"I'm sorry."
His Adam's apple rose and fell. "I can't be your friend anymore."
"I know."
He nodded his head. "I guess this is goodbye then?"
"Where are you going to go?" I thought about his apartment in New York. Melissa was probably waiting there, seething. Hating both of us.
"I think maybe I need a fresh start too," he said. "Somewhere...sunnier."
I nodded. "I hope you find what you're looking for."
"I already found what I was looking for," Tyler said with sigh. "Now...now I'm running away because it hurts too fucking much."
"Tyler..."
"Go back to New York, Penny. Don't spend your whole life missing him. It's exhausting to deny yourself what you want, to spend your whole life dreaming about what you're missing."
The fact that he was talking about me made my chest hurt even more.
"I really hope that you two work it out," he said.
"Thanks, Tyler." I took a step toward him to hug him goodbye, but he immediately took a step back.
"Bye, Penny." He turned around and walked away from me. I watched him climb back into his car. I lifted my hand to wave goodbye, but he didn't look back as he pulled away from the curb and out of my life.
Chapter 3
Friday
My Uber was going to arrive any minute to take me to the airport. The car was going to come to the coffee shop. Up until this point I had avoided it. I had walked all around campus, remembering, savoring the happy and sad memories, the joy and the pain. I was filled up with fleeting images of James. It was time to go. I couldn't stay here living like this.
It felt like déjà vu walking toward the coffee shop. I had walked this path so many times. Good and bad memories flooded back to me in a rush. I wanted to focus on the good, but my mind wouldn't let me. It was like I was transported back in time to when James had broken up with me back at school. Only this was worse. He didn't need time now. What he did need was someone that wasn't me. Someone better.
I was numb before, walking through the rain and mist, but now the ache in my chest was all I could feel. I wanted to think about meeting him for the first time. I stopped outside the coffee shop. It was open now and locals were inside, enjoying their Friday mornings. But all I could see was James bursting through the door on that day that changed my life. His hands had steadied me. He had always grounded me. He was always there to catch me when it felt like I was falling. I was falling now. Where was he?
I closed my eyes and I pictured the rose petals on the floor. I could imagine the candles on the tables perfectly. I could see James down on one knee. His words were all around me. Promises of a future. Confessions of his feelings. He talked about how hard he had fallen for me. Had he lied? I turned around and looked out at the falling rain. I didn't feel defeated anymore. I was angry. How could he throw away what we had? How could he do this to me? I had given him everything I could. I had given him every single piece of me.
I pulled my phone out of my purse. He said he didn't want to see me, but I'd make him hear my voice. Didn't we owe it to ourselves to talk this out? I dialed the number for our apartment. His apartment. This time, he'd listen to me. I'd make him listen to me. After several rings, the voicemail came on. It was a cheery message with both of us talking. It ended with me saying, "and the future Mrs. Hunter." Stupid, naive, pathetic girl. The voicemail beeped, signaling that it was time to leave a message.
"Answer the phone, James. Talk to me! Don't cut me out like I meant nothing. Please!" My voice cracked. "James, please. You're supposed to believe me. You're supposed to trust me! Answer the fucking phone! Listen to what I have to say. Stop pretending like I mean nothing to you. Stop pushing me away! Pick up!" I was choking on my words. "Damn it, James, pick up the phone. Please."
"He's not here, Penny."
My heart starting beating fast. I hadn't realized that someone had answered the phone. "Mason? Is that you?"
"Hey." He sounded pissed. "You can stop yelling now."
"Put him on, Mason. Please, I have to talk to him."
"No, I mean, he's seriously not here. I'd force him to talk to you if he was."
"Where is he?"
"I don't know. I woke up this morning and he was gone."
Shit. "Have you looked for him?"
"What the fuck do you think I've been doing?" He sounded on edge.
"I'm sorry, I..."
"You shouldn't have walked out on him, Penny. He's a fucking mess because of you. Why would you leave him like that?"
"I didn't leave him. He kicked me out."
Mason sighed. "God, where the hell did he go? Where would he have gone?"
"I don't know." I looked behind me at the coffee shop. "Maybe somewhere that we used to go together? Maybe the Tavern on the Green? Or our old apartment? He didn't sell it yet. He could have gone there." But those were all suggestions if he was missing me. I wasn't sure if that was the case. The thought was chilling. I wrapped my free arm around myself.
"I already looked in both those places. Think, Penny."
My heart sunk. Then he definitely wasn't going somewhere to think about me. "Have you tried to call Isabella?" It pained me to say the words, but it was a possibility. A terrible, awful possibility.
"He wouldn't go there."
"How do you know?"
"Because he loves you."
"I'd try Isabella," I said. I thought back to our fight here on campus. He had broken up with me and he ran right back to her. It was always her. It had never been me. He had loved her and he had lied to me about it. Maybe he still did love her.
"Can you just come help me look?" Mason asked.
"I have a flight to catch."
"Where the hell are you going? Aren't you going to try to fix this? I spent all night trying to defend you, and now you're fucking leaving? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Mason, I..."
"He's missing, Penny. I woke up at 6 a.m. and he was gone. He's not answering my calls. I can't find him anywhere. Something's wrong. I don't know what else to do here. Don't you care at all?"
"Of course I care."
"Then what the hell are you waiting for? Get your ass back here and help me find him, he needs you."
I swallowed hard. "He doesn't need me, Mason. He needs you, his friends, his family. Not me. He made that pretty clear last night. You weren't there. You didn't hear what he said. He never needed me. He just needed to realize what he already had. You and Matt, Rob and Jen, his parents if he'd give them another chance. He doesn't even love himself, I don't know why I ever thought he was capable of loving me." My Uber car pulled up in front of me.
"Just because someone doesn't think they're capable of love, it doesn't mean they haven't loved. He's just...broken."
"And I can't fix him."
"That's bullshit and you know it."
"I have to go."
"Penny, don't give up on him. And what about me? And Bee? Rob and Jen and Matt? Do we mean nothing to you either? You said we were your family. You don't just walk out on family."