"I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean any of that. I was upset. I thought...I thought you were leaving me."
"That doesn't take it back. That doesn't undo all the hurtful things you said. All the lies..."
"I never lied to you!"
"You loved Isabella, James! I saw the notes. Every intimate detail. You talked about how excited you were to marry her. And how much you wanted children with her."
He ran his hand through his wet hair. "You don't understand."
"Then help me understand. Talk to me. Stop cutting me out of your life. Stop hiding from me!"
He lowered both his eyebrows and looked toward the coffee shop. "You're soaked. We should get out of the rain."
I wanted to slap him again. "We need to talk, James. Now. Somewhere more private than that."
He nodded. There was so much pain in his eyes, and it made me wonder if there was something else he had hidden from me. "Okay."
We both stood there awkwardly for a moment, watching each other in the rain. I wanted him to put his arms around me. I wanted him to kiss me like nothing was wrong. But I needed to know the truth and so did he. We needed to figure this out. We had to. I folded my arms across my chest.
"Where's your ring?" His eyes were locked on my naked hand.
"I left it with Rob."
"Baby..." his voice trailed off. "Please don't leave me. Please, I can't live without you." This time when he stepped toward me, I didn't push him away. I'd never leave him. The only reason I had walked out was to make sure he didn't. Because he was drunk. I didn't want him to get hurt. He needed to know that I wasn't going anywhere. So I let him put his hands on me. I let him kiss me, softly at first and then more savagely. I let myself get lost in the kiss because I needed it too. I needed to know that what we had wasn't a lie. And that maybe we could go back. Maybe we didn't have to be over. This time I didn't push him away when his palm slipped up the back of my shirt or his fingers tugged on my hair. He pulled me tightly against him. I knew he was trying to forget. I wanted to forget too. But we couldn't do that. We had to talk about what had happened. I lightly touched his chest.
"Tell me I'm not too late," he sighed. "Tell me I can fix this." His hand cupped the side of my face.
"We can fix it. But I need you to tell me everything, James. You have to let me in."
Chapter 4
Friday
James slid an access card into the scanner outside the elevator. I didn't ask him why he still had a key to this apartment. Whether or not he paid for Rob's place wasn't what I cared about. I kept my arms folded in front of my chest and stepped onto the elevator as soon as the doors parted. James leaned against the opposite side of the elevator with that wanting look on his face. He had given me the same look when I refused to hold his hand on the way back here. I loved him, but we weren't okay. He needed to understand that. If I gave into him, we'd never talk. We'd never get past this. And I needed to get past this.
The elevator stopped and James pressed in the code. The doors slid open.
Rob came running over to the elevator. He slid across the marble due to the socks he was wearing and skidded to a stop. "Hey. I'm glad you guys decided to talk. I may or may not have been spying on you from the window." He gave me a wink.
I wanted to laugh. I knew he was trying to cheer me up, but I didn't feel like laughing. I gave him a weak smile instead.
"So, are you two okay now?" he asked.
I glanced over at James. He stayed silent and so did I. He was staring at my hand where my ring had once sat.
"Rob, do you have my ring?"
"Um...yeah." He gave James a weird look and walked over to the kitchen. My ring was still sitting on the kitchen counter. "Right here." He picked it up.
I walked over to him and took it from his hand. James seemed to be focused on this one thing. If he was going to open up to me, I needed him to be focused on me and not my hand. I slid the ring back on my finger.
"So, you're good?" Rob asked.
"We have a lot to talk about."
"Okay, well, you guys are soaked. I folded your dress and put it on the bed in the first guest room. I was hoping you'd be back." He gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "James," he said as he stepped away from me, "want to borrow something?"
"Yeah, that would be great." James didn't take his eyes off me as he followed Rob to his bedroom. It was as if he thought I was going to run away again. Did he not remember last night? I didn't run, he forced me to leave.
I walked through the dining area and living room and opened the door to the hallway. This part of the apartment looked the same as when James had lived here. I opened up the door to the first guest room. My dress was folded neatly on the foot of the bed. My bra and thong were sitting next to it. I tried not to think about how awkward that was as I changed back into the clothes I had come in. My shoes were sitting next to the bed, but I had no desire to wear high heels right now.
I walked back into the kitchen just as James and Rob were coming out of the master bedroom. Rob was shorter than James and apparently wore different sized clothes. The tight t-shirt clung to every single one of James' muscles. I quickly moved my eyes back to his face. I wasn't going to be the one that led us astray during our conversation. James and I had always seemed to communicate best with our bodies. And it chilled me to think that that was all he wanted from me. We needed to have a serious conversation. No touching would be involved in that.
"So..." Rob let his voice fade away. "Is now a good time to tell you that I slept with Penny last night?"
I knew he was just trying to lighten the mood, but I seriously wanted to kill him.
James lowered both his eyebrows. "I swear to God, Rob, if you so much as..."
"I'm just kidding, man." Rob put his hands up in the air to show his innocence. "We fell asleep together on the couch. Nothing actually happened except for some light snuggling. Lighten up." He punched James' shoulder.
James looked down at his shoulder and then back at Rob. "Can we maybe have some privacy?"
"Um, yeah. I just talked to Mason before you got here to let him know you were okay. And it sounded like he needed some help with the decorations for the rehearsal dinner tonight. He clearly has no idea what he's doing."
James had called off our wedding. That meant there was no rehearsal or rehearsal dinner tonight. There was nothing to decorate for. I glanced up at James. Had he not told Rob?
I turned back to Rob. "Rob, I don't know if..."
"You'll be back to New York in time?" Rob said. He glanced at the time on the oven. "The rehearsal doesn't start until 6. You have plenty of time. Bee's going to come help too, I'm sure we'll need a woman's touch. But we'll have it all done in time, I promise."
I pressed my lips together. Why was I being forced to break the news to Rob? This wasn't what I wanted. But James wasn't stepping in. "There's no reason to decorate," I said.
Rob laughed. "Why? You're still getting married, right?"
"We haven't..."
"Yes," James said, cutting me off.