“Why do you have to be so fuckin’ dramatic?” I shake my head, frustrated.
“I’m not!” she screams. “You think I won’t do it? Fuck you, Bohdi. I can’t live like this anymore.”
She charges toward the edge of the lookout and climbs under the rails. Fuck me. This bitch is crazy enough to do this for attention. With a frustrated growl, I follow her. She stands on the edge of the cliff, screaming and crying, tugging at her hair.
“Come back here,” I growl, stepping closer to her. “Stop playing games.”
“You all think I’m crazy, that I won’t do it? What do I have to live for?”
“You get your shit together, you get yourself a life, you got plenty to live for. Now step back here, or I’m going to pull you back.”
She glances at me, and the emptiness in her eyes has me suddenly realizing she might actually consider jumping. I’m sure deep down it isn’t what she wants but, right now, she’s so emotional, she is unlikely to be thinking correctly. I step forward and reach for her arm, curling my fingers around it. She tries to jerk it away, screaming and thrashing her head from side to side.
“Let me go, Bohdi. Let me go so I can die. None of you will care. Nobody cares.”
“We fuckin’ care,” I say, through gritted teeth, trying not to lose my footing as she tugs her arm, trying to free it from my grips. She’s standing right on the edge of a fucking deadly cliff, and there is no way in fuck I’m going down with her if she falls. I need to pull her back. “Now get back before you fall. You don’t want to die.”
“I do, I do want to die. He’s going to leave me.”
“You’ll move on.”
I tug her, trying to pull her back without getting too close to the edge. She screams and wails, tugging her arm so hard to try and free it that she loses her footing. She spins slowly as her foot slips and, in that second, in that split second, I know I have a choice. If I don’t let her go, I’m going down with her. My boots skid across the dirt as her weight begins to fall, pulling me. At this angle, there is simply no way I’ll be able to stop her falling and pull her back.
My option is to go with her.
Or let her go.
Her eyes meet mine, and her screams fill the night air.
I release her.
She tumbles off the side of the cliff, her screeches forever burning themselves into my brain. I roar with rage as, slowly, the sounds disappear. Soon, the only thing left to hear is the raging waterfall.
I stare into the darkness, my body shaking.
There is no way in the world she would have lived through that, the rocks alone would have killed her and if they didn’t, the impact would.
Once again, I’m left with a choice.
Call the police, tell them what happened, and live with the consequences.
Or ...
Maybe ...
Just fucking maybe ...
I can let them think I went over with her.
With a quick search, police will think I met her here, we discovered the grizzly truth and couldn’t handle it. God knows they know my name well, they know about my past, and they know how fucking broken I am.
It’s a believable story.
My chance to set myself free.
To start my life again.
To let everyone think I’m gone.
Dead.
Disappeared.
I stare over the edge of the dark cliff.
Then I turn and walk away.
Tonight, two lives were taken.
Tonight, I died on this cliff.
Tonight, I was reborn a new man.
A free man.
1
NOW – MERLEIGH
“Merleigh?”
The sounds of their voices calling me fill my ears and only makes my head that much foggier.
I press my back against the wall, not wanting them to find me. I don’t want them to see my face, the pain in my eyes, the broken pieces spewing forth. If they see that, then they’ll know just how much he meant to me. They’ll understand just how much this hurts, and I can’t have that. I can’t let them know.
I want to be alone.
In my own thoughts.
Lost in my own pain.
I push off the wall and make my way around the front of the clubhouse lot. I slip out the front gates and start walking down the road. I wish I knew where I was going. I don’t. I just know I can’t be there a single second longer. I can’t see the woman who is married to the man I’ve fallen in love with. I can’t look into his children’s eyes and know that they need him more than I do.
And oh, how I need him.
He has been the only thing keeping my head above water.
He has helped me heal the wounds that I thought would be forever gaping, forever open for the world to see.
A tear rolls down my cheek, followed by another, and suddenly I’m jogging. I jog until I can’t breathe, until my lungs burn from the exertion. I push past it and find myself at the local bridge overlooking a gorgeous river. A river he has brought me to once or twice, a place where we’d sit and talk. Well, I’d talk and he’d listen.
Bohdi doesn’t talk.
Now I understand why.
If he talks then the truth will be revealed, and the truth, for him ... is ugly.
It’s horribly ugly.
I sit on the edge of the bridge, trying to catch my breath. I dangle my legs over the side, listening to the sound of the water running below me. If I jumped off this bridge, I wouldn’t die. Hell, people do it all the time for fun. I’d probably land into the icy cold water, and maybe, if I stayed in there long enough, that would kill me.
The idea of crashing into cold water right now doesn’t scare me.
It’s tempting, even.
My breathing slows down, but the tears don’t stop. They just keep rolling on down my face.
The vibrations in my back pocket are a sure sign that everyone has figured out I’m gone.
I don’t check it.
What could they possibly say to make me feel any better?
The man I trusted, the man I gave my heart to, has a wife and kids.
A god damned wife and kids.
The worst part is, we’ve never even kissed. How pathetic is that? I gave him my heart purely on time spent together. The way he’d listen, and the way he’d always be there for me, even when I had nothing to say. He was just there. We had a connection, a bond that ran deeper than anything I’ve ever experienced. Bohdi, he was my friend, and I trusted him.
He lied to me.
He lied to us all.
It makes sense to me now, why he is so closed off. Why his eyes are so distant, why he never bared his soul to me. He never told me about his life, or why he’s here. He just told me it’s a story for another day. I see why now. He was lying. The entire time, he was lying.
I press my chin to the railing in front of me and stare off into the darkness. My heart hurts, god, it aches. A feeling I’m not familiar with. I’ve had pain. I’ve had fear. But I’ve never had heartbreak. I’d take all of those other things a thousand times over if it meant I never had to feel the pain I’m feeling right now.
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. It burns, my lungs still recovering from the force of my run.
I understand a hard life—hell, I’ve lived one.
I understand protecting those you love from the truth.