ME & LAY LI AIN’T TALKING
cause she think she cute
cause she think I ain’t.
Must be pretty boy Curtis
all in her head
all in her mouth
making her forget
her home training.
Making her forget
her daddy got a gun for a living.
& her mama gone.
& THIS IS WHY I THINK
she ain’t got no sense, nohow.
Cause ain’t nobody but fast girls
checking for Curtis.
& he keep her name close
& she don’t come home
the same way no more.
She must think she cute!
Must think I ain’t!
Like she ZendayaSkaiStormMeganNickiBeyoncé or something
Like she long curly hair movie star perfect
Like she perfect pink nail salon pop queen perfect
Like she all new Macy’s rack & Adidas shell toe perfect
Like she glossy magazine cover most beautiful girl perfect
Like she ain’t never had a bad day in the sun perfect
Like she ain’t never had a bad picture kind of perfect
Like she got a life don’t nobody judge cause she’s so perfect
I mean,
look how she keep me waiting like
I’m supposed to wait on Curtis
or something
& I hate his light-skinned self!
Especially because he ain’t as funny
as he think.
Especially when he calls me black
& ugly & stupid!
& LAY LI STAY GRINNING
like he the sun
like we ain’t friends
they boyfriends see Lay Li
It’s like they see the best parts of they favorite movie
& they favorite movie got they favorite soundtrack
& they favorite soundtrack make them feel strong
& they swing they arms around & show off to whoever is looking
I mean, sometimes I get caught looking but I ain’t got n o t h i n g to say
Not Lay Li
She act like she never lookin’
She must think she cute
But she ain’t just cute
Lay Li pretty
& they boyfriends at the skate rink
forget they home training around her.
So when Curtis say the things
I’ve already said about myself
& she laugh
I know deep down inside
she ain’t never care about me at all.
LAY LI THE SUN
& she called me best friend
Called me smart
Called me her ace
Called me her right-hand sis
Lay Li called me my name
Ain’t never call me nothing but my name
When everyone else call me nothing
She say best friend—like sis-patna-friend & she laugh bright bright
Because Lay Li the sun
now I know she just said them lies
to keep my shadow
all up & around her sunshine smile
LIKE THAT TIME WE SKIPPED SCHOOL
for the pool party
& all the girls wear bikinis
but I got my one-piece on
with a white T-shirt on top.
& the boys just looking
like they mama ain’t taught them nothing worth knowing.
Lay Li got that good hair
so she don’t care if it’s wet & loose.
But my hair ain’t close to being good
so I keep it in a real real real tight ponytail
until the sun get so hot
I jump in & cool my sadness down.
It’s like I already know.
So I let my shoulders sink low
like my heart be
& I watch Lay Li
how she walks & everybody stops
& I’m trying to learn
how to walk in a room & turn their heads
how to move in a crowd & be the light
how to keep a boy’s interest
but not just any boy
a boy who remembers my name
maybe a cute one with long eyelashes
& gentle hands
the kind of hands that keep to themselves
how to keep my sister, Essa, from talking bad to me
my older sister tell you “don’t mess up my name,”
she go so far to move her mouth & show her perfect white teeth
it’s “EEEEEE-SaaHHHH like mantra, like a prayer”
how to move through the world
standing tall & demanding to be named properly
how to be more than a baller
how to be someone that keep ’em guessing
how to stop stressing because ain’t nobody
got time for the kind of shade I got
but everybody got time for some
s u n
LAY LI SMILE AT CURTIS
& he only a little bit cute
but he ain’t funny or smart
so that’s how I know her grin is a lie.
& I pretend I don’t hear his slur
I pretend I don’t see his hazel eyes
when he say “lose her ugly black ass”
& Lay Li laugh.