Her dad don’t play that go out & leave your siblings mess
So I’m stuck with my sister, Essa, (who hates me)
& our cousin Inga (who loves me)
Inga walks through the double doors like a queen
& I pull my hoodie off my head so I can see her clearly
She commands attention when she walks into a room
Her bun wrapped tightly in a knot at the top of her head
Her leggings & knee-high boots match her fanny pack
Slung effortlessly across her shoulder.
Essa also moves like royalty
Her head upright & her shoulders squared
When she isn’t angry with me
She beams like her dimples are a gift to the world.
I walk behind them both in awe & inspired
I straighten my shoulders
Paste a smile on my face
I’m more happy inside than I am on the outside
But I feel like this is what I should do
Even though I’m wearing my old cut-out jeans
It feels good to walk with my family
& not have to worry about if they like me or not
& when I think it can’t get no better
Inga turns around after we pass the pretzel spot
In the food court & winks
“I think you got a fan, Lil’ Cousin.”
SHE POINTS TO THE GROUP
Of guys sitting on a bench
with her short & shiny manicured nails
& before I can figure out who she’s talking about
The tallest one from the bunch moves forward.
He is wearing a pair of camouflage cargo pants
& flannel patterned shirt
His hat covers his brown eyes
But I can tell he’s looking right at me
He walks away from the group
& I see some of the boys from the court
Today they look at me different
It must be the outfit.
He walks closer to me
Five foot eleven
His hands in his pockets
I think my heart could fit in his hands
He smiles a little
& I decide I could like him
“What’s up? I’m Clifton,” he says.
His eyes never move from my face
& it’s so intense
It’s like I’m in the pool again
Underwater
Holding my breath
My arms are floating
Away from my body
I’m in the mall now
But in my head
I’m in the pool after practice
& I get the same calming feeling I get
When I jump into the deep end blue
& sink until I rise again
Left arm
Right leg kick
Right arm
Left leg kick
Butterfly
Till both arms lift out the sorta sea together
But I’m not in the pool
I remind myself
But in my chest
I begin to backstroke
to open my eyes & check out the sky
I wade in the teal azul when a fire burns my chest
Even in the cold pool, I know I must be careful
I don’t want to sink
If I’m not careful
like now
I could lose my breath
MY FIRST TIME OUT WITH CLIFTON
I know the world is going to end.
Mama don’t play that
“company over when grown folks out the house” business
& even though Essa is home with cousin Inga
they ain’t grown:
They’re just teenagers
With a curfew that ain’t dictated by the sun
going down & the streetlights coming on
They’re just teenagers
Who curse when the neighbors are looking
But never when they own parents are looking cause
They ain’t got a death wish
They’re just teenagers
With a taste for the kind of freedom
They’ve only seen on sitcoms
The kind with two-parent households
not homes like ours
More like Inga’s mom, Auntie Renee, who saves coupons
& works every day, clockwork ready for the water company
More like Inga’s mom, Auntie Renee, who on her day off
will drive by different houses with FOR SALE signs
plastered in their yard, with her eyes bright & dancing
singing Luther Vandross to whoever is in the passenger seat
More like Mama, who tells me to ignore Essa’s attitude
Cause she works too many hours & ain’t got time
To listen to our argument when she finally come home.
More like Mama, who calls me her baby (mostly cause I am the last born)
Who works too many hours to make it to my basketball games
& the house better be clean cause you don’t want to get
on her bad side
More like Mama, the sweetest woman I’ve ever known
Who still got rules that we betta follow cause ain’t nobody
in this house more grown than her.
THE RULES ARE EASY
No boys in the house when I’m gone
Nobody who don’t live here in the house when I’m gone
(Who left on the light?)
(Who do you think you are?)
Nobody mess up the kitchen before I get home to cook