“Oh, Gabe, I should just tell him not to come.” I bit my thumbnail as I paced the living room. Grabbing my phone to find his number, the knock at the door reminded me that I lost track of time. Everything will be fine; I am in control. I am in control.
I blew out the deep breath I was holding and opened the door. "Well, aren't you punctual?"
“Early, in fact. I didn't want to give you time to change your mind." The sparkle in his deep brown eyes was brighter than the bouquet he was holding. Pink, red, and white roses in a ceramic blue vase.
An unfamiliar, warm sensation flooded me as he handed the flowers to me. “What do you think this will get you?”
“I was hoping for an invitation in.” He ruffled up his hair as his eyes darted to his feet.
“Of course, come on in. I’m just messing with you, you know that, right?”
Nervous laughter spilled out. "I never know with you, Val."
“Thanks for the flowers.” I stuck my nose in the bouquet and inhaled the delightful fragrance. “They’re beautiful. It’s been ages since anyone did something like this for me.” I set the vase down on the center of my kitchen table and pushed my hands into my back pockets. “You wanna see if your show is on?”
“Can I get a hug first? I mean, it’s the least you can do for those beautiful flowers.” He walked over to me and held his arms out.
“I knew there had to be a price.” I knocked down my wall and let him embrace me. As my head rested against his chest, I closed my eyes and inhaled his masculine scent. “What are you wearing?”
“Clothes, Val.”
“Ha-ha, smartass. I mean, what is that smell?”
“You like? It’s the old standby, Gravity.”
“Yeah, I like. It mixes well with the smell of your skin.”
“Whoa. I feel violated.” A smirk pushed up his cheeks.
My face blushed as I realized how forward I was. I needed to control myself and not let things like his scent get to me, or how great the warmth of his arms around me felt. I needed to bring it back to what it actually was; two friends watching TV together. Nothing more. Not yet. I couldn’t deal with anything more yet. “Sorry.”
“No, no, Val, it’s fine. Please don’t be sorry. I like that you like it. Let’s go see what’s on TV.” He took my hand and led me to the couch, where Gabriel was sitting. He had been watching Tim since he arrived.
"Gabriel, this is my friend Tim. Tim, this is Gabriel. Don't mess with me, he's got my back. Isn't that right, buddy?" Gabriel's green eyes focused on Tim as he put his hand out to pet him. Surprisingly, Gabriel let Tim scratch him behind his left ear, and I do believe I heard him purr. "Oh, well, it looks like he likes you. Guess you can stay."
I picked Gabe up and sat down, placing him between us. I handed Tim the remote. “Go ahead and see what’s on.”
Tim turned on the TV and started scrolling through the channels. He landed on Investigation Discovery channel. “If Snapped isn’t on, something similar will be.”
“Do you want a drink or anything to eat?” As soon as I asked, I regretted it. I hadn’t gone shopping in a few weeks and didn't have anything to offer him, except tea and water.
"Nah, I'm good. Thanks, though." Relief found me with his answer. I needed to make a point to get to the grocery store. It would be good for me to eat healthy meals once in a while and learn how to entertain. A good hostess would have snacks and drinks already out.
Tim’s voice pulled me out of my head. “This is nice. You don’t know how long I have waited to see the inside of your place.” His arm reached over and he draped it over my shoulder. I leaned into it, causing Gabe to jump down. I pushed myself closer to him as we settled in to watch TV.
“It is nice. You don’t know how long it has been since I shared my time with anyone other than Gabriel.”
“Why is that, Val? I never understood why you despise people so much.”
“It’s not so much as I despise them, it’s more that I don’t trust them. I despise what they do.” The comfort of his body next to mine opened me up, more than I had planned on. He felt safe. Why had I pushed him away for so long? At thirty-four, I spent more than half of my life alone. I didn’t think I could continue living in isolation after knowing what this feels like.
Tim turned his head to look at me. “Why don’t you trust people? Who hurt you that caused you to feel that way?” He rubbed my shoulder where his hand rested as he waited for my answer.
“I don’t know. A lot of people. People I should have been able to trust. People I loved.”
"I won't hurt you, Val. I promise you that." There was something in the way he spoke that made me believe him. After so many years of not believing anyone, I believed him. Tears formed in the corner of my eyes as I scrunched up my nose to push the emotion back in. His thumb touched the moisture, and we held each other's gaze. "I mean it, Val. I won't hurt you, and I won't let anyone else hurt you again."
With the sleeve of my cardigan, I wiped away my tears. “Thanks, Tim. I hope that’s true.” There was so much more I wanted to say but couldn’t. There were some things I hadn’t told anyone, not even Gabriel. For almost two decades, I’ve held these secrets close. I wanted more than anything to find someone I trusted enough to tell. Maybe I could trust Tim with them, but it was too soon to tell.
Chapter Nine
The week flew by, and it was time for the trauma support group to meet again. I wasn’t as nervous this time, I might have even been looking forward to it. I still had plenty of snacks from last week, so I didn’t even need to inconvenience Jeanine for any money. The room we used last week was still set up how we had left it. Not a whole lot happens at Lawrenceville Regional Hospital, we couldn’t even deliver babies here. It was a pathetic excuse for a hospital, but I guess that was why I fit in so well.
Norma was the first to arrive. I was relieved to see her. Her calmness kept me grounded. “Hi dear, how was your week?”
“Busy, but I guess that keeps me out of trouble.”
"Oh, honey, I don't see you having that problem. You remind me of me when I was your age. I should've gotten into trouble; it might have spiced things up a little."
"I lead a pretty boring life. Work and home to my cat."
"Sounds like you need some trouble." She chuckled. "Honey, don't forget to have a little fun. Before you know it, you'll be an old lady like me, and no one will want to include you in any fun. Live now, while you can. That's the advice I wished someone had told me at your age."
“Thank you, Norma. That is wise advice. I’ll do my best to live a little.”
“That’s a good start, honey.”
Maggie waited at the door, looking in at us. “Can I come in? Or is this a private meeting?”
“Hi, Maggie, please come in and join us.” Sonya was right behind her and pushed Maggie in as she entered.
“Hi, Sonya, glad to see you again.”
As Sonya and Maggie found their seats, I looked up at the clock. There were still two minutes before the start of the group. Jane wasn't here yet, and I regretted not calling her last week to check in with her. Norma and Sonya were talking, while Maggie sat still, her eyes focused on her feet. As I sat and watched the ladies, I wondered if I had what they needed. I felt like a phony, not able to work through my own trauma and offering them support to work through theirs. But this group wasn’t about me, it was about them. They are the ones that need help, not me. I must remember that.