HOW DO I KNOW HIM?
Buck scoffed,
shaking his head.
This is the man
who murdered me.
WAIT.
Wait.
Wait . . . wait.
Hold up.
Hold
up.
Hold the hell
on.
On my brother,
on Shawn’s name,
You serious?
Wait . . .
Wha?
Wait, wait, wait.
. . .
What?
YOU HEARD ME RIGHT.
See, Frick here—
Buck paused.
Why they call you that, anyway?
he asked,
sidetracked.
It’s really Frank. Twin sister,
Frances. Frick and Frack
came from my uncle.
Stupid shit old men call you
stick in the hood,
Frick explained.
Who you tellin’.
Matter fact because
of you—
Buck paused again,
turned back to me.
Because
of him, Will,
the only reason
people ’round here
know my government name
is from reading it on
my damn tombstone.
BUCK’S REAL NAME
was James.
I’ve only heard it one time.
Buck better
than James.
Buck short
for young-buck.
Nickname given
by stepfather as a joke
because Buck
couldn’t grow no facial hair.
Smooth baby face,
nothing rough
about it.
BUCK WAS TWO-SIDED.
Two dads,
step and real.
Step raised him:
a preacher,
a real preacher,
not scared of no one,
praying for anyone,
helping everyone.
Real run through him:
a bank robber,
would steal air from the world
if he could get his hands on it.
PEOPLE ALWAYS SAID
he was taught to do good
but doing bad
was in his blood.
And there’s that nighttime
Mom always be talking about.
It’ll snatch your teaching
from you,
put a gun in your hand,
a grumble in your gut,
and some sharp in your teeth.
BUT HE DIDN’T START THAT WAY.
At first Buck was
a small-time hustler,
dime bags on the corner.
Same old story
until my pop got popped
at the pay phone that night.
Then he became a big brother
to Shawn
and a robber to a bunch of
suburban neighborhoods
every morning
(he knew better than to
jack people around here)
and come back with
money (the most)
sneakers (the best)
and jewelry (which he loved to show off).
BACK TO FRICK.
I was shocked
when I heard that
this dude killed Buck.
Yeah,
Buck said,
hand on
Frick’s shoulder
all buddy-buddy.
This the guy.
He glanced
at me.
Shawn never
told you that story?
HE NEVER REALLY TALKED ABOUT IT,
I said.
Shawn just said
you were shot
and that he knew
who did it,
I explained,
remembering that time.
Shawn’s face a candle,
melted wax,
flame flickering out.
I remember the cops
banging on our door
to question him,
to tell him they heard
he was close to James—
that was the one time
I heard Buck’s real name—
and to ask him
if he knew who might’ve
done it,
killed him,
shot him
twice
in the stomach,
in the street.
SHAWN AIN’T SAY NOTHING
to the cops,
to no one,
just locked
himself
in his room
for hours
and the next
day I caught him
sitting on his
bed pushing
bullets into
gun clip.
09:08:54 a.m.
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU,
Buck said.
We were hanging out at the court
sharing a bottle of something cheap
and strong just before it went down,
Buck said.
Shawn was telling me how he had
gotten into a little scuffle, nothing
major, with one of the dudes from
the Dark Suns,
Buck said.
Said he had to get your mother
some kind of soap she uses that
he could only get from the store
down by where they hang out.
A DUMB THING TO SAY
would’ve been to
tell Buck how important
that soap was
that it stopped Mom from
scraping loose a river
of wounds.
But instead
I just said,
Riggs.
I’M NOT SURE WHAT HIS NAME IS,
Buck said.
Said Shawn
said he was
going to the
store when
the dude Riggs
ran up on
him talking
all this shit.
Said it was
nothing
serious, just
poppin’ off
at the mouth
about how he
was a Dark Sun
and how Shawn
ain’t belong
around there.
Said Shawn
was in his
feelings
all huff-huff
explaining to
Buck how he
had grown up
with the kid Riggs
and how the
kid was brand-new.
Buck said
he told Shawn
to let it roll off,
but he couldn’t
because that’s
just how he was.
All emotional
all the time,
Buck said.
WHILE HE’S GOING ON ABOUT THIS DUDE,
I’m trying to show him this chain
I just got from some kid out in
the burbs. Didn’t even snatch it.
I just growled a little bit and asked
for it and the sucka just took it
right off and handed it to me.
Ain’t even snatch it,
Buck said,
thinking back on that day
like he still couldn’t
believe it.
But what does that have to with
my brother and this guy?
I said,
pointing to Frick.
Hold on.
I’m gettin’ to that.
SO BECAUSE SHAWN WAS
tripping so hard about this dude,
I gave him the gold chain,
Buck said,
proud.
A gift.
His first one.
Then Shawn left
the basketball court.
And that’s when I came,
Frick chimed in,
a big smile
on his face
like he had just
won some