“Watch your fuckin’ mouth brother. I’m so fuckin’ tired of you actin’ like this. This isn’t you. Get your damn head together,” Viking snaps before stepping around him and going inside. Monster just stands there and runs his hand through his hair.
“I’ll go. I’m sorry.”
“No. Stay. I’m… fuck, I’m sorry.”
“No I get it. I tapped into a dark spot when I shouldn’t have,” I say looking over my shoulder at him. Monster shakes his head and moves toward me slowly.
“I don’t know exactly what you see in me Kyza. Women don’t look at me the way you do. Club whores do, but real women like you? They don’t.”
I swallow hard and turn to face him. So much pain and hurt is held in Monster’s eyes that it hurts me to look into them.
“Real women like me? I’m nothing special Monster. Like I said before, we all have a past.”
I take a step back and he counters my step. He moves forward and his eyes are dancing in the sunlight.
“You wanna push me? The only time I’m free is in the dark darlin’.” My heart beats faster the closer he gets.
“You can be you anytime you want,” my voice cracking slightly. Monster stops in front of me. He leans down so that his lips are near my ear.
“I’m always in the dark,” he whispers and shivers race over my body. My heart beats even faster. My knees are weak. It’s him. How in the hell did I not know it was him?
“It was you.”
Monster pulls back and stares down at me.
“Are you scared?”
I shake my head no, I’m not scared, I’m confused. I don’t understand why he would do that.
“Why?” I ask as a tear runs down my cheek and my chest rises and falls rapidly. He lied to me. Didn’t he?
“Look at me. What can I offer you like this?” he asks pointing to himself.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m nothin’ in the light. Nothin’. I walk around bein’ the Monster that they think I am. I do what I do to survive Kyza. This is me.”
“I know that. I know this is you, and I’ll take it.” I catch myself by surprise with my words. Monster doesn’t say anything as he looks at me, his gaze is burning into the depths of my soul.
“You what?”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life Monster. Never. There was always a hole deep inside me and that’s where the dark is. I’ve done things that I regret doing. I’ve hurt people. I’ve run. I’ve hid. Now I’m tired. I’m tired of being in the dark all of the time. Do you have any idea how exhausting all of this is?” I cry as tears spill down my face.
He’s breaking me. I’m letting him fucking break me. I can’t stop now.
“Kyza,” he begins when I cut him off.
“That picture? The one that you saw? I killed him Monster. Do you hear me? I killed him.”
My emotions take over as do my instincts. I turn and run to the gate. I’m banging on it to get out, but it just won’t budge.
“Open this shit up,” I cry loudly.
I see the guy they called prospect moving to open them, but then Monster’s voice booms from behind me, “You open those gates and you’re a dead man prospect.” I spin around and slam my fists into his check. I’m pounding until I can’t breathe any more.
“What are you doing? Why are you doing this to me? I want out Monster.”
He lets me hit him and scream until there isn’t any fight left in me. Slowly my body gives out and Monster lifts me in his arms, cradling me to his chest.
“I’ve killed too. I know what it feels like to want to run from that shit, but you can’t,” he whispers to me softly.
“Does the pain ever go away? God I can’t even bear it some days,” I sob even harder.
“No. It never goes away, but you can come to terms with it.”
“It’s all my fault Monster. If I would have just listened. I never listen,” my voice nothing more than a broken moan.
“It’s okay,” he whispers as he carries me inside.
My body trembles in his arms, but I can’t stop it. I’m fucked up. They were right. My eyes grow heavy as the tears just keep on coming.
“I’m weak,” I whisper before the exhaustion takes me.
Eleven
Monster
My feet are kicked up on the edge of the bed as I drink myself into a stupor. She came here looking for me. She knows it was me coming to her in the dark of the night. It was the only place I felt whole, but then she dropped that bomb on me. Why would she want someone like me? Maybe she thinks I’m the best she can get? She’s wrong, so fucking wrong. That little piece of heaven lying asleep in my bed could find so much more in someone else. She needs someone that isn’t so messed up in the head.
I tip the bottle up to my lips and take another long pull of beer when she stirs. I’ve let her sleep. I couldn’t fall asleep after what she said to me. She killed that man in the picture and now I want to know why. I want to know what happened to her that made her kill him. I want to know if that dark part of her still lingers inside.
“What time is it?” she groans as she rolls over and looks at me. Her makeup is smudged and smeared all over her face. Even looking a mess, I think she’s fucking heaven.
“About six in the mornin’,” I tell her as I take another pull. She yawns and sits up to look at me.
“You always drink this early?”
“Only when I don’t sleep.”
She narrows her eyes and her brows pinch together.
“Why didn’t you sleep?”
For a girl that has wanted to keep her distance from me she sure is chatty today. I don’t mind it. In fact, I love hearing her voice. It also makes me wonder though. What is she hiding from or who for that matter?
“You said you killed him. Why?”
She shakes her head. Her eyes never leave mine.
“You don’t get that part. Thank you for letting me sleep off that mess, but I’m not giving you that,” she says and climbs off of my bed.
She’s in nothing but her underwear seeing as I stripped her out of her clothes when she passed out. She looks around the room trying to find her clothes, but she won’t. She won’t find shit until I get the answers to my questions.
“You won’t find them. Now answer me,” I growl.
She turns to me. Her big, blue eyes are taking me in. With my shirt off she can see everything. She can see every single mark that litters my skin. The burn was bad. I can still remember the fire and the way it felt as it licked up the side of my body. It hurt like hell.
“I can still smell the scent of burnin’ flesh,” I tell her as her eyes move over every inch of me.
“How far down does it go?” she asks looking at my stomach.
I shake my head and smirk at her.
“You don’t get that part,” I say throwing her words back at her. It might be a childish move, but I don’t care. She better think twice about pushing my buttons today.
“Well, since sharing time is over give me my clothes,” she snaps as she crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me.