“I was roaming the halls of the woman’s home, checking on the children she had there, when Mattie showed up. I knew who she was the moment I saw her. She’d grown up, but she still looked the same. I was terrified for her.”
“So, the woman was a foster parent, then?” Ethan settles back against the couch, scooting a little closer to me. I press myself away from him. He looks hurt, but I need my distance to finish this.
“Yes. Her name was Mrs. Olsen. I don’t know her first name. I’m sure Mattie does, but I never went out of my way to learn much about her. I had more than enough memories of my own. She started taking foster kids in after she murdered me. Maybe it was guilt, maybe it was something else. All I know is she never harmed the children in her care. All her victims came from elsewhere.”
“It probably was guilt, then.” Ethan threw his legs up on the coffee table. “She hurt kids, and so by taking care of those less fortunate, it probably cleared her of her trespass. At least in her own mind.”
“Trespass?”
“My grandfather was a pastor. It’s a word he used all the time for sin. I know how you feel about the whole God thing, so I used that word instead.”
“Does it bother you that I don’t believe in God?”
He shook his head. “One thing Grampa always said is the same thing Mattie says. Just because you don’t believe in God doesn’t mean He doesn’t believe in you. So it’s fine with me that you’re skeptical. When we go into dangerous situations, I pray for you as well as the rest of us, and I know you’ll be protected.”
I can’t help smiling. “It’s weird hearing you talk about this stuff.” It’s also really nice to know he cares enough to keep me in his prayers. Whether I believe in those prayers or not is moot. He does, and he includes me.
He shrugs. “I dunno. I guess I just don’t want to shove it down people’s throats, ya know? It’s enough for me to know I believe. I don’t have to talk about it all the time.”
I pat his leg. “You can talk about it around me. I don’t mind.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Back to the story. You sidetracked me.”
“Sorry.” He shoots me an impish grin.
If he only knew what that grin does to me.
“Mattie was fine for a long time, but it was the night of the party that things got bad. One of her foster sisters, Sally, went missing, and Mattie saw her ghost that night. She was like a dog with a bone. She knew the girl hadn’t run away and set about trying to prove it. I did everything I could to scare her away, even showing myself to her. Those of us who can see the ghosts that roam this plane see them as they were when they died. I was scary, my face mutilated. She still didn’t back off. I tried screaming at her, but it hurt her, which was not my intent. It’s how she ended up in the hospital and met Dan.”
“She told me about meeting him. Said she just verbal vomited everything she didn’t want him to know. Blamed it on his, and I quote, ‘warm puppy-dog eyes.’”
“She’s always been a sucker for that.” I smile ruefully. That girl has a thing for eyes. “When he agreed to help her, I was so happy. If she disappeared or turned up dead, he’d know it was more than just another foster kid going missing. Mrs. Olsen also knew he was hanging around, and that gave me more relief than anything else. Surely she wouldn’t do anything to her while an actual cop was being buddy-buddy with Mattie.”
“But I take it she did?”
“Mattie saw Sally again and followed her to where Mary was being held. Mrs. Olsen was there and knocked her out, taking her down to the basement. I will never be able to describe the feelings I had watching Mattie get tortured and not being able to do anything to help her. I have as many nightmares about that as I do about my own experiences.”
“You really love her, don’t you?”
“I do.”
We’re both silent for a few minutes as we sip on our beers. Ethan doesn’t push. He knows I’ll start talking when I’m ready. Another trait I share with Mattie.
“Mattie has the best survival skills of anyone I know. She was able to escape, and she ended up pushing Mrs. Olsen over the upstairs railing, which incapacitated her, but Mattie was really hurt. She was dying. She’d sent me to find Dan, and I did everything I could to show him where she was. He has good instincts and came looking. He found her and gave her CPR. He kept her heart beating until the paramedics got there. He’s never told her that. But she came back, and in the end, they saved both her and Mary. I stayed on this plane to keep an eye on her. Girl might be able to survive a lot, but she also got into more trouble than anyone I’d ever met.”
“You stayed? Does that mean you could have passed over to the other side?”
I nod. “Yes. Mattie opened the doorway for us before she passed out. I was afraid to leave her, so I stayed.”
“That’s…I’m not sure what to say, Eric.”
“Do you want to know the rest of it?”
“Yes.”
“It’s not all hearts and flowers, as Mary would say.”
“Nothing ever is, but I need to know.”
He does, but that doesn’t mean the rest of it will be easy. I just hope he understands.
I pull my legs up against my chest as I prepare myself to confess everything to Ethan. It’s not something I’d ever planned on doing, but losing Mattie has shown me that I need to man up. Life is short, and living in fear and uncertainty isn’t how I want to live anymore. If Ethan leaves, then he leaves. But at least I will have told him the truth.
“When a ghost is on this plane for a long time, we start to go mad. Our feelings turn against us. We become enraged at not being alive, at not being able to be seen by all the people passing by. We hate that the living can do all the things we can’t. That anger turns us into vengeful spirits, taking our pain and anger out on the living.”
“And you started to turn into one of those?” Ethan asks, turning so he’s facing me.
“Yeah. I was free of Mrs. Olsen. I’m not sure how that happened, but I was able to go where I wanted. Without a purpose, I had nothing to center me. I mean, looking out for Mattie was sort of a purpose, but I found myself wandering more and more. I could feel myself changing, and I wasn’t sure how to stop it.”
“That sounds scary.”
“You have no idea. I’d seen vengeful spirits, and I didn’t want to be one of those. I remember I got this feeling right in the center of my chest. It burned, and I knew something was wrong with Mattie. I’m not sure how I knew. I just did. She was easy to find. Her light glows like a lighthouse for a ghost. She was in a house with a ghost who was feeding off her energy, and she couldn’t stop him. She needed energy, a boost so strong she could break the bonds he’d trapped her in. I knew I was going vengeful, and I didn’t want that, so I told her to take me, to reap me.”
“What?” Ethan’s eyes were wide and horrified. “You wanted her to kill you?”
“I was already dead, Ethan. There was nothing left for me except madness. I could help her, and that’s exactly why I chose to stay here.”