“Alright, sensi, I’m ready. Teach me all that you know,” I say, bowing my head low.
He rolls his eyes. “There really isn’t anything special to it. Close your eyes,” he says, pausing until I obediently do so, stomach swirling with tension. “Now picture your mind, look at your thoughts and memories swirling in all directions.”
I do as I’m told, focusing hard on my own mind. He’s right, every aspect that makes me is swirling around in my head, floating away from me and into him freely. Even though I know I couldn’t possibly stop it from happening, my hands shoot out, trying to grab onto them, but they slip through my fingers like water. Grunting in frustration, I sit back again when Gabriel places a comforting hand on my knee.
“Now imagine a wall, or a protective shield coming up and around your mind. It will keep things from leaving or coming in without your permission.” he soothes, voice low and lilting.
I relax as I listen, imagining a shining silver shield coming up and around my mind. As soon as it’s in place, my thoughts bounce against it, trapped inside once more. I heave a sigh in relief and slouch forward, sweat beading off my brow.
“Mental shielding is easy to put in place, but taxing to hold there,” he murmurs, shifting so that he’s sitting beside me, rubbing my back. “You’ll have to practice raising it and dropping it, then holding it for several minutes, then hours, then even days. Soon it will become second nature, and you won’t need to worry about it.”
I blink my eyes open before falling against his side, completely spent by both the blood loss and the mental strain. My shield falls, leaving me bare before him again, but I don’t mind. Even knowing that I could shut them out if I wanted is enough to give me a sense of peace. We sit in front of the lake for a long while in silence, Gabriel absentmindedly rubbing slow circles along my arm.
The sensation sends wave after wave of peace through me, and I melt into his side. His skin is warm now after drinking from me, leaving me pliable in his arms. I let my hand rest against his thigh, and it feels easy, like we’ve done this for years and will do it again and again. Not even sleepy afternoons with Carden had felt like this, I think. The thought startles me, and so does the feeling of indifference to it. His name doesn’t immediately send a pang of sadness through my chest anymore and comparing him to the lords feels. . . different than it did before. Less damning, less like they’ll lose in every match up.
I admit that seeing him this morning was a doozy and left my emotions running on high. It set back the healing I started in that field on the way to Raph’s coven, but it didn’t completely stall it. Every time the lords and I come together we grow closer, and a side effect of that is that Carden’s hold on me loosens, as does the grief. I want to be angry about it, but I just can’t bring it forth. My anger toward the lords when I falsely accused them of killing Carden has faded away, as did the midnight darkness that had plagued me in the years since his death. I’m healing for the first time since learning of his demise, and. . . and that’s okay. It’s okay to let him go.
“I’m glad you feel that way, amante.”
“What does amante mean?” I ask.
“Lover,” he purrs into my ear, nibbling on my earlobe.
I laugh before pushing him away and standing up to brush off my tunic. The sun is setting, and I’m sure the other lords are worried about me. It’s time to go back and apologize for yelling at Raph. Gabriel was right before; he had my best interest at heart and it’s all in the past. If I can’t let it go, it will only become another thing that festers inside my chest, and I surely have enough of that to go around. He rises as well and begins packing up while I fold the blanket for him. After putting the blanket away, he turns and slides his arms around my waist from behind, leaning his chin on my shoulder.
“You’re becoming happier here, amante, I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that,” he murmurs.
I grip his hands, smiling. “Me too, now let’s go home.”
Chapter Three
Raph’s castle is even more breathtaking in the setting sun. The mahogany glows like polished gold, throwing out arcs of light across the lawn as we gallop closer. All of the stained glass windows glow from within, mixing colored light in with the golden arcs from the wood. Seeing it like this makes me put a hand to my chest in wonder. Raph was right, I love it here so far. A rustic setting is better for me, I think. All this open land to ride, and the cute town sprawling below the castle calls to me in a way Divian didn’t. But I’d never tell Michael that.
“Then throw up your shield before he hears you,” Gabriel calls as he races past, toward the stables, his face split in a wide grin.
I frown, urging my mare forward as I chase after him, streaking across the field. She rides valiantly all the way back to the barn, but Gabriel and his stallion had a head start on us. Even his horse is proud as it stomps in circles while throwing its head back and forth. I laugh as I dismount and take off the mare’s saddle, patting her flank for good measure. She was a pleasure to ride, but I miss Candice. Hopefully they’re taking good care of her in Divian.
After putting her back into her stall, I turn to see Gabriel brushing out his stallion. The horse is still preening when I hold out a sugar cube from a nearby bucket. He takes it gently, letting me know that he’s both gentle and powerful at the same time. He has that in common with the lords, along with that proud, nearly suffocating personality.
“Hey, I heard that!” Gabriel says from the other side of the horse, humor in his voice.
“You were meant to,” I reply, patting the horse on his neck before stepping away. “I wouldn’t be surprised if this was your personal horse, he has so much character.”
Gabriel comes around to hand up the brush, then urges his stallion into the remaining open stall. “I’m going to choose to take that as a compliment. He is mine, and his name is Forza. It means strength.”
As if knowing that he’s being talked about, Forza tosses his head again, snorting. He really is a beautiful horse. The sheer size of him dwarfs me, letting me know that he’s a Clydesdale. His tan coat is well kept and shiny, and the deep brown of his mane is the perfect contrast. I’d love to ride double with Gabriel sometime soon.
“If he’s yours, why is he being kept here?” I ask while following Gabriel out of the barn and back up the slope to the back patio of the castle.
He shrugs. “Whenever I’m gone from my home coven, I have Forza transported here. He’s happiest with Raph’s string.”
“String?” I ask, catching up to him at the doors.
“It’s a word for a group of horses.”
Before I can ask any more questions, the others rush up to us. Michael grips my shoulders and looks me over before crushing me against his chest in a firm hug. It surprises me, and I let out a startled laugh while making eye contact with Raph and Uriel from over his shoulder. Uriel shrugs, smiling, but the worry lines around his eyes give him away. They were all worried about me after my quick getaway earlier. Raph refuses to meet my eyes, probably still ashamed after I blew up on him earlier.
I pull away from Michael, patting him on the cheek for good measure, before walking to Raph. “Look at me,” I say, and he does, his face open and full of regret. “I had some time to think about it, and I don’t blame you. It may have hurt me in the past, but it wasn’t meant to. You had my best interest at heart, and I know that now. I’m going to try to move on, I want to move on.”