“Look who’s decided to join us,” Gabriel drawls, a sardonic smile on his face.
“Good morning to you too,” I mumble, taking my seat between Uriel and Michael while looking only at my plate.
A part of me knows exactly where Carden is sitting, two seats downright next to Jade. Before I came in, they were talking as they always had, jovially, easily. Like they were made to be best friends, or perhaps something more if I weren't around. That thought had always crossed my mind when watching them joke around and tease one another. Perhaps I was always destined to fall for the lords, leaving Carden to fall for anyone he wished. That may even be why Jade agreed to come with us so easily, as if she’s being dragged along a path against her will.
“Did you sleep well?” Michael murmurs close to my ear.
His question spurs me out of my thoughts, and I look up across the table. Gabriel is there, smirking around a crystal glass full of ruby blood. I refuse to show him how much it angers me, especially when he can probably hear my angry thoughts. You’re an ass! I think, glaring at him. His smirk widens, but he doesn’t say anything in rebuttal.
“Yes, I slept like a baby,” I reply while spooning various foods onto my plate. I turn to Jade. “Do you like your room?”
She straightens, smiling. “Yes, I never knew I’d like a rustic setting so much. But I guess it is as elegant as woodwork can be.”
“I think that was supposed to be a compliment, Raph,” Carden says from beside her, pulling my eyes to him.
His face is set into an easy smile, and no tension lines his shoulders. It must be nice to have no memory of me, no love left in his heart. But him forgetting makes me feel even more overbearing grief, as if I’m being forced to haul it for the both of us. He smiles at me then, lifting two fingers in greeting. The familiar gesture stabs an arrow through my heart, but I manage to smile back.
“So, Blair. I’ve heard so much about you,” Carden says, leaning in and steepling his hands together on the table. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you face to face.”
Without meaning to, I give him a strange look. Does he not remember writing that short letter to me? It has been two years since then. Perhaps vampires have a different sort of memory than humans, allowing them to float away like stray feathers. I can’t blame him for it, not this version of him, anyhow. All this grief, all the loss. It can stay with me forever, so I can choose to set myself free. It’s time that I let it go.
If only it were as easy as saying the words.
“Same to you,” I reply, plastering a fake smile on my lips. “I mean, I’ve heard things.”
His brows flick up as he glances at Raph. “Only good things, I hope.”
A part me squeezes with grief once more, but I refuse to let it rule me. Instead, I begin shoveling food into my mouth like I haven’t eaten in a week. The lords watch me do so with sly smiles on their faces, knowing full well that I’m both embarrassing myself and trying to avoid having to tell Carden the truth. Will he want to be reminded? And why doesn’t he remember the note?
Unless. . . .
Could Raph have sent it to me in his stead? My head whips toward him and I narrow my eyes. Raph sits back in his chair, looking unaffected by my glare. But he can’t fool me, I’ve begun to learn things about them after spending days upon days in their presence. Raph has a nervous tick. He taps his third and fourth finger against the table when he’s worried or upset, and he’s doing it right now.
You asshole! I spit at him with my mind.
He flinches, blood sloshing from the goblet and onto his tunic. His brothers look from him to me and back again like they're watching a tennis game, their eyes wide as saucers. That alone tells me they weren’t in on it. It’s one thing for Raph to take Carden in, to teach him and become his friend. But this? Manipulating me? Sending fake messages that have plagued me with horror ever since?
“It was meant to give you closure,” he whispers, face stricken.
“It didn’t,” I spit, my hands shaking with so much rage that I have to ball them into fists. “It would have been better not to know, I think. At least then I wouldn’t have spent two years pouring over a fake letter and trying to figure out why a man who loved me, who cherished me, suddenly couldn’t care less!”
Raph stands, throwing out his arms. “We told you that he lost his human self!”
“But I didn’t know that!” I nearly scream, voice shrill and grating.
Uriel flinches beside me; one hand close to my own clenched fists sitting on the table. As if he’d love nothing more than to comfort me but was too afraid to try. It’s probably for the best. My emotions are all over the place right now, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings with my rejection. Gabriel looks at me then; that steely faraway look in his eyes that I’ve seen so many times before. Letting me know that he’s thinking about his former lover, the woman he had been so close to. Does he feel what I feel, I wonder?
As if I had screamed the question at him, his eyes snap to mine. But they’re unreadable pits of darkness, full of a despair and rage so unending that I shrink back in my seat. The feeling is gone from one blink to the next, and I wonder briefly if I had imagined it. No, it was there. A terrifying reminder of just how old these men sitting around me are, of how many human life spans they’ve lived. It must be truly tiring to be immortal; I think.
“It is,” Michael whispers, voice low, responding to my thoughts.
Raph is still standing, blood sprayed across his shirt so much like that night we shared together. It sends a pang of sadness through my chest, but I brush it aside. Now isn’t the time to forgive and forget. I can’t help but feel that he has caused me an insurmountable amount of pain. Pain that can’t be wished away or cured. Despite it, the look on his face draws me in. So much agony and regret are twisted into his features. I sway forward, wishing that I could comfort him before snapping myself back again. Stupid ancient curse forcing me to like him even when I hate him. I rise to my feet, pushing the chair back. It screeches across the floor, the sound echoing across the silent room. My eyes flit to Carden and Jade to see them both gaping at me in surprise. It would be funny if it were about anything else.
“I’d like to go on a ride,” I murmur. “Gabriel, will you take me?”
Chapter Two
“I have to say, I was surprised when you requested my company over my brothers,” Gabriel drawls while fastening on his horse's saddle. “Uriel would surely be a better choice to cheer you up.”
I raise my eyebrows at him, checking my own horse’s saddle to make sure it’s on correctly. “Cheer me up? Really? Do you even understand what happened back there?”
He gives me a look so full of disdain that I grit my teeth. “Of course, I do. What I don’t understand is why you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. While it may have been a little misguided, it’s obvious that my brother meant well. Plus, it’s all in the past.”
Without waiting for my answer to his very condescending explanation, he swings onto the back of his horse and urges it out of the barn. I follow suit, steam practically coming out of my nostrils at his insinuation. Making a mountain out of a molehill? That alone might make me kill him. I’ve never felt so belittled in my entire life!