That's not fair. "When you find him, tell him I'll always love him. And that I'm sorry...about everything."
"Penny, don't..."
I hung up the phone. I had lost James. I had lost my new family. Tyler was gone. Melissa would probably never speak to me again. I had no one. Didn't Mason see that? Didn't he realize how much it killed me to walk away? But that's what James wanted. He asked me to leave. He never wanted to see me again. I had to go. I had to disappear. I grabbed the door handle and climbed into the car.
"Where are you heading?" the driver asked.
Despite what Mason thought, I did care. That's why I was leaving. I looked down at the phone in my hand. What if James was hurt, though? What if something really was wrong? Mason sounded concerned. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him because of me. Because of what I had done.
I thought about what Tyler had said about going through your whole life wanting someone. Why was I running away? That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to fight for James. He didn't know why I had done what I had. He didn't understand that I was trying to protect him. He didn't understand that I did it out of love. And he was hurting. He was missing. This was my fault. I needed to fix it. I needed to make him understand. I needed to find him before it was too late.
Fuck. "I'm sorry," I said to the driver. "Just charge me whatever it would have cost."
"That's not how it works..."
But I was already climbing out of the car. I needed to talk to Rob. He'd know what to do. He'd know where to find James. He'd help me. He had to help me. I slammed the car door and turned back toward Rob's apartment.
And I ran straight into someone. No, not someone. All I could smell was him. All I could feel was his grip on my arms. James. It didn't feel real. I didn't want to look up and realize it was just a memory. I'd always be haunted by him. I'd never stop wanting him.
"You came here too." His voice was gruff, like he hadn't used it since he had woken up. Or maybe he had never slept. But it was definitely him. He had come back to me. He had been drawn to the coffee shop just like I had.
I looked up at his face. He was as soaked as me. Droplets of water clung to the scruff on his face. His eyes were red and there were dark circles underneath. But even when he looked a mess, he was still the most handsome man I had ever seen.
"James, I thought something had happened to you." I put my hands on both sides of his face. "Thank God you're okay."
He wiped his thumb under my eye, where I wasn't even aware a tear had fallen. "Why did you come here?"
I had the vague sense that maybe he had been walking around remembering too. Like he thought this was some kind of dream or nightmare too. "Where else would I have gone, James?"
"I thought you'd be with Tyler." The pain on his face made me want to cry. But before I had a chance to say anything, he said, "Penny, I don't care why you did it. I just need to know if you want me instead of him. I need to know that you'll always choose me. Please choose me. Please tell me I'm not too late."
He really didn't know the truth. No one had told him. But he was still here. He still wanted me despite what he thought had happened, and that meant everything. "I'll always choose you."
His lips crashed against mine before I even knew what was happening. Part of me wanted to push him off and slap him. He had hurt me too. He hadn't apologized to me. His hand moved to my hair and he gripped it hard. But I wanted this too. The kiss was salty, and I wasn't sure if it was from my tears or his. I had never meant to hurt him. His fingers slipped underneath the back of my wet tank top. No, this isn't right. He needed to know what had really happened. He had diminished our relationship to nothing. He had hurt me. We needed to talk about everything. I turned my head away from him and tried to catch my breath.
His fingers intertwined in my hair again and he pressed his forehead against mine. "I thought I'd never see you again. I thought I lost you. I thought..." his throat made a desperate gasp, holding back a sob that made me start to cry again.
I closed my eyes. "Then why did you push me away? Why didn't you believe me?"
"Because a part of me has always thought that you'd be better off with Tyler. That he can make you happier than I ever could. I feel like I've always just been standing in your way, holding you back from what you deserve." His forehead was still pressed against mine. Droplets of water were falling down my face, a mixture of tears and rain.
"I love you and only you."
He didn't say anything. And I knew it was because he didn't believe me. He thought I didn't love him. He thought I didn't care. He thought I stole money from him so that I could run away with another man.
"James, I've only ever loved you. I only ever will love you."
He lifted his head away from mine. "But maybe you're too young to realize what you really want."
I was trying to stay calm for his sake. I was sad and upset, but I was also angry. I was angry at him for telling me to leave. I was angry at him for not listening to me, for not trusting me. I pulled back and pushed his hands off me. "Don't throw my age in my face. Why do you always do that? Yes, I'm younger than you. But I'm an adult. I can make my own choices. And every choice I have ever made since meeting you has revolved around you. Not because I'm immature, but because you're what I want. You make me happy. Why can't you see that? I didn't take the money so that Tyler could have it. Isabella..."
"Stop." His voice was icy. He ran his hand through his hair. "Jesus, I don't care about what happened. All I care about is the fact that you're here right now with me and not with him. I forgive you. I just want to move forward. Please don't talk about him."
He forgives me? He was here right now, so why did my chest still hurt? Why did it still feel like I was drowning? "We need to talk about what happened, James. We can't move forward unless we talk about it."
"You said we were being blackmailed. I'll take your word for it. It's over now. We're going to be okay. We have to be okay."
It wasn't over now. Isabella was still out there, probably planning her next diabolical move. And despite what James said, it didn't sound like he believed me at all. "Then why didn't you call me back? Why did you just disappear?"
"Because I want what's best for you."
Before I even realized what was happening, I had slapped him hard across the face.
He looked shocked. And pissed. God, he looked so pissed. But he didn't get to be upset with me. He was the one that pushed me away. He was the one that wouldn't hear me out.
"What's best for me? How would you know what's best for me if you don't listen to me, James?" I poked him hard in the middle of the chest. "When you prefer to listen to your ex-wife instead?" I poked him again. "What's best for me certainly isn't hearing that I'm ugly on the inside. That you only ever wanted me for sex." I poked him again. "That you never loved me!" I was choking on my words.
"Penny..."
"How could you say that to me? How could you not listen to what I had to say? You never hear me, James. You never listen."