“Say it again,” he growls as he lifts my legs so that he can get even deeper inside of me. His body is solid and I want to grab on and never let go. That isn’t my realty though.
My body bounces with each thrust and so do the memories. Each one shifts and plays out over and over in my head.
So much blood.
All the tears.
So many lies.
It hurts so fucking badly.
“I hate you. I hate what you do to me. I hate that you weren’t there when I needed you. I hate that you pushed me until I couldn’t breathe.”
Each word is meant for the past, but I spit them at Monster as he fucks me into silence. There are no more words to be said, yet there are so many. It’s so frightening.
“Get it out. Get it all out,” he growls before he leans down to bite into the flesh of my neck.
My body isn’t on the same level as my head. My body is someplace else and Monster is there. He’s taking care of all of my needs. The room is spinning as adrenaline and things I’m not familiar with cycle through my body.
“You bastard! How could you let them do that to me? How could you know and not stop it?” I scream as tears spill down my cheeks.
Where am I? Why does this feel so fucking good yet still hurt like hell? Monster is stirring up too many emotions. I haven’t had to deal with these emotions in so long. Why now? Why?
“Tell me. Tell me who let them hurt you Kyza,” Monster says and his voice is calming, almost soothing. His thrusts slow becoming gentler, easier. “Tell me baby.” His lips are near my ear. He’s licking and sucking until I’m dizzy with need. My insides clench and burn and god do I want to let it all go, but I know that I can’t. Why is he pushing me? What does he want from me?
“No,” I cry even harder and wrap my arms around his back.
My nails dig into his flesh and Monster lets out a hiss. I can’t stop. I don’t want him to stop either. I just need him to stay inside of me.
To keep me safe.
Protected.
“Who was it?” he asks again.
His cock is caressing all of the right places inside of me. My vision blurs and more tears fall, but his lips never stop moving over my skin. Bumps form as a shiver races through me.
“Please Monster, don’t,” I sob harder.
He slows his movements, but doesn’t stop. I dig my nails in deeper and listen to the growl as it vibrates through me. He pumps into me a little harder and I feel like I’m flying. I’m soaring just like I did back then.
I was free.
I am free.
No, I’m not. I never will be as long as he’s out there. He let this happen to me.
“Who let this happen to you darlin’?” he whispers once more before he bites my earlobe between his teeth.
I relish the pain and pull him closer. My body trembles. Right before I come, I cry out and lose it.
“My father.”
Monster pulls back and returns to thrusting inside of me. His hips slam into my thighs and I know that I’ll have bruises. There’s no doubt about that. The weight in my chest feels lighter and I feel like I can breathe, but what did I just do?
I’ve just told him one of my secrets I swore I’d never tell anyone. My head is swimming with information. I’m afraid that I’ll lose the only lifeline I have left. I’m going to lose Monster. His cock swells as he comes inside of me. He takes me along with him on the ride. My body trembles and locks up tight around him.
“Fuck!” I scream as spots blast from behind my eyes.
Sweat drops off Monster and onto me. It’s sliding down my skin. My body shudders as I come down from my orgasm, but Monster still lingers over me. He’s still in me. I don’t want him to move. I want him to stay right where he is. This moment, this safety, is all I’ve ever wanted to feel and now I don’t want it to end. I know that it will, and that’s another reason I need to keep my distance from him.
Monster pulls out of me and drops onto the bed next to me trying to catch his breath. He wipes his hand over his face to clear the sweat off before he looks over at me. I don’t want to look at him. I want to hide what I’ve done. I want to hide who I am. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I don’t want to, or at least I shouldn’t, but that’s the only time I feel at ease.
“Come here,” he murmurs gently.
I shake my head, but when I look over at the blood I drew from him I see it painted all over his stomach. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. I did that to him? I hurt him. For what? For my own sick need?
“It’s not that bad,” he adds.
I shake my head as tears begin to fall. After all of these years of keeping it all bottled up, he shattered the glass, and broke me into a million pieces. He broke me.
“I need to go,” I say while wiping my eyes.
Monster just chuckles and gets out of the bed. He walks around to my side, grabs my hand, and pulls me along with him. He takes us into the bathroom where he starts the shower before dragging me into it with him. He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra, then slides it down my shoulders. I hadn’t even noticed that I still had it on.
“I’m fine Kyza,” he insists once more when my eyes move to the wound I inflicted on him as my chest tightens.
“I stabbed you,” I whisper.
“Yeah. It was kinda sexy as fuck too.”
My eyes jerk to his and I see that sexy smile curve his lips.
“Why do you care?”
He shrugs and grabs the soap putting it on the sponge in his hand.
“I don’t really. I knew I saw somethin’ in you. I just wanted to see it. I had to witness it.”
He moves the sponge to my body and begins washing me slowly.
“Was it everything you expected it to be?”
Monster laughs. It’s a real laugh. He continues to clean me as he’s laughing. When he’s finished he cleans himself, paying close attention to the wound on his stomach. I cringe internally and curse myself for doing that to him, but he pushed me until I couldn’t take any more.
“You shouldn’t hide it,” his voice is soft as he reaches around me to turn the water off.
He steps out and passes me a towel. I climb out behind him and watch as he grabs a first aid kit and puts it on the counter. I move around him and pull it open to take out what we need.
“It probably needs stitches,” I mumble under my breath as he leans against the counter with his towel hanging loosely around his waist.
“It’ll be fine. I just don’t want it bleedin’ all over my shirt.”
I go about cleaning him up and put a patch over the wound when he grabs my wrist. I look up at him and I can see the heat in his gaze.
“Why do you hide who you are?”
“I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be someone that can’t control their own anger. I kill. I don’t want to be that girl,” I reply honestly.
Monster pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
“You can’t change who you are.”
“I have to. I’m not that person.”
I shake my head and walk back into his room, Monster follows behind me.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why can’t you see who you really are Kyza? You aren’t this little girl that needs to hide out in Paul’s clinic. There is so much more to you. Why don’t you put it to use?”