I could take it away, but the backlash wouldn’t be worth it.
The abuse wouldn’t be worth it.
None of it would be.
“I’ll be there with a joint when you get off,” Isla tells me, her eyes flashing. “See you, Bohdi.”
I nod and walk inside.
Another night.
Another dollar.
Another fucking broken life.
ISLA’S HEAD BOBS UP and down on my cock, her mouth moving way too frantically, her tongue sloppy and her mouth too loose. I shouldn’t be picky, really I shouldn’t, but I’m simply not in the mood. It’s a struggle to even keep my cock hard, let alone enjoy it. I have too much on my mind, and the girl before me is trying way too hard.
I nudge her head with my hand, and she looks up at me with swollen lips. “What is it? You don’t like it.”
We got stoned, drunk and came down to the beach after my shift. One thing led to another and she had my cock out of my jeans and her mouth on it before I could do a great deal to protest. Not that I would have anyway. I’m a man, and she’s asking to suck my dick. I’m not going to say no.
“Too much alcohol,” I lie.
She sits up, pushing her lip out. “I suck, don’t I?”
“It’s not that, I just told you what it was.”
“Don’t you like me, Bohdi?”
“We barely know each other.”
I roll another joint, needing something to take even more of the edge away from my frantic fucking day.
“But we get along really well. I thought you felt it too.”
“Can we not make a big deal out of this. My dick doesn’t want to play the game. It happens.”
“It has never happened with any other guy.”
“Half their luck,” I mutter, inhaling once I’ve lit the joint.
“You’re not attracted to me.”
I exhale the smoke and a sigh. “Never said that.”
“You haven’t even tried to fuck me.”
I glance at her. “Didn’t think we were doin’ that.”
“Do you want to be with me?”
I shake my head. “I thought we were friends.”
“So you don’t!” she cries, glaring at me.
“We haven’t even discussed it, Isla. We’re hangin’ out, didn’t know you wanted more than that.”
“Why are you so cold?” she huffs, standing. “You don’t even talk to me. You’re such a closed off person, Bohdi. If you weren’t so hot, I wouldn’t even try it with you.”
God.
Female drama.
“You done?” I ask her.
“God,” she screeches, stomping her foot into the sand. “Such a dick!”
The she turns and disappears into the night.
Finally, a bit of silence.
I need a bit of fucking silence.
My phone rings, as if hearing my internal plea for quiet. It’s Carson.
“Yo,” I mutter, answering it.
“Yo, brother. Where are you?”
“Beach. Why?”
“You gettin’ fuckin’ laid?”
“Nope.”
“Un-fuckin’-lucky. Party up at stone hill. You comin’?”
“Maybe,” I say, inhaling again. “Got to get home. Work tomorrow.”
“You just finished work. You weren’t at the beach today. You good, man?”
“Someone has to keep a roof over her head,” I say, more to myself than to him.
“Your mom still makin’ life hard?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, if you change your mind. We’re here. There are some hot chicks getting around.”
I’m sure there are.
“Later, brother,” I say, hanging up the phone.
Then I lean back against the palm tree behind me, close my eyes, and breathe in the salty sea air. Here, there are no sounds. Here, there is no drama. Here, I’m free. It’s the only place in the world where I can be who I am, without judgement or interruption. The ocean is my haven, and when I’m in it, I don’t feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. There is no noise, no drama, nothing but the crashing waves against the shore.
It’s the only time I’m at peace.
And god knows ... I need it.
5
NOW – MERLEIGH
I unlock the front door and push it open.
My heart is in my throat, my stomach is in knots, and my hands are shaking. They have been since the moment I picked up the keys and drove over here. To my new home. To a place where I will finally discover who I am. It’s something I’ve been dreaming about for a very long time.
I’m terrified, though.
I haven’t been on my own in forever.
I’ve not been left with the sound of my own thoughts and nothing else.
I could smell the sea breeze the moment I got out of my car. Hear the crashing waves and the birds chirping. The ocean is so close for me to enjoy any moment I want. For as long as I want.
I push the front door fully open and step inside the cozy little cabin. It’s as nice as the pictures, which I’m thankful for. It only has one small bedroom, but the large, opening living area makes up for that. The big windows you can slide open make it even nicer as the ocean breeze rolls in. The furniture is all very rustic and well suited to the ocean theme. Pictures of boats and sandy beaches hang on the light-oak walls.
The kitchen is large, with a window overlooking the bushland behind me. Bushland that travels until it reaches the road that leads into town. The cabin is private, and it’s so comfortable I already feel at ease. I walk in and place my suitcase down, and then I wander around. I go into the bedroom with its double bed. There is nothing else but a bookshelf in here, but that’s okay with me.
The bathroom is ocean blue, and very outdated, but I kind of like it. The tub is large and has a very tropical feel.
The deck on the front of the cabin is small, but it boasts a great little swing chair. That chair looks out over some bushland, a trail, and in the distance you can see a touch of the ocean. I can get up every morning and walk to that ocean. I can swim, I can teach myself to surf, I can run, I can just sit with a book under a shady tree.
My heart aches for that kind of freedom and, finally, it’s at my fingertips.
I slowly unpack my things, wash my sheets, and give the cabin a general tidy up. The owner said it hasn’t been used in a few months, so there are fine layers of dust everywhere. It doesn’t bother me at all to clean. I spent years cleaning, and it’s one of the only times I find myself zoning out and disappearing into my own thoughts.
The sound of my phone ringing snaps me from those thoughts.
It’s Waverly.
“Hi, Waverly,” I say, answering it.
I sit on the edge of my sofa and discover it’s quite comfortable.
“How are you settling in, honey?”
“So far, so good. I’ve just been cleaning. It has been nice so far. Hopefully my first night is uneventful.”
“I don’t think it’s going to be.”
I purse my lips in confusion. “Why is that?”
“Bohdi is coming to you.”
My heart races immediately at the sound of his name. Bohdi is coming here? Why would he be coming here? Does he have my address? How? How did he find me so quickly?