with loose papers and stacks of fantasy books.
“But you don’t even know him.” I start putting away the clothes that I had hastily left out earlier.
“Yeah, that’s the weird thing, I’m really not one to judge strangers but I instantly got a bad vibe from him. The air in this room was thick when I came in so unless you guys were having a heated argument or making out, there is something off about him.”
I flush at the memory of almost kissing Matthew. That was strange. Why would I let myself get that close? Scotty would be crushed.
Scotty…
Guilt grabs ahold of me and squeezes tight. How could I almost do that to him? My breathing goes shallow and I feel lightheaded.
Marie places her hand on my shoulder. “Katie, are you okay? You look like you’re going to puke or pass out. Did you take your meds today?”
Her face is filled with concern. My mouth is dry, so I just nod in answer to her questions. She herds me into the bathroom and lets me slouch to the floor while she turns on the cold water. She soaks a washcloth and kneels beside me to pat my face with it. My pulse slows and my head clears a little. “Thank you, Marie,” I croak.
“No problem. I’m just glad I could be here. You scare me lately.” She smiles down at me.
“Can I have a moment alone?”
Marie purses her lips but agrees. She walks out and shuts the door. I curl in on myself.
I feel so overwhelmed inside. I almost cheated on Scotty. What is wrong with me? My breathing picks up again and my hands become shaky. Sweat beads on my forehead as my thoughts swim like they’re in a tsunami. I press my nails into the palms of my hands, gritting my teeth at the slight pain.