He’s probably right, but the thought of not seeing her again pisses me off too. I’m in a fucking lose/lose situation and I can’t figure out how to fix it. I feel like I’m slowly losing who I am and there is not a damn thing I can do to stop it. I don’t let the guys know because honestly, Viking took me in with open arms when I transferred here. I thought a change of pace and a change in sceneries would help. In this moment I feel like I’m slowly slipping away though.
I grab the shot that’s set in front of me and down it quickly. More shots follow until the room is spinning out of control around me. Then and only then does Kenzie come up to me and wrap her hands around my waist. Kenzie is one of our club girls.
“You look sad. Want me to fix that for you?” Kenzie asks.
I want to tell her to fuck off because no one can fix it, but I don’t. Instead I nod my head and let her lead me back down the hallway and into my room. Kyza’s scent still lingers in the air. I can smell her, it’s like flowers and strawberries. My head is a goddamn mess of emotions that I can’t seem to get straight. Kenzie slides to her knees and unbuckles my jeans, pulling them down my legs along with my boxers. Her soft hand wraps around cock and starts stroking. I close my eyes and just let the sensations run wild through me. I tip my head back as her soft lips wrap around me and suck me between those swollen lips. I groan as I conjure up a vision of Kyza’s face in my mind. I picture her lips wrapped around me instead of Kenzie. I grab the back of Kenzie’s head and start fucking her face roughly. I hear her gag when I finally look down. She has spit and tears streaming down her face. I don’t care. I can’t find it in me to stop, so instead I thrust even harder and smirk at the way she gags on me. If I can control one thing in my life this is it. I can fuck a woman any way I want. I can have that level of control in the bedroom if not anywhere else, so I take it.
“Fuckin’ suck Kenzie,” I roar as my balls tighten.
I can’t look at her. I can’t stand to see the pain in her eyes. This is what she’s here for. I close my eyes and think of Kyza with her perfect blue eyes. I’m imagining them peering up at me through her thick lashes as I fall apart and come down the back of her throat. With each swallow I release a little more. Kenzie sucks me clean before I release her head.
“Get the fuck on that bed and spread your legs,” I growl.
She moves quickly to do as she was told. When I turn to look at her I’m lost. What the hell is wrong with me that not even pussy looks good?
Six
Kyza
“Are you sure you don’t want to come out with me?” Paul asks me again.
I smile at him and shake my head, “No. Thank you though. I told Dan I’d stock the shelves for him tonight, his latest victim quit on him.”
“Wonder why that is?”
I shrug because I honestly don’t know. Dan is the local grocer and sure he can be creepy as hell, but he doesn’t bother me and he pays in cash. That’s enough of an incentive for me to stay.
“I don’t know. He doesn’t say a whole lot of anything to me when I come in,” I add.
“Well, be careful walking these streets alone,” Paul reminds me.
He reminds me of this every time I leave the clinic. It almost makes me smile and it would if it didn’t remind me of my past. My father never told me those things. In fact, he’s the one that would send me out into that hell we call earth. I’ve learned over the last few years that not everyone is like him. They aren’t all out to use you for their own purposes.
As I walk toward the store I get the feeling that I’m being watched. It isn’t the first time I’ve felt it and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I shake it off and tell myself that it’s just my nerves. When I think about it too much I become paranoid. I know what I did will eventually catch up with me, but for now I’m safe.
I walk in and find Dan leaning over the counter. His head comes up when he hears me and his eyes meet mine.
“You’re early.”
“Yeah. The clinic closed a little early tonight. I think Paul was tired.”
I don’t talk to Dan very often. It isn’t that I don’t want to talk to the man, he just doesn’t talk much and I’m okay with that. Less talking means more working.
Dan nods his head and I smile in return as I start walking to the back room. I grab the boxes, stack them up, and then start unloading them. There are days I can’t seem to keep my mind on the present, and that’s why I love having this job. I’m forced to have to focus on what I’m doing and that makes any images I might have, go further into the recesses of my mind. I don’t need that kind of life, I don’t deserve it, or maybe I do. It’s hard to tell where one line ends and another one begins these days.
I continue to work in silence long after Dan has left for the night. He trusts me to close up the store, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t know anyone except for Paul and Dan that trust me that much. They probably shouldn’t. If they knew me, the real me, the person I used to be, they wouldn’t trust me with their cats, but they don’t know, and that’s the way I’m going to keep it. No one needs to know the me I used to be.
I finish and lock up as I had out the back door when I feel someone’s presence behind me. Just as I’m about to turn around a hand wraps around my waist while another wraps around my mouth. I’m jerked back into a hard body as my heart hammers in my chest.
They found me. They know I’m here and now I’m going to die. Those are the thoughts on a loop in my head when warm a breath whooshes over my skin.
“You shouldn’t be out here alone,” a deep voice whispers.
For some stupid reason my body heats just from hearing his voice. He could be a killer or one of my father’s men, but right now he’s just a man holding me closely to him. What is wrong with this fucked up head of mine?
“Who are you?” I ask when the hand slowly moves away from my mouth. I should scream, but feeling his warmth so closely I don’t. It’s almost familiar in a way.
“What does it matter?” he whispers.
Why is he whispering? He presses into me and I can feel his hard on. My insides tremble as thoughts of being raped shift through my mind.
“Please just let me go,” I beg, my voice shaky.
“Not a chance. Now walk,” he demands softly.
I start walking, but he doesn’t take his hand away from me. In just a few short blocks we’re back at the clinic. My stomach trembles. How does he know that I stay here? Who is he?
Too many thoughts are jumbled in my brain when he reaches into my pocket and pulls my key free. He reaches around me, unlocks the door, and ushers me inside. My body reacts. My fight or flight instincts have just kicked in. I start to run, but I’m stopped quickly. His hands wrap around my waist and he yanks me back into him again. A sob leaves my throat as he lifts me and easily carries me into one of the rooms. His fingers slowly glide down my sides and my heart nearly explodes from my chest. He reaches around and his warm fingers slip over my skin. I gasp at the contact when I feel his lips caress my earlobe. It’s been so long since I’ve had a man touch me like this.