family
and had I known
The Rules when we
were kids I would’ve
done the same thing
for her.
THEN DANI ASKED,
What
if
you
miss?
BUT
I won’t,
I said.
But what if you do?
she asked.
I won’t,
I said.
But how you know?
she asked.
I just know,
I said.
But you ever even shot a gun?
she asked.
Don’t matter,
I said.
Don’t matter.
DANI WAS DISAPPOINTED.
Slapped her
hands to her face,
tried to wipe
away worry.
But she couldn’t.
And I couldn’t
expect her to.
I LOOKED BACK AT BUCK
for a bailout,
some help,
something,
but he said
nothing.
Just slid the
cigarettes
from his pocket
and extended it
to Dani.
BUCK OFFERED,
Smoke?
I guess this
was his way
of diffusing the
situation.
Thank you,
Dani said,
wiggling one
from the box.
You smoke?
I asked.
You shoot?
she shot back,
slipping it between
shiny lips,
leaning forward
for the light.
Buck struck
a match.
And again
the elevator came to a stop.
THE ELEVATOR,
a smoke box,
gray and thick.
Buck and Dani
puffed and blew
everlasting cigs.
Thought when the
doors opened the
smoke would rush out.
But instead it
became a still cloud
trapped in a steel cube.
CIGARETTE SMOKE
ain’t supposed to be
no wool blanket,
ain’t supposed to be
no blizzard, no
snowy TV.
Smoke like spirit
can be thick but
ain’t supposed to be
nothing solid
enough to hold me.
I FANNED AND COUGHED,
expecting whoever was waiting
to wait for the next one.
Who wants to get on an elevator
full of smoke?
What if it wasn’t really
full of smoke?
Still,
who wants to get on an elevator
with a kid buggin’?
Swatting and choking on
the invisible thick.
They’d probably think
what you probably think
right now.
I TOOK A STEP BACK
to make room
for the silhouette to
move through fog,
to step in.
Dani and Buck
stood behind me,
close enough to feel
but I felt no breath.
09:08:22 a.m.
TWO LARGE HANDS,
the largest I’d ever seen,
rushed through the cloud
hard and fast,
snatched fistfuls of my shirt,
yoking me by the neck,
holding me there until
the elevator door closed.
Could barely breathe
already and could breathe
less and could see nothing
behind this blanket
of gray.
THEN IN ONE SWIFT MOTION
the hands released me and
slapped me into a headlock,
the kind that Shawn used to
put me in, the kind that all little
brothers hate.
I COULD HEAR LAUGHING
like being held under water
by playful waves
crashing down on my head
laughing laughing
laughing me under.
How do you tell water
ain’t nothing funny
about drowning?
WHEN I WAS FINALLY LET UP
I looked
for Buck,
for Dani,
for help.
They moved
to the corner,
chuckling,
blurry,
puffing
away.
WHAT THE HELL?
I
yelped,
one hand on my neck,
one hand on my tucked
untucked
tail.
WHAT YOU REACHIN’ FOR
and why you reachin’ for it?
the asshole
who tried to mash
the apple in my neck
into sauce
taunted.
Nephew
Nephew
Nephew
Nephew?
Nephew,
he chanted,
After all this time
you ain’t learned to
fight back yet?
THERE ARE
so many pictures
of Uncle Mark in
our house.
Hanging on the wall,
hanging on the block, posing
with my father, his shorter
younger brother.
Dressed blade sharp.
Suits, jewelry.
Cigarette tucked
behind ear.
Camera ready.
Fly.
Like Shawn.
Foreshadowing the flash.
UNCLE MARK?
I let my hand fall
to my side
swallowed hard.
Am I going insane?
Come here, kid,
Uncle Mark said.
Lemme look at ya.
I stepped closer.
Taller than me.
Taller than everyone.
Six foot four,
Six foot five.
(Six feet deep.)
Rested his hands
on my shoulders,
the weight of him
bending me
at the knees.
Look like your damn daddy,
he said.
Just like him.
MY MOTHER TOLD ME TWO STORIES ABOUT UNCLE MARK.
NO. 1
He videotaped everything
with a camera his mother,
my grandmother, bought him
for his eighteenth birthday:
dance battles,
gang fights,
block parties.
But he dreamed of making a movie.
SCRIPT IDEA:
BOY: Mickey. No game. No girls. Meets
GIRL: Jesse, the young girlfriend of
BOY: Mickey’s landlord.
GIRL: Jesse teaches
BOY: Mickey everything he needs to know about
GIRL: How to impress them. How to treat them. But
BOY: Mickey uses what he learns to get
GIRL: Jesse to fall in love with him, but her boyfriend,
BOY: Mickey’s landlord, finds out and kicks him and
GIRL: Jesse out of the building.
So they’re in love,
but they’re homeless,
but they’re happy.
Right.
CASTING OF THE WORST, STUPIDEST MOVIE EVER
BOY: Mickey to be played by Uncle Mark’s little brother,
my father,
Mikey.
GIRL: Jesse to be played by the younger sister of a girl
Uncle Mark used to date,
Shari,