I don’t mean no harm,
but that ain’t something
you just ask someone
you don’t even know,
I said,
still trying to
play cool.
The girl nodded,
replied,
You’re right.
So right.
BUT THEN
she put her hand on my shoulder,
her perfume floating from her wrist
to just under my nostrils, said,
But
I do
know
you,
Will.
I WON’T FRONT.
I was a little excited.
I know I just said flirting
on an elevator with
a ghost on it was a
no-
go,
but we wouldn’t be
on this elevator forever.
And Shawn always said
if a girl says she knows you
but you ain’t never met her
then she’s been
watching you.
Clockin’ you.
Checkin’ you.
Buck probably taught him that.
I hoped it was true.
FROM WHERE?
is what I came with next,
loading up my flirts.
Where you know me from?
The girl smiled.
With her eyes.
From the playground,
she said.
Monkey bars.
VERY FUNNY,
I said,
picking up on
her trying to play me.
I ain’t no monkey.
I never said you were,
she replied.
I’m being serious.
Well, then you got the
wrong guy because I’m too
old to be hanging
at playgrounds.
Yeah, but I knew you
when you weren’t.
SHE OPENED HER PURSE,
dug around,
pulled out a wallet,
unfolded it,
turned it toward
me to flash a photo
like white people
on movies when they
want to show off their kids.
But I wasn’t trying to see no kids.
But there they were.
There we were.
ME AND MY FRIEND DANI
as kids.
Eight
years old.
No-knee’d jeans and
hand-me-down T-shirt
from Shawn.
Flower dress,
shorts underneath
for Dani,
who hung from a monkey bar
tongue hanging from her mouth
like pink candy.
The sun shining in my eyes.
The sunshine in hers.
09:08:18 a.m.
YOU REMEMBER THIS?
the girl asked,
folding
snapping
the wallet shut.
Of course,
I said,
wondering how she
knew Dani.
It was one of the best
and worst days of my life.
You remember, on this day,
she paused,
cocking her
head to the side,
hands on hips,
butterflied arms,
and continued,
I kissed you?
MY EYES GOT BIG.
Dani?
This was Dani. Dani.
Standing in front of me.
The flower dress
the same.
Her face
eight years older than
eight years old
but still
the same.
YEAH, I REMEMBER.
I remember.
I remember that.
I remember this.
And then . . .
I got hung up.
And then . . .
Gunshots,
she said.
Gunshots.
GUNSHOTS
like firecrackers
coming from everywhere.
Dani said her body burned
and all she wanted to do was
jump outside of herself,
swing to somewhere else
like we pretended to do
on monkey bars.
AND NOW I WANNA THROW UP,
Buck baited.
He heh-heh-heh’d,
the cigarette dangling,
bouncing with each word
like a fishing pole
with fish on bait,
with hook through head.
I TOLD DANI
how I remember
Shawn screaming for us to
get down.
How he lay on top of us,
covering us, smashing us
into the dirt.
I told her how I remember
staring at her the whole
time.
Her eyes wide, the brightness
dimming. Her mouth, open.
Bubble gum
and blood.
I SWEAR SOMETIMES
it feels like God
be flashing photos
of his children,
awkward,
amazing,
tucked in his wallet
for the world
to see.
But the world
don’t wanna see
no kids,
and God ain’t
no pushy parent
so he just folds
and snaps
us shut.
WHEN THEY SAID
you were gone,
I cried all night,
I confessed.
And the next morning,
over hard-boiled eggs
and sugar cereal,
Shawn taught me
Rule Number One—
no crying.
THE WAY I FELT
when Dani was killed
was a first.
Never felt nothing like it.
I stood in the shower
the next morning
after Shawn taught me
the first rule,
no crying,
feeling like
I wanted to scratch
my skin off scratch
my eyes out punch
through something,
a wall,
a face,
anything,
so something else
could have
a hole.
ANAGRAM NO. 2
FEEL = FLEE
IT’S COOL
to see you, Dani,
I said,
feeling funny
but meaning
every word.
She grew up
gorgeous.
At least
she would’ve.
Good to see
you too, Will.
She grinned.
But you still haven’t
answered my question.
WHAT YOU NEED
a gun for?
09:08:20 a.m.
MY FACE
tightened
hardened.
They killed Shawn last night.
Who killed Shawn?
Shouldn’t you already know?
Just tell me who killed him, Will.
The Dark Suns. You remember
Riggs, used to live around here?
Think it was him. Had to be?
Had
to
be.
DANI WAS KILLED
before she ever learned
The Rules.
So I explained them to
her so she wouldn’t think
less of me for following
them
like I was just another
block boy on one
looking to off one.
So that she knew I had
purpose
and that this was about