“Why did you stop?”
“You don’t want this,” I tell her as I grind myself against her. My boxers are wet with pre-come that has spilled out, but I can’t do this to her. I can’t go any further.
“How do you know what I want?” she asks as she leans in to kiss my neck.
Shivers roll through my body as her fingers graze the back of my neck. She feels so damn right. I can’t handle this though, my mind is working against me and I can’t stop it. I pull back, set her on her feet, and grab her hand.
“Let’s go before I explode,” I tell her as she giggles next to me.
When we get outside I reach for the extra helmet, but she doesn’t take it. Instead she steps into my space and her hands come up to my face. Her soft fingers trail over my scars and my breathing kicks up a notch. I’m scared shitless of what she might say. I’m afraid of her reaction, but even more than that I’m scared to death of how she’s making me feel.
I don’t feel different.
I don’t feel broken.
I’m not a monster with her.
“The strongest souls are those that are scared. I wouldn’t want to die without some kind of scars. They are the proof that shows others that we actually lived.”
I can’t breathe. The air has been sucked out of my lungs. I stand here in complete shock at what she just said. Her fingers are still lingering on my cheeks. I look into her eyes and all I can see is truth; her truth. How does she get me when no one else ever has? How does she see into my soul without me even showing it to her? My body is trembling and I can’t seem to stop it.
She watches me before she lets her fingers slide down the side of my neck. Just like with my face there are scars down the side of my neck. Her hand keeps moving until she’s at the hem of my shirt. She looks into my eyes as if she’s asking for permission and I’m not sure if I want to give it to her or not. She grabs the hem of my shirt and lifts it. With my cut on she can’t get it off my body, but she can see what she wanted to see. Her eyes move down to my stomach burning me with every glance.
“They’re…”
“Hideous? Disgustin’?”
She shakes her head and looks back up at me. Her lips are parted as she says, “Beautiful.” Tears fill her eyes. Tears for me? She leans in and presses her lips to my chest. I shudder beneath her. I drop the helmet and reach around to the back of her neck and pull her away from me.
“I can’t do this,” my voice barely above a whisper.
Releasing her, I move quickly, grab my helmet and slide it on before mounting my bike.
“Monster,” Kyza calls out to me, but I need to go. I have to get away from her.
Ten
Kyza
He did not just drive off on me. How dare he? He came here and asked me out and then just left? I know he’s scared, it’s a feeling I know all too well, but I was slowing letting my guard down for him.
I huff out a breath, pull out a cigarette, and light it up. I walk down the road with my head held high. He wants to play games? I’ll play, but I play to win. I don’t think he knows exactly who he’s fucking with. I get that he’s afraid of me seeing who he is because I feel the same about him seeing who I am. I don’t want Monster to know my past. I don’t want him involved in it, but I’m also tired of hiding in the dark.
Mystery Man has to stop. Everything has to stop. Reality is a hard bitch to swallow, but I’m choking down on it. So what if we both have a past? Everyone has a past, some darker than others. We both harbor our own demons, fighting against them has become second nature to both of us. Isn’t that what makes us who and what we are?
Before I realize how far I’ve walked I’m standing in front of the gates at the clubhouse. I haven’t been back here since that night and I’m not sure it was a very good idea to come here now.
The man at the gate watches me, but doesn’t say a word. He’s probably giving me the opportunity to run as far away as I can, but that’s not going to happen. I take a deep breath and walk up to him plastering a smile on my face.
“Can you call Monster out here for me?”
The guy eyes me up and down. I cross my arms over my chest and cock my hip out to the side as I stare at him.
“Who the hell are you?” he asks and I try to resist the urge to roll my eyes.
“Kyza. Can you tell him I’m here?” I ask trying to remain polite, but with the way he keeps looking at me I’m about to lose my shit. He’s about to find out about my darkness first hand.
“I could do that, but he might be busy,” he replies as he pulls his cigarette from his mouth and flicks it to the ground.
“Prospect what the hell are you doin’?” another man hollers as the gates slowly open. I watch the tall man as he stalks toward us with a beer in his hand.
“Yeah prospect. What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I ask the same question in a sarcastic tone. The other man looks me up and down before he smirks at me.
“What are you doin’ here?”
“Looking for Monster,” repeating myself.
“He know you were comin’?” I shake my head, no. “I’m Viking. Come on,” he says extending his hand to me and shaking his head.
I take his hand in mine and shake it before he nods for me to follow him.
“Is it bad that he doesn’t know that I’m here?” I ask as we walk closer to the doors.
I see a few girls eyeing me, but the guys seem to be busy doing other stuff. I don’t let my gaze linger on anyone in particular, but I do wonder what’s in those crates.
“It might be. He’s in a mood today for some reason.”
“Shit. I think that might be my fault too,” I mumble. Viking stops walking and looks over at me, tilting his head to the side as if he’s studying me.
“Why is that?”
“He came to find me today and asked me to go out with him.”
“And?”
“And I kinda touched his scars. I think I might have maybe pushed him too far,” I answer feeling bad now that I’ve done it.
“No. I think that’s exactly what he needs. Challenge that son of a bitch. He holds himself hostage when he gets like this. He needs a woman to push his buttons,” Viking says sounding sure of himself.
“Yeah, because you’re not on the receiving end of it.”
“Doesn’t matter. He’d never hurt you. You know that right?”
Viking looks too serious and I want to nod my head in agreement, but I can’t. I don’t actually know that. I see the man that he is in his eyes and I want to believe the he wouldn’t hurt me, but so many have in the past.
“What the fuck are you doin’ here?”
That voice. God I could get used to hearing that voice all the time.
“Oh, you know? Just wandering. I was out, or I was going out until I got stood up. I don’t have anything better to do, so here I am.”
Monster looks from me to his friends who are chuckling next to me.
“You just let some random bitch in?” he asks while looking at Viking.
My mouth falls open and I’m about to say more when Viking moves. His hands slam into Monster which causes him to stumble back a few steps.