CHAPTER TWO
“Now Cain offered some of the fruits of the land to the Lord, but his brother Abel offered a burnt sacrifice of one of his sheep. The Lord accepted Abel’s offering but rejected Cain’s, which made Cain angry and bitter toward his brother.” Mrs. Barren strolls around the small young adult Sunday school room with her message Bible spread open in her wrinkled hands.
“I’d be angry too… fresh fruit beats burnt sheep any day.” Cassie sits with one foot propped up on her metal chair with her phone in her hand. I occasionally throw questioning glances at her slouched position and lack of interest.
Mrs. Barren glares at her overtop the large round glasses perched at the end of her nose but keeps a calm voice. “Not to the Lord. A blood sacrifice is much more pleasing because of its similarity to the sacrifice of Jesus later. Abel had faith of what God wanted where Cain did not. The Lord warned Cain that jealousy is the threshold to sin, but Cain didn’t listen. Instead, he lured his brother out into the field, picked up a rock, and killed him.”
I run my fingertips over the flimsy pages of my Bible. The worn black cover is hidden by my bright yellow case. Mom gave it to me when I graduated high school and said it was her mother’s. Holding it and reading from it makes me feel connected to Grandma even though she passed away when I was only five. I hope I meet her in Heaven someday.
“Mrs. B, as exciting as this is, it’s 12:00 and I’m leaving.” Cassie pops out of her seat and bustles out the door. Her mane of bright blue hair flowing behind her.
Mrs. Barren sighs and closes her book. “She’s right. The rest of you enjoy your afternoons and we will pick up with our read through in Genesis next week.”
I gently close my Bible and slide the zipper around the case. A frail hand comes to rest on my shoulder and I look up to see Mrs. Barren’s kind smiling face. “I’ve missed seeing you in my class, Kathryn. And where is Scott today? Did he not come home from school this weekend?”
“Scotty says he’s sorry about missing class this week but he’s helping his mom box up some things.” I glance at his empty seat beside me. “I’ve missed being here though. I always learn something new from your read throughs.”
“There’s always more to learn. Even when you get to my age. Well, I better go collect my grandkids. I hope you have a wonderful week at college.” She strolls out the door into the crowded hallway as all the classes begin to empty.
If I even make it to her age.
The dark, invasive thought feels foreign like it’s not my own. Regardless, I feel my heartbeat start to quicken. I have to get out of here.
Hastily, I throw my Bible into my backpack and push through the tightly packed hoard of people. Outside my lungs start to work harder. My breaths become quick and forced as my chest tightens.
In the safety of my little blue Toyota sedan I let the sobs out before they can choke me, wishing Scotty was here to help calm me down. My shaky hands rummage through my purse until they find a small orange prescription bottle. Even though I consistently take my normal dose in the mornings, I’ve found lately I need a second one most days. I pop the round white pill into my mouth and swallow, noting how low my supply has become. I guess it’s a good thing Mom sent a refill in for more.
Leaning back and shutting my eyes for several minutes, I let the medicine take hold. I feel the weight lift, the pressure release, the tension ease. It feels like somebody flipped the panic button back off and everything is okay again. After a few more deep breaths, I’m steady enough to drive the short ten minutes home. Maybe it’s a psychological thing that I feel better so quickly after taking the extra dose. It’s like someone up above is rewarding the bad behavior of overdosing. Or someone down below. Is this what dependence or addiction feels like?
When I pull into the driveway, Mom walks out of the house with an envelope in her hand. She’s still dressed in her pale pink blouse and white pants. Her adult church class must have let out a little early this week. She slips the letter into our mailbox then walks with me into the house.
“Did you want to go have lunch at the diner before heading back to school?” She tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
“Actually, I think I’m going to leave as soon as I change into something more comfortable.” I glance down at my light blue button up and tan dress pants.
“You’re trying to skip out early?” Her brows knit together.
My cheeks flush. “I have a big test to study for.” It’s not a complete lie but I still feel a little rush of guilt. I don’t make trips home on weekends often since I normally work, but the longer I’m here the higher chance of her seeing me have a weakness in sanity.
“I guess that’s a valid excuse.” Her face softens. “I’ll tell your dad you said you love him.”
“I can call him tonight.” I bound up the stairs and replace my stiff clothes with black sweatpants and a plain purple T-shirt. Anna watches me from my bed. I scratch behind her ears and kiss the air in front of her nose. “I’ll be back old girl.” Her tail swishes against the bed covers.
Back downstairs, Mom follows me outside. “Now are you sure you have everything?”
“Yes, Mom,” I say as I shove my suitcase in my trunk and walk around to the driver’s door where she’s waiting expectantly.
“You better call me when you get there.”
“You know this isn’t the first time I’ve ever driven to college. I will. No worries.” I give her a big squeeze and slide into the driver’s seat. I roll down the window and turn the catchy pop music up.
“Don’t forget to stop and pick up your medicine,” Mom yells at the last minute as I start to drive away. I give her a thumbs up out the window.
Once out of our neighborhood and on the highway, I reach for my phone and click Cassie’s name in my contacts. I roll my windows up and the rings come through my car speakers until she picks up. “Hello?”
“Hey, what are you up to?” I hear her click off the music playing in the background.
“Just chilling in my room. You?”
“I’m headed back to Riverside, but I wanted to call and ask what was up with you in class today?” There are some muffled sounds as if she’s squirming uncomfortably. I let the silence stretch on as I watch the distant Appalachian Mountains fly by my windows.
“I don’t know why I acted like that,” Cassie’s small voice finally answers.
“You know, you choose to be there, no one makes you, so I know you want to learn. You shouldn’t act disrespectful. Church is a safe place.”
“You’re right. I guess I let some stress from home carry over today. I’ll be more attentive next week.”
“I know what it’s like to have other things going on inside, but don’t let them ruin the good stuff going on too.” I bite my lip, feeling a little hypocritical.
“Okay, I’ll work on it. Thanks for calling, Katie. It does mean a lot knowing someone cares.”
“Anytime. Call me if you ever just need to talk, and call Mrs. Barren to apologize,” I add sternly.
“I will. Catch you later.”
“Take care.” My thumb hits the end call button on my steering wheel and the upbeat music fills the air once again. Don’t let the bad ruin the good. I can do that.