He smiles tentatively at me. “I will do everything in my power to make it up to you, Blair. Even if you want me to send him away.”
Closing my mind off, I briefly entertain the idea. Would I like him to send Carden away from here? Or would facing him allow me to come to terms with my grief? I honestly don’t know the answer right now, and I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t just be sending away my ex, but also a friend. I’m sure that they’ve grown close in the last few years after living together for so long. Raph might even know Carden better now than I do, and it makes me wonder just how much he’s changed since becoming a vampire.
“No, don’t send him away. That’s not necessary. Let’s all work together to move forward. I’m going to do my best to get to know him again, to try and let go,” I reply, gripping his hands for dear life.
Even saying the words scares me to death. Raph pulls me in for a hug, taking a deep breath of my scent. It’s then that he pauses, a primal growl slipping from his throat. He sniffs again before pulling back, his fangs out and crimson eyes flashing. My eyes widen when I realize what’s happening. He smelled Gabriel and I’s love making, or bloodletting, or both.
Shit, I project to Gabriel without looking back at him.
“Indeed,” he murmurs aloud, taking a step back as Raph advances on him.
“You took advantage of her while she was upset?” He nearly bellows, towering over his younger brother, fingers curling as the nails grow longer.
Michael and Uriel both respond to Raph’s claim, teeth snapping at their brother as they too stalk forward. Sweat breaks out along my lower back as I grip my hands together in front of me. I don’t know how to stop them from doing whatever it is they're about to do. Then it dawns on me, I can lower my shield and shout at them!
It’s not his fault, it’s mine! I seduced him!
I nearly scream the words in my head, trying to catch their attention. It works, as they flinch at the loud screech before turning toward me and tilting their heads primitively. Having their undivided attention when their fangs and talons are out makes me nervous, even while knowing they’d never hurt me. I shift from foot to foot, biting my lip.
“It was me, he said no several times, but I wouldn’t let up.”
Michael turns to Gabriel. “Is this true?”
Gabriel nods, eyes wide, hands still in the air in a placating gesture. “Yes, but I was the one who decided to take her blood. I’m sorry, brothers, I have failed you.”
Michael clasps him on the shoulder. “No, we were being unfair, waiting. It’s her choice whether or not to fully submit to us, and she will do so when she’s ready. It’s no reason to withhold sex.”
Gabriel heaves out a breath before slumping forward, clearly relieved by his brothers’ understanding. I’m not sure why he was so worried, I knew they’d give him a pass, especially when it led me to apologize and become closer to them. Raph turns back to me, giving me a strange look.
“He taught you to close yourself off to us,” he says.
“Yes, he did,” I say, yawning.
“Interesting,” is all he says in response, eyes unreadable.
A sudden bout of fatigue grips me, and my eyelids flutter. Uriel steps forward, holding out his hand. I take his hand and allow him to lead me toward my room. The others follow, coming right into the bedroom with us. It doesn’t bother me, that is, until they go so far as to climb into bed around me, petting me and massaging me on all sides. It isn’t sexual, if anything it leaves me struggling to stay awake.
“What are you guys doing? The bed isn’t big enough for all of us,” I say, voice low and thick with sleep.
“We’re all going to rest together; we want to be near you. Is that alright?” Uriel asks, voice dripping with vampire magic.
I blink my eyes open, narrowing them at him as best I can. “I know what you’re trying to do, and it doesn’t work on me. But I’m saying yes anyway. As long as you don’t stop massaging me until I fall asleep.”
An orchestra of chuckles follows my comment, leaving me smiling faintly as my eyes flutter closed, a sigh escaping my lips. In a matter of moments, I’m drifting off, the warm presence of my lords being a welcome lullaby.
***
The next morning, I roll over and reach out only to feel empty sheets. My heart plummets when I realize that they’re gone. I feel cold without them in my bed, and it makes me wish that they had stayed until I woke up. Am I becoming attached to them beyond reason? I think, chewing on my bottom lip as I slide to the edge of the bed. That realization makes me throw up my mental shield, stopping my thoughts from drifting away.
As if on cue, Scarlet and Eden burst into the room, throwing open the curtains and pinching me cheeks. I push Eden away with a scowl before marching toward the bathroom door, already smelling the fresh scent of rose bath salts. It’s nice how they have my bath and coffee ready every morning before I even wake. Perhaps I’m getting used to the life of a human queen, I think, snorting.
Despite it feeling heavenly, I rush through bathing so I can get downstairs faster. There’s one more apology I need to make before moving on today. I might even owe him an explanation. Ugh. Even the thought of explaining why I freaked out yesterday to Carden makes me cringe. It will only make our new relationship as friends harder, maybe even impossible. Now that I think about it, I’m slightly embarrassed for how I acted in front of everyone yesterday, even if it was a little bit justified.
Eden blow dries my hair and soft curls it, making it look fluffy and natural while Scarlet paints my lips with the finishing touches of gloss. They had convinced me to wear a dress today, and I’m still miffed about it. Fall colors don’t really suit my skin tone, and this knee length gold chiffon gown with leaves sewn into the hem is no exception.
“Do I really look okay in this?” I ask again when they allow me to stand up and take a look at the completed look.
“Of course! You look beautiful,” Scarlet responds immediately.
I turn in the mirror, looking at myself from all angles, and am surprised by what I see. The gold does war with my skin tone, yet the dress being on the shorter side shows off my long legs, and the matching stilettos make them look even longer. Satisfied, I turn toward my maids and smile. They return it before ushering me out the door, saying that I’ll be late to breakfast.
No one is in the hall to escort me, leaving my heart to deflate for the second time today. I nearly slouch before forcing myself to straighten. No man will control my mood, I had vowed that long ago, and it won’t start now after so many years of being my own person. While I’ll allow myself to like them, even to. . . lust after them, that’s it. No love, stupid overwhelming infatuation, and certainly no reliance. I never even gave Carden that for god’s sake!
At least I’d like to tell myself that I didn’t.
The thoughts swirl away when I turn into the dining room. Everyone is there, chatting away with smiles on their lips. I know the moment they spot me, all that will end, so I stop in the doorway for a moment, observing. Jade leans into Carden, placing two fingers along his bicep. It doesn’t make me jealous when he appears to enjoy it, in fact, I want him too. I want him to be happy just as much as I want to be happy. That’s a step in the right direction, right?