& I can hear everybody lying to each other.
I sip on my Capri-Sun
& remember what happens
when everyone talks around me
like no one is listening.
2. Sit by the hopscotch outline on the concrete
by the house
3. Sit by the stairs near the attendance office
I hear them say
I sip tea
I say
I mind my own
But everything is everything when you are just who you are
No one special enough to cause a stir
No one who would cause boys to break their necks
I ain’t mad that I don’t stand out
I just know I’ve never stood out before.
When I was younger, I thought I had superpowers
Thought if I sat real still and stared at a book
No one would be able to see me
I got so good at it
I forget that I’m the only one playing the game
Sit still with a book or my head down & you can go missing
& just like that
Everybody talks so much around me
It’s like I ain’t even there
Sometimes
I forget I’m there too
that’s how I hear too much information
that’s how I learn all the things I didn’t know
I want to know.
My lunch of hard shell tacos turns to mush in my hands
Just like me
They can’t hold on to everything anymore
I’m tired of chasing people to be my friend
In my head I can still hear her when we argued
“You ruined everything”
“You ruined everything”
“You ruined everything”
I’m tired of being worried about people not liking me
I can’t do it anymore
I can’t let Essa get under my skin
I can’t let my opponents on the court make me feel like I don’t belong
I don’t even want these damn tacos anymore
I drop my tray in the trash & head out the door
BASKETBALL DRILLS #2
My sister, Essa,
is the smart one
I shoot swish
But she also lies so much
I think it’s her favorite song
I shoot swish
She lies so much she never know when the truth sneaks up
I shoot
She lies so much it sound like a history lesson
miss
She lies so much she’ll make you believe rain is a color coming out the sky
I shoot
& when she lies like she do
I still think she makes rainbows
miss
Because no one forgets her name.
I shoot
backboard bounce swish
Everywhere she goes they laugh at all her jokes
Everywhere she goes they call her brilliant
Everywhere she goes they also call her slick talker
I shoot miss shoot miss shoot bricks
Essa lies so much she never knows when the truth sneaks up
& smack her in the mouth!
shoot: swish
(That’s what our grandma Maxi say)
& I think it’s hilarious
I laugh & laugh & laugh
with all my teeth showing
shoot: swish
except Grandma Maxi don’t play that
“kids laughing at grown folks’ jokes.”
So
S H O O T MY S H O T
I grin real big
with my lips shut
t i g h t…
(swish)
ON THE WEEKEND, I GO TO THE MALL WITH ESSA & INGA
Did I tell you how much Essa hates me?
(It’s like her & Lay Li got more in common each day!)
Lucky for me our cousin Inga is around
The house like the big hand on the clock
So what Inga say goes & she always comes
through for me
Right on time
Even though Essa tell me she can’t stand me
& to get my own friends
I pull on my crisp new Chucks
& cover up my crop-top basketball camp shirt
We walk to the front yard where Inga’s mama
Auntie Renee’s car is parked
It’s an old dusty white Cutlass
It looks like a cloud
It looks like a dream
Essa starts capping hard
On the car being so old
Jesus prolly used dinosaur bones for petro
But Inga pays her no mind
She checks the rearview mirror
& looks at Essa with her eyes stone cold
“Shut up before I make you walk”
& I cackle a little too loud
Because Essa snaps her head around like an owl
“What you laughing at? If I walk, then you walk!”
I close my mouth & pull the hoodie over my bangs.
WE PULL INTO THE PARKING LOT
& everybody & their mama is here
Nannies & grandmamas & strollers & loud babies wailing
Teenagers with their scooters & three-wheelers
Helmets that match their checkered Vans
Girls from the private school in their mandatory uniforms
Folded up above the knee sit against the entryway
& watch the coordinated chaos
Lay Li had to stay home