Michael spots me wavering in the entrance and waves me in, that dazzling smile still on his face. The others glance over, and I brace myself for their happiness to slip away, but it doesn’t. They’re smiling, so I give them a hesitant smile in return. Are we really going to pretend yesterday never happened? Did the lords order them to do so? I glance at them for confirmation before remembering that I have my mental wall in place. Instead of asking aloud, I take my seat in between Uriel and Michael.
“You look beautiful in my coven’s colors, Blair,” Raph says, a sultry purr in his voice.
My core throbs in response to his words as I look up at him through my long lashes. “Thank you.”
He grins, and it holds so many devilish promises that I nearly squirm in delight. They’re just as eager to take me to bed as I am to be taken. Hopefully, we can start it after breakfast is over, that’s how horny I am. In an attempt to cool myself I face forward and cross my legs. But it’s too late, all the vampires at the table have scented my lust, and each of my lords are looking at me like I’m going to be their midday snack, fangs out and gleaming.
“Put those away,” I admonish while buttering two pieces of toast. I can only hope that they don’t notice my shaking fingers.
Gabriel chuckles before taking a sip of the blood in his goblet and raising it to me, “To the most alluring woman in the room.”
His brothers follow suit and hold up their glasses, making me blush. I glance at Carden out of the corner of my eye to see him not even holding his glass, let alone raising it. He’s focused on Jade, gazing at her with a primal hunger I’ve never seen on his face before. She’s looking at me, smiling and holding out her glass of water. I grin back at her, holding my glass to her instead. A blush fans across her face when Carden joins me, and we share a secret smile.
If he’s anything like who he was before he turned, then there’s no one else I’d want to love my best friend. Even if it does send a pang through my chest in the deepest, darkest parts of myself. I’ll ignore it, I’ll grow from it, and then leave it all behind for something better. The thought makes me glance at the lords beside me, a smile on my face. When did I start thinking this way? From the very beginning, a voice whispers in the back of my mind, and I shake it away.
“So, when’s the party this time around?” I ask to divert my own silly thoughts.
Raph leans forward, setting his goblet on the table. “This coming weekend, so about three days. And we actually want your help planning it this time. Now that we’ve gotten to know you, it’s time that you learn a little bit about your duties as our queen.”
His words peak my interest and I lean forward, cold toast forgotten on my plate. “Really? I was wondering about that. Do I have a job of sorts? Because I really don’t like being idle.”
“I guess you could call it a job,” Michael says, tapping his chin. “You plan parties, keep the courtiers happy, and enjoy your days decorating the castles for the seasons. Oh! And give us your blood of course.”
I pull my brows together, making a sour face. “Keep the courtiers happy? That sounds awful. I hate crowds.”
Uriel laughs. “It’s not that bad, they’ll mostly leave you alone. All they come for is the free booze, good music, and food. As long as you have those things at every gathering, it should be smooth sailing.”
I sit back in my chair, disappointment swirling in my chest. What they’re describing is nothing like what I wanted my duties to be. I thought I’d be helping them write laws and change society for the better, to make it more fair for humans and vampires alike. That’s what having a job looks like. Not useless and costly partying night after night. I’m not sure I can stomach it. The lords watch me closely, noting every change in mood or facial expression. Probably because my mind is closed off to them now.
“Alright, so when do I start?” I say, much less enthusiastically than before.
Raph stares at me, his gaze practically cutting me to the core. “Today. Carden and Jade will be the first members of your inner circle. All queens have one. They live in the castle with you and help you with all of the tasks placed on your shoulders.”
His words send a jolt of hope through my veins. I don’t have to do it alone! Thank the Gods and all that is holy. I turn to Jade, bouncing in my seat while clasping my hands together. She’s doing the same, proving just how alike we are. The sight sets Gabriel off again, his smooth laughter grazing against my skin like a caress. I lock eyes with him across the table. Mischief dances there, and a little bit of mocking humor. Despite being happier and, I’d say more than willing to get to know me, he’s still an ass sometimes.
Piss off, I mouth to him. The insult only makes his smile widen, just as I knew it would. I’m beginning to figure him out. Poking fun at me might very well be his favorite thing to do for the rest of our lives.
The rest of our lives.
The thought came through my mind so effortlessly that it shocks me. These men are going to be the one constant in my life for the next one hundred years. Pointing it out to myself floors me, and I grip both hand rests on my chair for balance. It’s not that I hadn’t noticed it before, of course I have, but it feels more real now than it ever has before. We’re not playing dress up, it’s not temporary. We’re creating a life together. And maybe it’s time that I take that seriously because every choice from here on out will affect the rest of my life.
The rest of our lives.
Chapter Four
The days leading up to the big party fly by in a whirlwind of stupid little decisions. Which ribbon would you like around the center pieces, white or gold? How many pastries should be made? How many pints of blood do I recommend? Should the banners be red or yellow, or should there be none at all? I never knew royal party planning could be so fantastically dull. The only fun part was choosing the type of food to be served, and of course, Jade and I chose our favorites. Other than that, it was stressful and a waste of time.
“There, done,” Jade sighs, falling back into the couch next to Carden.
The final instructions have been written and signed by me, leaving no box unchecked or hall undecorated. It’s a relief just to be done with it all. I honestly think working as a waitress would be better than this for the rest of my life.
“Thank the lord. That was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do,” I complain.
Carden chuckles. “You’ll get used to it.”
I nearly flinch, but refrain. Every time he talks I’m reminded of his existence, and while I vowed to be happy for my two friends beside me, the pain of his loss still lingers in the dark recesses of my heart. All I’ve done is become better at compartmentalizing my feelings for the old Carden in comparison to the new Carden. They’re two different people, after all, according to the lords.
I glance at him, biting my lip with nerves. I still haven’t found the time to apologize to him. I’d prefer to do it in private, but we’ve never been alone together. Either Jade or the lords are in the room with us, and I suspect that that isn’t just a coincidence. They’re making sure that I don’t get uncomfortable, or maybe too comfortable, with this new Carden. It’s both sweet and infuriating. I’m starting to worry that I’ll never get a minute to apologize any time soon, making it stale and no longer worthwhile. Maybe it already is, I mean, he doesn’t seem upset with me or even curious about it.