I don’t want to. I don’t want to be her anymore. She was bad. She killed. She hated to the point that she was nearly responsible for the deaths of more people. She was a monster herself and I don’t think I can go back to being her, yet weirdly at the same time, I miss her. I miss her confidence. I miss her smile. I miss the way she didn’t take shit from anyone. Most of all I miss the way I was able to look in the mirror and be able to see who I really was.
When I look at myself now, I don’t know who I am. I don’t know this girl that I’m trying so desperately to be. I’ve always been good at taking care of people in one way or another, but living a life hiding in the shadows was never my intention.
I was never afraid or naïve. I was bold. I was beautiful. I was fucking deadly.
Now I’m a shell of what I once was, the result of who I’ve made myself become. Being around Monster I can feel her clawing at my insides and begging me to step aside and let her back out. I think I want to. God, how I’ve missed her.
She was the rock in my life and now she’s buried so deep inside of me, all so the world doesn’t look at me the way they did. The way he did. I’m torn in half, and I’m not sure which part of me is going to win.
Fifteen
Monster
She didn’t complain that she was tired, but I could feel her body jolting too many times for my liking. I took us through to Savannah and found a hotel before pulling over. I pull her arms up and she pulls them from around me as I climb off and lift her off with me. Gently I take the helmet off her head and I can see how truly tired she is.
“You should have told me you were tired,” I tell her.
She shrugs like it doesn’t matter.
“Come on,” I say as I usher her toward the door.
“You don’t think they’ll say anything about a giant ass like you with a handcuffed girl?”
She laughs no doubt thinking I’m going to let her go. Not a fucking chance in hell. She looks sexy as hell cuffed like she is. I can do whatever the fuck I want and there is nothing she can do to stop me.
“Not in this place,” I answer her with a wink.
She rolls her eyes and follows me inside. The girl at the counter looks up. From me, to her, then to the handcuffs, and back at me once more.
“You had to cuff her?” she asks with a southern drawl.
“She wasn’t cooperatin’ with me. You know the drill,” I tell her with a smile.
“You never learn do you Monster?”
Nikki smiles at me before she moves around the counter to give me a hug.
“Oh that’s just great. She knows about you and your handcuffs. I take it I’m not the first one you’ve forced to go on a journey with you?” Kyza remarks sarcastically next to me. Nikki pulls back and smiles over at her. She moves to shake her hand but stops because of the cuffs.
“Okay. I’m Nikki. Nice to meet you.”
“This is Kyza,” I tell her nodding toward her.
Nikki smiles as she moves back around the desk and starts typing away at her keyboard.
“Kyza, the kidnapped girl from Florida. The one cuffed and taken against her will.”
I think it’s cute. No, I think it’s downright adorable the way she thinks that matters to anyone here.
“You say kidnapped, I say encouraged to take a trip.”
“Excuse me? Encouraged would have been something like, ‘Hey Kyza, you really should take some time for yourself.’ Not pinning me to the bed and cuffing me,” she snaps and I chuckle.
“I didn’t hear you complainin’ when you thought you were gettin’ my dick again,” I remind her. Her eyes narrow to slits and it makes my cock respond and go rock hard.
“Don’t forget I stabbed you asshole.”
“Okay, so I’ll put you guys in room ten. It’s around the back as usual,” Nikki chimes in causing our argument to stop for the moment.
I liked it. I’m almost pissed that she interrupted us because I saw that flicker in Kyza’s eyes again. I know she keeps it locked up tight.
“Thanks Nikki. Tell your dad I said hi,” I tell her as I grab the key from her, grab the cuffs, and pull Kyza back outside.
We helped Nikki’s dad out in the past. Well, I guess I should say Viking did back when he wanted to buy this place. Viking knows him from some shit that went down years ago, but I don’t even know that story. All I know is that I’ve been here more than once to help get it cleaned up.
“Bring your captives here often?” Kyza sneers acting like a brat. I like it. I like seeing her like this.
“It’s been a while. Go around back while I move the bike,” I tell her.
She rolls her eyes at me and walks toward the back of the building. A few people linger as I push the bike with my feet. I don’t need any surprises from her. She does it though. She still manages to surprise me.
“Hey. I’m Kyza. I’m a kidnapped queen. Feel free to report this. Please?” she announces with a smile holding her arms up so that they can see her cuffs.
I laugh. It’s a real fucking laugh too. It’s been too fucking long since that’s happened and it’s almost scary that I’m doing so now. The guys smoke their cigarettes. They’re not paying much attention to her as Kyza keeps walking.
“You can laugh? I had no idea that was possible,” she smirks.
I roll the bike to a stop and climb off.
“I wasn’t aware you had jokes either.”
I leave the helmets on the seat and lead her toward the room. Once I have the door open I usher her inside. Kyza walks over and drops onto the bed on her back and sighs. I shrug my cut off, toss it to the chair with my keys and wallet, and sit down in the chair next to the bed.
“You hungry? I can order somethin’.”
She nods her head as her eyes drift closed. She doesn’t bitch or say a word about still being cuffed. She just closes her eyes and drifts off to sleep. I call and order a pizza before I head to the bathroom for a shower.
I think while I’m bathing. I think about why I brought her along for this. What am I doing with her? I’m not sure I understand any of this yet, but I don’t plan on letting her go anytime soon either. I want her to see herself. I want her to be who she was meant to be. I don’t know why I want all of that, but I can feel that she needs it. I want to be the one to show her. She’s isn’t any different than me. I know that and I think it’s why something in her calls to me.
I climb out of the shower when I hear a knock on the door. I tie the towel around my waist and move quickly through the room to grab my wallet. I look over my shoulder to find her still sleeping.
“Hi you ordered pi-,” the words die in the girl’s throat as she looks at me.
Same shit. Her eyes wander over my body, but linger on my scars. I don’t think about it, but the way her face scrunches up pisses me off.
“Here,” I say harshly and shove the money at her.
“What happen-,” but before she can get another word out Kyza is on her.
Even handcuffed she is taking the girl on. She has a handful of the girl’s hair and is tugging her head back as I watch in complete awe.
“What the fuck is with you? First you’re eyeing him and then you have the balls to ask a stupid question?”