"Rob found me after that, walking back to the city. He agreed to take me back here. You asked me to disappear. I just...I needed to be near you. This was the best I could do. And I feel so dumb, because you were right about Tyler. You weren't wrong to jump to the conclusions you did."
James' back seemed to stiffen.
"Not about me wanting to run away with him. I don't love him, you have to know that. But he did still like me. We talked this morning and I told him I'd always love you. Even if you didn't want to be with me anymore. He's moving out of New York. He said he couldn't be just my friend anymore. I think that's probably for the best. You don't have to worry about him stealing me away now. I officially lost the last friend that was just mine.
"You were wrong about everything else though, James. And the things you said...they hurt me. Especially how I came from nothing. I didn't come from nothing. I didn't need saving. I never asked you to give me anything." I put my hand on his knee. "But I feel like I'm nothing without you."
He stood up, letting my hand fall from his knee. "I..." he let his voice trail off as he put his fingers through his hair. "You're not nothing without me. You're everything to me. Baby..." his voice trailed off and he took a step toward me. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please let me touch you. I need to touch you. I need to know we're okay. It's the only way I know we're okay."
"James, what are you talking about? What we're doing right now is going to show us that we're okay. We need to communicate. Having sex isn't going to fix anything. Why can't we just talk this out?"
"Because I'm addicted to you!" He put the back of his hand over his mouth and shook his head. "I lied. I didn't mean to. I thought I was better. But I'm sick. Isabella was right. I'm sick. Penny...I'll always be sick."
"You're not sick." I thought about what Rob had said to me last night. "James, you're not addicted to me. You're devoted to me."
He shook his head. "No. No, I've been lying to myself. I told myself it was okay because you're good for me. But I have an addictive personality. I can be addicted to something even if it's good. And you're so good. Baby, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me." He took a step back from me. "God, I'm addicted to you. How did I not realize I was addicted to you? How did I not see it before?"
I wanted him to calm down. I wanted him to talk to me. "James, you love me. That's what this is. Just like I love you." I stood up and put my hands on both sides of his face. "You're not addicted to me. You're not."
"Yes I am!"
"No, you're not!" I let go of his face. I wasn't sure if I was screaming because I was upset, or because I thought it was true.
"You have no idea what runs through my head when we're apart. When I thought you were leaving me," his voice cracked. "You have no idea how much I need you."
"Then tell me. James..."
He took a step forward, sandwiching me between him and the kitchen counter. "I'm addicted to your lips on mine. I'm addicted to how you taste." He grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me hard.
I was done fighting him. He had heard what I needed to say. And now? Now he was hurting. Now I needed to make him feel better. If he needed this, then I'd give it to him. We could talk later. I grabbed the front of his t-shirt, pulling him closer to me. Our kisses weren't usually like this. I was used to slow, passionate kisses. This was urgent and raw and...emotional. He was kissing me like he didn't need air. Just me.
He grabbed my thighs and wrapped my legs around his waist, pushing my back against the counter.
I tilted my head away from his. "That's not addiction, James. That's love. I feel it too."
"No." His voice sounded pained. "I'm addicted to the smell of that perfume you put behind your ears." He kissed the side my neck. "And the smell of your shampoo." He kissed my neck again. "The softness of your skin." He put his hand on the side of my neck, rubbing his thumb against my jaw line. "The sight of your face, your beauty. I'm addicted to the curves of your body." His hand slid down to my left breast. "I'm addicted to the goosebumps you get when I turn you on." He tighten his other hand on my thigh.
A small moan escaped my lips.
"And that. That sexy little noise you make when you want me inside of you. I'm addicted to that noise. I could live in moments like this. Where I have you in my arms. I need this. Whenever I'm not with you, I crave these moments. It's all I think about. You're all that I think about."
"That's love."
"Not when you're sick. Not for me."
"Don't say that."
"I'm an addict."
"No. You were an addict. You're good. We're good."
"It doesn't go away. I just found something healthier. For me. Not for you. You deserve better than this."
"Stop. Nothing is better than this. This is love. What we have is love." I put my hand on the left side of his chest. "You're labeling this wrong."
"No I'm not. I'm addicted to the way you make me feel. I'm addicted to you, Penny." He pushed the hem of my dress up, trailing his fingers against my skin.
"No, James. That's love. That's just love. I feel the same as you. I do. James, it's okay. We're okay."
He grabbed my hips and pulled my thong hard, ripping the lacy fabric in his hands. "I need you all the time."
Holy shit. I could feel his erection pressed against me. It was so hard to focus on his words when I was so incredibly turned on. "I need you the same way you need me. Don't you see that?"
"But it's just like you said. You didn't need saving, Penny. I did." He thrust into me hard.
Fuck. My fingertips dug into his back. "I thought I lost you," I moaned.
"I thought I lost you," he said back as he thrust even deeper inside of me.
"You'll never lose me." This was love. This was our love. And to me, it was the best kind of love possible.
He pushed my dress up and I lifted my arms up so he could pull it the rest of the way off. He made short work of my bra. As soon as his hands touched my breasts he moaned into my mouth.
"I'm addicted to every inch of your body, baby. Every fucking inch." He slammed into me hard. My back was digging into the edge of the granite counter top.
I knew he was exhausted and upset. But he was also wrong. He was just plain wrong. This was not unrequited love, it never had been. He wasn't addicted to me. He was in love with me.
I grabbed a fistful of his hair to pull his mouth off mine. "I love your smile. And your laugh. Whenever I smell your body wash or cologne I get turned on." I felt the same as him. And it wasn't a sickness. It was love.
"Penny."
"I love having your arms wrapped around me. And the way you absentmindedly run your fingers through your hair. I love the color of your eyes and the way that they're always on me. And I love this," I said as I tightened my legs around him. "I crave this too. I miss you when we're apart. I love every inch of you too. Love, James. Not addiction. It's love. I love you."