Mark’s van skidded down the driveway. He pulled up just short of hitting the garage and slammed the door, a sure sign that all hell was about to break loose. Vanessa was in the kitchen when he came barreling inside. She heard the clink of glass and immediately knew he had bottles of beer with him, jostling against each other in a box. He must have taken them from work again.
There was an electricity bill on the fridge, it had been there for a month and she had brought it up with him once, but he’d shut her down. It sat under a magnet of Wren’s tiny handprint, a present from her mom. It was past due and although she didn’t want to mention it to Mark again, especially when he was in this mood, she had to, or they’d be cut off. Again.
Mark took a beer from the small box, popped the cap and took a long pull. His eyes watched her and she felt small and afraid. He put down the beer on the table, no coaster underneath. There would be a ring on the surface now. He scowled at her. Now was not the time, but she went in anyway. ‘Mark…’ she began tentatively.
‘Don’t start with me, Vanessa, I’m not in the mood.’
She swallowed the apprehensive lump in her throat and pressed on regardless. ‘It’s just that the electricity bill is overdue, and I need money to pay for it.’
She’d expected the backhand but was still unable to move away fast enough. She fell against the table, which stuttered sideways with her weight. She rubbed her cheek where his slap had landed. It would bruise later; it always did.
‘Don’t speak to me!’ He roared at her, spit flying from his mouth. ‘All of this is because of you!’
She didn’t dare point out that he’d come on to her, seduced her, cheated with her all those months ago. It wasn’t worth the black eye. She could hear Wren screaming from his cot in the bedroom. She tried to run to him, to put herself out of Mark’s reach but as she bolted past him, he reached out and grabbed the end of her ponytail. She was able to pull free, tears springing into the corners of her eyes with the pain. She got to Wren’s room and slammed the door closed, bolting the lock that she’d installed using Mark’s own tools.
Vanessa hurriedly picked up the screaming, swaddled baby. She opened the large bedroom window, shushing Wren, and climbed through it. She took off at a fast walk to her parents’ house. She could still hear Mark screaming, the eerily silent night broken only by his yells.
Vanessa knocked on the door, which was opened by her mom after checking who was there through the peephole. It was nighttime after all. She took one look at her daughter with her grandson strapped to her body and threw the door open wide. ‘Come inside, quickly.’ She ushered Vanessa in before sticking her head back out and looking up and down the street. Her mom showed her and the softly mewling Wren into the kitchen where she made a calming cup of tea. Vanessa placed her sweet baby boy into the portable cot her mom had set up in the spare room. She watched him for a few minutes as he went back to sleep, delaying the time until she had to explain why she was on her parents’ doorstep in the middle of the night.
‘What happened, Ness?’ asked her mom quietly, when Vanessa walked into the kitchen a few minutes later.
‘Nothing.’
‘Vanessa,’ she warned, ‘don’t lie to me.’
‘I asked Mark for money to pay the electricity bill.’
‘Does he hit you?’ She asked, her hand waving in the direction of her face. She tried to hold Vanessa’s gaze, but Vanessa looked away.
‘When he can catch me,’ Vanessa said sadly. ‘I deserve this. It’s my trade-off for what I did. For having Wren.’
Her mom reached out and touched her daughter’s hand. ‘Darl, if you want to come home, just say so. We’d love to have you.’
‘No,’ Vanessa said quickly. She couldn’t live under the same roof as her dad again, not until her mom knew the truth. ‘It’s OK, I can deal with Mark. I just needed to give him some time to cool off.’
‘Well why don’t you and Wren stay tonight at least?’
Vanessa looked at the clock over the sink. ‘I’d better be getting home. I just needed a breather, that’s all. Thanks for the tea, Mom.’
‘Do you want me to give you the money for the electricity bill?’
Vanessa hadn’t felt this low in a long time. Her mom had given more than enough already, money that she herself couldn’t afford, but Vanessa was stuck. ‘Yes please,’ she whispered, ashamed but also grateful. She hugged her mom and then fetched Wren from the spare room. She hadn’t seen her dad and she didn’t want to. He would have heard her arrive and was deliberately staying out of her way.
He came home, out of the blue, during the middle of his shift. Vanessa had put Wren down for a sleep and was making potato salad for dinner when the front door banged open, rebounding off the wall. Startled, she didn’t register the look on his face until he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the bedroom.
They hadn’t had sex since the night that Wren had been conceived. He couldn’t stand her, and she couldn’t stomach the thought of him touching her. She had become so disillusioned with her husband; the only time he laid hands on her was when he hit her.
He didn’t ask, just threw her onto the bed, grabbing at her singlet strap, ripping it free so her bra was visible.
‘Show me what you got, Ness,’ he said, eyes bulging, mouth snarling. He was like some rabid dog intent on claiming his kill.
She rolled over on the bed, reached for the lamp, pulled it free from the wall and held it in front of her like a weapon. ‘Come near me and I’ll bash your fucking brains in.’
She thought it would be enough to frighten him, but he lunged at her. She swung the lamp toward him. It connected with his arm, not his head as she had planned. China rained down on them both as the lamp base shattered. He slapped her face then put a hand over her mouth, cutting off her cry for help. He fumbled one-handed with his pants while she tried to struggle free.
She kept fighting, so he punched her in the stomach, the air whooshing from her lungs, leaving her breathless and gagging. Her head was throbbing from the slap, her lungs gasping for air. She felt him moving inside her. It hurt as he thrust into her, his hand over her mouth. The attack seemed to stretch on and on, but eventually he was done. He stood, pulled up his pants and without saying a word, left the room. Vanessa was too stunned to cry. She didn’t move for the longest time. Not until she heard Wren fussing in the next room. Finally, she rolled off the bed and changed her clothes.
Two months later, Vanessa discovered she was pregnant.
It was a bittersweet moment. She was ecstatic to be having another baby as she loved motherhood, but at the same time, she was petrified. She wondered how the hell she was going to protect two kids from Mark. One was hard enough.
When she told her mom she was pregnant again, she cried, hot tears sprinkling her face. Her mom dried her tears and asked the question that Vanessa had been asking herself.
‘Are you going to keep it?’
Was she? Could she?
‘I’m just saying. Two is… much harder than one,’ her mom said diplomatically. ‘Then there’s… Mark.’