I laugh like the joke is on Shawn
He’s her old crush & first real boyfriend
Since her mama left the house
But then I realized she just called my house boring
& now my feelings are hurt.
Lay Li say
“Don’t be like that. I ain’t mean nothing by it.”
Lay Li
pull my ponytail a little
Lay Li
is forgiven
again.
I MOVE
her hand & brush at my hair
I mimic the mirror
Reach to take back my lip gloss
& my pride
from Lay Li’s hands
It’s the inexpensive kind from the neighborhood CVS
She pretends she’s gonna keep it
like a child & its pacifier
her arms swing above both of our heads
helicopter style
Out of my reach
She is pleased with herself
& giggling to my hands
waving in the air
fire the roof is on fire
but it ain’t
& I don’t crack a smile
This makes her laugh even harder
All her teeth showing
All my steam moving like a cloud when I cut my eyes
She sighs
rolls her eyes
then tosses it to me before she grabs the phone
& dials with one last perfect pink nail
same color as Essa’s (I think)
But I don’t say anything
Just pucker my lips as
she watches me with boring eyes apply the sheen
Like an impostor.
SNITCHES
get stitches
So I know how to mind my own business
& make sure I don’t tell everybody
the things I know.
It’s funny
I ain’t realize how much silent sauce I got
Until someone stop talking when Lay Li walk by.
Everything go quiet
Like midnight black
Like static on the TV
Like the sound my mama made that time I asked
“Where is daddy?”
Or like the sound my mama made the time I asked
“What is prison?”
I know what silent sounds like
Lay Li & I haven’t talked not once
Since the phone call with Shawn
It’s been a whole week
& the argument has grown teeth
Buried its fangs into our friendship
& won’t let go.
I tried to shake it loose
Even after she accused me
“You trying to break me & Shawn up?!”
Her and Shawn been on and off all summer
He go to high school on the west side of town
& one of the freshest high tops.
She say “You trying to break me & Shawn up?”
And I think I want my friend back.
But not like that
Just want to be able to talk to the only one
who care about how I look when I leave the house
“Girl, brush your hair”
Just want to be able to talk to the only one
who cares about how I look
“Lil, give them basketball shorts a break.”
Even when she get on my nerves & fix me up with boys
Who can’t seem to stand me
The same boys who get mad when I beat them on the court
They say I talk too much mess
I say “Only on the court”
& I ain’t no liar, on the court is where it belong
With Lay Li I don’t have to think too hard
I’m the friend of the star
& I don’t mind, not at all
It gives me time to think about my dreams & the WNBA
But when I call Lay Li & she don’t pick up
A pit in my stomach grows like a redwood tree
A WEEK LATER
& Lay Li still avoid me like the plague
Or a pop quiz
Or a dentist appointment
Or that person who just ate onions for lunch
She don’t pick up my calls & now I see her with Samantha, Octavia, Teeja & Tiffany.
So I start to spend every day after school at the basketball court doing drills
I think
Maybe today I’ll run into Lay Li at the pool
Maybe today she will show up
Maybe today she won’t be mad at me anymore
Maybe today she treat me better than dirt
I only get sad when I round the corner & see only
the Mommy & Me group is in the pool
I pull off my basketball shorts & tug the straps of my stupid swimsuit
before I dive into the deep end.
THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL
I’m mad
Essa got on my nerves the night before
& made a joke about me not having no friends
“Look at Lay Li,” she said. “Even she don’t want to be around you!”
Today, I sit around the taco bar
near the far side of the lunchroom
& remember all the places I can easily disappear into.
1. Sit by the bench under the tree by the bus stop
Sit next to the girl with her brand-new bra gleaming in the locker room