For all the young brothers and sisters in detention centers around the country, the ones I’ve seen, and the ones I haven’t. You are loved.
DON’T NOBODY
believe nothing
these days
which is why I haven’t
told nobody the story
I’m about to tell you.
And truth is,
you probably ain’t
gon’ believe it either
gon’ think I’m lying
or I’m losing it,
but I’m telling you,
this story is true.
It happened to me.
Really.
It did.
It so did.
MY NAME IS
Will.
William.
William Holloman.
But to my friends
and people
who know me
know me,
just Will.
So call me Will,
because after I tell you
what I’m about to tell you
you’ll either
want to be my friend
or not
want to be my friend
at all.
Either way,
you’ll know me
know me.
I’M ONLY WILLIAM
to my mother
and my brother, Shawn,
whenever he was trying
to be funny.
Now
I’m wishing I would’ve
laughed more
at his dumb jokes
because the day
before yesterday,
Shawn was shot
and killed.
I DON’T KNOW YOU,
don’t know
your last name,
if you got
brothers
or sisters
or mothers
or fathers
or cousins
that be like
brothers
and sisters
or aunties
or uncles
that be like
mothers
and fathers,
but if the blood
inside you is on the inside
of someone else,
you never want to
see it on the outside of
them.
THE SADNESS
is just so hard
to explain.
Imagine waking up
and someone,
a stranger,
got you strapped down,
got pliers shoved
into your mouth,
gripping a tooth
somewhere in the back,
one of the big
important ones,
and rips it out.
Imagine the knocking
in your head,
the pressure pushing
through your ears,
the blood pooling.
But the worst part,
the absolute worst part,
is the constant slipping
of your tongue
into the new empty space,
where you know
a tooth supposed to be
but ain’t no more.
IT’S SO HARD TO SAY,
Shawn’s
dead.
Shawn’s
dead.
Shawn’s
dead.
So strange to say.
So sad.
But I guess
not surprising,
which I guess is
even stranger,
and even sadder.
THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY
me and my friend Tony
were outside talking about
whether or not we’d get any
taller now that we were fifteen.
When Shawn was fifteen
he grew a foot, maybe a foot
and a half. That’s when he gave
me all the clothes he couldn’t fit.
Tony kept saying he hoped he grew
because even though he was
the best ballplayer around here
our age, he was also the shortest.
And everybody knows
you can’t go all the way when
you’re that small unless you can
really jump. Like
fly.
AND THEN THERE WERE SHOTS.
Everybody
ran,
ducked,
hid,
tucked
themselves tight.
Did what we’ve all
been trained to.
Pressed our lips to the
pavement and prayed
the boom, followed by
the buzz of a bullet,
ain’t meet us.
AFTER THE SHOTS
me and Tony
waited like we always do,
for the rumble to stop,
before picking our heads up
and poking our heads out
to count the bodies.
This time
there was only one.
Shawn.
I’VE NEVER BEEN
in an earthquake.
Don’t know if this was
even close to how they
are, but the ground
defi nitely felt like
it o pened up
and ate me.
THINGS THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN WHENEVER SOMEONE IS KILLED AROUND HERE
NO. 1: SCREAMING
Not everybody screams.
Usually just
moms,
girlfriends,
daughters.
In this case
it was Leticia,
Shawn’s girlfriend,
on her knees kissing
his forehead
between shrieks.
I think she hoped
her voice would
somehow keep him
alive,
would clot the blood.
But I think
she knew
deep down in the
deepest part of
her downness
she was kissing
him good-bye.
AND MY MOM
moaning low,
Not my baby.
Not my baby.
Why?
hanging over my
brother’s body
like a dimmed
light post.
NO. 2: SIRENS
Lots and lots of sirens,
howling, cutting through
the sounds of the city.
Except the screams.
The screams are always
heard over everything.
Even the sirens.
NO. 3: QUESTIONS
Cops flashed lights in our faces
and we all turned to stone.
Did anybody see anything?
a young officer asked.
He looked honest, like he
ain’t never done this before.
You can always tell a newbie.
They always ask questions
like they really expect answers.
Did anybody see anyone?
I ain’t seen nothin’,
Marcus Andrews, the neighborhood
know-it-all, said.
Even he knew better than to
know anything.
IN CASE YOU AIN’T KNOW,
gunshots make everybody
deaf and blind especially
when they make somebody
dead.
Best to become invisible
in times like these.
Everybody knows that.
Even Tony flew away.
I’M NOT SURE
if the cops asked me questions.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Couldn’t hear nothing.
Ears filled up with heartbeats
like my head was being held
under water.
Like I was holding my breath.
Maybe I was.
Maybe I was
hoping I could give some
back to Shawn.