my mother.
UNCLE MARK PULLED ME IN
for a hug,
but how you
hug what’s haunting you?
AND YOU KNOW
it’s weird to know
a person you don’t know
and at the same time
not know
a person you know,
you know?
09:08:25 a.m.
WHY YOU HERE?
I asked Uncle Mark,
taking my turn,
my time,
looking him up
and down.
Sadness
split his face
like cold breeze
on chapped lip
after attempting
to smile.
I guess he expected me
to be excited to see him.
And I was, sorta,
but still.
WITH HIS HAND
he brushed down the front
of his shirt,
smoothing out wrinkles,
straightening himself out.
Pants stopped
just at the top of his
dress shoes,
dress shoes tied
in perfect bows,
leather shiny,
uncreased
like he ain’t
been walking.
Brushed and brushed
down his chest
to stomach,
down his thighs,
then squatting,
dipped a finger in
his mouth and scrubbed
the toe of his shoe,
a smudge
not there.
A BETTER QUESTION,
he said,
eyes up at me
is, why are you here?
RANDOM THOUGHT NO. 2
Always
always
always
be skeptical of a person
who answers a question
by asking a question.
Usually
usually
usually
it’s a setup.
ANAGRAM NO. 3
COOL = LOCO
WHAT YOU MEAN?
I asked,
trying to avoid
having to talk about
the coldness
in my heart
and the heater
in my waist.
WHAT DO I MEAN?
He stood up.
What do I mean?
he repeated,
putting
hands together,
fingertips touching,
cracking what sounded
like all the knuckles
in the world.
Listen, kid,
don’t play me and
don’t play with me.
It’s best you
turn it loose before
I tighten you up.
OKAY, OKAY,
I begged,
trying to hold him off,
trying to avoid being
knotted up again.
Look,
they killed Shawn
last night, Uncle Mark.
And . . .
And today
you woke up ready
to make things
right, right?
I nodded.
And the reason why
is because for the
first time in your life,
you realize, or at least
you think you could
kill someone,
right?
I nodded.
RIGHT?
he said,
louder.
Right.
BUT TO EXPLAIN MYSELF
I said,
The Rules are
the rules.
UNCLE MARK HUFFED
closed his eyes.
I wondered if he
was thinking
about The Rules.
He knew them
like I knew them.
Passed to him.
Passed them to his little brother.
Passed to my older brother.
Passed to me.
The Rules
have always ruled.
Past present future forever.
UNCLE MARK SQUEEZED HIS LIPS
like he was trying
to rip them off.
Then opened
his eyes.
Okay, Will,
he said,
all serious.
Let’s set the scene.
What you mean,
set the scene?
I mean, let’s play it out,
how this whole thing is gon’
go down. Play it out
like a movie,
Uncle Mark explained.
We’ll go back and forth.
I’ll start, from the top.
THE SCENE
Will stands over dead brother, Shawn.
Two holes in his chest. Blood all over the
ground.
Will takes his mother inside.
She cries. He looks for his brother’s
gun.
Will finds the gun. Lies down and thinks
about The Rules. No crying. No snitching.
And always get revenge.
The next day, he decides to find
who he knows killed his brother.
A guy named Riggs.
Will gets in the elevator. Goes down to the
lobby. Walks outside, past his brother’s
blood on the concrete.
He continues for nine blocks,
gets to Riggs’s house, sees Riggs,
pulls the gun out, and . . .
I GOT STUCK
Couldn’t say
nothing else. Couldn’t say
it. Hoped Uncle Mark would say,
cut.
BUT HE DIDN’T (the scene, continued)
Go ’head. Finish it.
Up until that point
things were running
smoothly, but this
stupid last part
got me caught up.
Finish it!
Uncle Mark demanded.
Dani whimpered.
Buck razzed.
Okay, okay,
I said,
trying to calm
Uncle Mark down.
Will pulls the gun out,
and . . .
I stalled.
And . . . and . . .
MY MOUTH
dried out,
words phlegm
trapped in my throat,
like an allergic reaction
to the thought
of it all.
THE SCENE (completed)
And . . .
And shoots.
Uncle Buck
finished it for me,
said it slowly,
dragging out the
shhhhhhhhhhhh.
Then I could
finally
painfully
hack it up.
And shoots.
FOR THE RECORD,
this movie
would’ve been better
than that stupid one
he was trying to make
when he was alive
that’s for sure.
Maybe not as happy.
But definitely better.
STORY NO. 2 ABOUT UNCLE MARK
Uncle Mark lost the camera
his mother got him,
the one he recorded
dance battles,
and gang fights,
and block parties,
and the beginning of his
corny-ass movie on.
Couldn’t afford another one.
OPTIONS:
Could’ve asked Grandma again,
but that would’ve been pointless.
Could’ve stolen one,
but he wasn’t ’bout to be sweating,
so he wasn’t ’bout to be running.
Could’ve gotten a job,
but working was another one of those things