I’m her punching bag.
“I’m going to work. Do what you fucking want. If you don’t go to your job, I’m moving out and you can fend for yourself.”
She looks horrified by this. “Of course you’d leave, just like he did. You selfish little shit.”
“He left because you’re a fucking waste of space,” I roar, the anger spewing out of me. “You’re useless.”
I don’t mean it.
I don’t.
The moment the words come out, I step toward her with my hand extended, wanting to apologize.
She stares at me in horror, and tears burst forth and roll down her cheeks. “You’re a horrible son. Get out.”
“I didn’t mean it, Mom,” I say, my voice softer now.
“Get out!” she screams.
I turn, hanging my head, and I walk out of the shack.
Maybe she’s right.
Maybe I am just like him.
A waste of fucking space.
3
NOW – MERLEIGH
“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” Briella says, pushing her bottom lip out as she helps me pack my very few things into a box.
“It’s time for me to start again. I can’t keep living with all of you and expecting you to take care of me.”
“We love having you here. You’re part of the family, Merleigh. Don’t ever think you’re a burden.”
I smile at her. “I know I’m not.”
“Is this because of Bohdi? He’s been asking where you are.”
Hearing his name makes my heart ache a little more than yesterday. Each day, it feels like the hurt simply grows.
“I won’t lie and say it doesn’t involve him, because of course it does.”
“He really cares about you, honey. He does.”
“He has a wife, and children.”
Briella frowns. “Yes, that shocked us all. She seems ... strange. Nice, but very pushy.”
“She’s still here?” I ask, my voice a little shakier than I’d like.
“Yeah, she is living with him. We still don’t know the story, or what happened, but whatever it is, there is some bad water under that bridge.”
She’s living with him?
That hurts.
It hurts so god damned much.
The very idea that she is with him, playing house, makes me feel sick to my stomach. It only makes me realize that I’m making the right decision to leave. If they get back together, if he walks around the club with her, I honestly don’t think I can handle it.
“I’m sorry, honey. That wasn’t how I meant it,” Briella says, when she sees the look on my face. “I just mean he’s staying with her. They’re not together.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I say softly. “That’s his wife, he has children. She isn’t going anywhere, and he needs to focus on them. Right now, I just can’t ... I can’t ...”
“I understand, more than you know,” Briella says, reaching out and squeezing my hand. “Did you have some photos of the little shack you’re going to be living in?”
I nod, showing her the picture of the one-bedroom, cabin style shack near the beach. It’s not on the water, but it’s only a few hundred yards walk, and it’s private and secluded. It also comes fully furnished, which really helps me. I’ve called a few cafes in the area, and two of them are looking for staff.
This is the right move. I have to believe that.
“This is so cute!” Briella says. “I can’t wait to come and stay. You better be visiting us, too. You’re family, remember that.”
I smile at her. “Of course, I will be in most weekends, and you’re welcome to stay whenever you want.”
She claps. “Girls’ nights! This will be great. I love the ocean, too. Gosh, I’ll be there getting a tan often.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I like the ocean, too.”
I never spent enough time near the ocean, not with the life I lived and then being sold took away all of my freedom. This is the first time in my life that I’ll actually have full control of what I do.
That’s scary and exciting.
Briella smiles at me in a way that shows her pride, it’s written all over her face. “I just want you to know, you’re incredible. You’re possibly one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, Merleigh. You’re brave and determined. Considering what you’ve been through, you’re truly showing the world who you are.”
My heart swells, and I step forward, hugging her. “I’ll miss not seeing you all every day.”
“You have no idea how much I’ll miss it, too.”
She’s wrong.
I think I do.
I’ve grown to love the club like they’re my very own family.
I’ll miss them more than they’ll ever know.
I WALK THROUGH THE gates surrounding the clubhouse. I don’t really want to be here, but I have to return Waverly’s key on my way out of town. Plus, I want to say goodbye to everyone. The chance of running into Bohdi is high, but I’m not going to leave without thanking them all and telling them how much they mean to me.
I’m not going far, I know this, but it’s still a hard decision to make.
I round the corner toward the front steps and see Bohdi sitting on the patio with Isla by his side. The two of them are talking, and he puts an arm around her shoulder, his face blank. She makes a pained sort of sound, and then her eyes swing to me when she realizes I’m standing there. My heart is going to bust out of my chest—it’s pounding so hard I honestly don’t think I can take another breath.
Bohdi turns, and when his eyes connect with mine, the hard expression on his face softens a bit. I rush past, not wanting to speak to him, or see him with his wife, or have to hear what he has to say. My heart is breaking, it’s shattering into a thousand tiny pieces that I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever be able to piece back together again.
Bohdi ... he did something to me.
He connected with my soul in a way I never thought another human would.
The idea of that never going further, like I thought it would, is crushing.
“Merleigh, wait.”
Bohdi’s voice has me clenching my eyes shut and coming to a stop just inside of the front doors. I don’t turn, I don’t face him. If I do, he’ll see how hurt I truly am. I keep my head down, trying to control my breathing as best I can. That feels pointless, but I can’t lose it in front of him. I can’t. I’m leaving in a mere few minutes. If I don’t want, I’ll never have to see him again.
That thought makes me want to vomit.
I see his boots when I open my eyes and know he’s standing in front of me. I don’t look up. I can’t.
“Look at me,” he says, his voice scratchy and so god damned deep it makes my chest ache and my stomach twist.
“Please,” I say, to the floor. “Please just leave me alone.”
“Come with me.”
He takes my arm and pulls me, down the hall, past a few bikers who stop and stare at us, and into a vacant room. There he shuts the door, and I have no choice but to look up at him. His eyes scan over my face, the gorgeous hazel with specks of blue making my soul come to life. I’m in love with him. There is simply no other way to put it.