Ethan, being Ethan, ignores my warming. “If I have to be, yeah. You’ve been in this mood since we found out Mattie took off. She did that on her own. It’s not your fault.”
Like I don’t know that? It’s not the point anyway.
“Ethan, go back upstairs. I’m not in the mood for this.”
“Tough. You and I are going to have this out.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You owe a dollar to the swear jar.”
Pain lances through me. Why did she run off without telling me? Why? She knows I would have gone with her. I would have done everything in my power to protect her.
“Damn, I didn’t think…” Ethan trails off and raises a hand, almost like he wants to touch me, but lets it fall. “I’m sorry. It’s just habit to say that.”
I know. We all say it now. Cass or Robert are usually the only ones owing money to the swear jar these days. Mattie hates cussing. She doesn’t do it and prefers no one around her do it either. Jesus help you if you take the Lord’s name in vain around that girl. She usually doesn’t say much about other people cussing that aren’t us, but if she hears “GD,” she lets whoever said it know exactly how she feels about that particular swear word. She’s fearless around strangers.
I miss her.
What’s she going through? What is that bastard doing to her? I want to get my hands on him so I can choke him to death slowly. I want…
Ethan snaps his fingers in front of my face. “Eric, you’re starting to worry me.”
“I’m not your problem.”
“You’re my best friend, so yeah, that makes you my problem.”
I turn away from him, staring at the bookshelves on the wall opposite us. This is Zeke’s personal getaway. I found it a few months ago, and he said I could use it whenever I wanted to get away too. He and I talked about the feelings I’m dealing with. He didn’t judge; he just listened and told me I could talk to him about it whenever I needed to.
I was embarrassed later. Zeke can make a person tell him the truth. It’s one of his gifts. You can’t lie to him. He saw I was struggling and forced me to talk. Not that I hold it against him. I needed to talk. It helped.
“I’m not a woman who sits and talks about feelings. I said I want to be alone, and I’d think being my best friend, you’d respect that.”
He’s quiet for a full minute. I resist the urge to turn and look. Ethan’s important to me, and as much as I hate pushing him away, I need to be alone. Him being here only makes how I’m feeling worse.
“It’s because I’m your best friend I’m not respecting that BS you’re spewing. I know you’re hurting for something you’re not responsible for. Em…Mattie wouldn’t want you sitting down here going through this alone.”
My fist clenches. I want to hurt something so bad right now.
“Tell me what you need. Alcohol? I’ll get it. Want to pound something? Hit me. I may not be the football player you are, but I got some weight on me. I can take it. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”
“You want me to hit you?” I ask, incredulous. He’s not wrong about our size difference. I have a football player’s physique, which means I’m taller than he is, and I have a good fifty pounds on him too. I move people twice his size out of my way on the field. Ethan wouldn’t stand a chance against me. I’d knock him flat out with one punch.
“If that’s what you need, yeah. I may end up with bruises and a black eye, but I’m game if it’ll get you out of this mood.”
He’s crazy.
“I’m not hitting you, man.” Letting out a sigh, I turn back around, hoping he’s not serious, but I can tell from his expression he is.
“I can take it.”
“Yeah, I know, but I’m still not hitting you.”
“Then do you want beer or liquor? We can get wasted and forget for a little while.”
If I get wasted, I might say things we’ll both regret later. It’s why I don’t drink so much anymore. Even living in a frat house, I’m usually the designated sober person who answers the door and makes sure people get home safe and that stupid shit doesn’t go on at the house like drunk girls ending up in rooms they wouldn’t be in if they were sober.
“No, I don’t want anything.”
“Except for Mattie.”
Why does his voice sound strange?
“You don’t understand.”
“No, I don’t.” It’s his turn to cross his arms. “What’s up with you and her anyway? Are you in love with her or something? Because if you are, don’t let Dan see it. He’ll rip you in half.”
“I do love her.”
His eyes narrow to slits. “He’s going to tear you limb from limb.”
Closing my eyes, I let my head fall back onto the couch cushion. “I’m not in love with her, but I think once upon a time I was.”
“She said the two of you kissed once.” His voice has gone all gravelly. I love the sound of it when it does that, so I keep my eyes closed. He’ll see what I don’t want him to.
“She and Jake dated in high school.” I clear my throat. “I don’t remember any of that, though.”
“The car accident,” Ethan murmurs.
“Car accident?” I sit up and open my eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“Your dad told me you’d been in an accident, and you had amnesia as a result. I assumed it was a car accident.”
I bark out a laugh. If I were them, I’d think of it as an accident too, but it wasn’t.
“I wasn’t in a car accident.”
“Then what happened?”
“Jake’s brother shot him.”
“Say what?” His mouth drops open. “Your brother shot you?”
He doesn’t know I’m not Jake, that I’ve never been Jake.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Sure, okay.” He nods and settles back, throwing an arm over the back of the couch. His fingers graze the nape of my neck, and a full body shiver goes through me. I jerk away like he’s slapped me, and he looks hurt.
“Look, Ethan…”
“No.” He holds up his hand to cut off whatever I was about to say. “We’re hashing this out. Mary needs you to get out of this funk. The only person who’s there for her right now is Nathaniel, and I trust him about as far as I can throw him. She won’t talk to me, or I’d be there for her.”
“You like her?” I ask, not able to hold back the surliness of the question. Of course he likes her. Mary’s gorgeous with all that blonde hair and blue eyes she’s got going on.
“Well, yeah. She’s cool.”
My shoulders slump. I didn’t want him to answer me. Not really. I’m not sure how I’ll deal if the two of them hook up. I might even transfer to UNC Chapel Hill. Or go back home to Charlotte. Dealing with Jake’s parents would be easier than dealing with Ethan and Mary getting together.
“Seriously, can you just go away? I’m not in the mood for company right now.”
“Why are you so pissed off all of a sudden?”