Neither of us was out. I was pretty sure my parents would be okay with it. They might take a little time to get used to it, but they weren’t the type to put much thought into me anyway, so I didn’t see them caring that much that I was gay.
Doug’s, on the other hand, would be another story, especially his father. He would disown Doug. There was no doubt in either of our minds about that. Our families were close, our parents best friends, and while mine let me do whatever, on the condition it didn’t come back to look bad for them, Doug’s dad put all sorts of pressures on him all the time. He had to be the best at every sport, and get good grades, and go to Stanford like his parents had.
“Why wouldn’t it work? We’re best friends. No one is going to be surprised if I go to California like you.”
“Yeah, but you already got accepted to NC State.”
Little did he know, I didn’t want to go there at all. It wasn’t me. I’d be happy at a smaller college or a community college, as long as I got to be close to him. Hell, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life yet, other than be with him.
I shrugged. “So? I hate the idea of heading off to a new school where I don’t know anyone. My parents will probably be pissed, but I don’t care.” Doug craved his family’s approval in ways I never did. I knew my grandma loved me. She was so different from my dad. I didn’t know how he turned out that way, having been raised by her. Where my parents cared about money and status, Grandma didn’t.
When Doug didn’t look convinced, I added, “Stop worrying, okay?”
“I can’t help it. You don’t worry enough, so I have to do it for the both of us!”
“I’m sorry. I’ll…try to worry more?”
Doug laughed. “Shut up.”
“It’ll be okay. We just keep pretending. Then we go off to college together as best friends, and we’ll be across the country from them. No one will ever know, and we can be together for real.”
“Yeah,” he replied. “We can be together for real.”
My eyes jerked open, the dream about Doug already fading. This was freaking me out. I hadn’t dreamed about him in a long-ass time. I tried, as much as possible, to keep myself from thinking about Doug. It hurt too much, and I sure as shit didn’t want to relive that pain again. Ever. I planned to do everything in my power to keep that from happening. Love…fuck, love hurt, and I wasn’t a masochist, wasn’t fond of things hurting.
Grumbling, I got out of bed and went straight for the shower. It was a little early, but there was no reason to put off getting up and ready for work.
It had been a few days since my crazy-ass, what-in-the-hell-had-I-been-thinking offer to take a trip with Griff. I had no idea where that had come from, and even though I’d felt a stab of disappointment when he said no, I figured it was for the best. What did I expect to change or get better by going on some weird journey with him to… I didn’t even know where I’d planned to go. That was the most fucked-up part of it all. Well, maybe not the most.
I finished getting ready for work, filled up my to-go coffee mug, and headed for Get Pumped.
Sometimes I still couldn’t believe it was mine. I’d never had huge dreams to run the world the way Doug had. Part of the pressure came from his family, there was no denying that, but some was him. He’d wanted things I never did. Occasionally I’d wonder how we’d fit so well, how we’d made sense, but we had when we’d been together. He’d grounded me in some ways, and I’d set him free in others.
Shit. I was thinking about him again. My mind was playing tricks on me, and somehow, I knew it had something to do with Griffin Caine. He was both infuriating and a breath of fresh air. Leave it to Griff to be confusing as hell.
I took care of my morning duties before opening the gym. Paul was running the front desk today, and I had Stacy with me, one of the other trainers.
The day went by quickly, without any major hiccups. Those were always my favorite kinds of days. After my shift ended, I got in a workout, then headed home to shower.
I had dinner and fucked around in the house for a little while before I started to get antsy. I’d always been like that, had all this pent-up energy that needed to escape. I tried to work on one of my model cars. It was something I’d picked up when I was a teenager. Doug and I used to do them together, and I had a display case filled with them. But even that wasn’t keeping my attention. For just a moment, I thought about hopping on to Grindr or getting in touch with one of the guys I hooked up with, who lived in the neighboring towns, but I didn’t do either. Instead, I shoved my phone into my pocket, grabbed my keys, and found myself driving to Griff’s.
I hadn’t seen him since I offered to temporarily run away with him, so I figured I’d go to the bar, grab a beer, and shoot the shit. From what Kell said earlier, he and Chase had plans. Natalie was at work. That was why I told myself I was going to hang out with Griffin and nothing else.
It was early evening on a weeknight, so when I got there, I wasn’t surprised it wasn’t very busy. Rock music played through the speakers, and as I made my way to Griff, he glanced up from the beer he was pouring. It looked like he’d gotten a haircut, his black hair now slightly shorter on the sides and longer on top. His behaved in ways mine didn’t, lying down just as it should. I watched him as those deep brown eyes of his took me in. Griff had this rugged look about him. Not like Knox, but he had this perma-dusting of dark stubble along his jaw, and deep-set eyes that always looked like he was worrying about the whole damn world.
I took a stool across from him. “What’s up, Grumpy G?” I liked that better than Grumpy Griff.
“There’s something seriously wrong with you.”
I chuckled, but he ignored me as he walked toward the other end of the bar where a group of men were sitting and handed the beer to one of them. When he made his way back to me, he asked, “Did you come here to bust my balls?”
“Nope. Your balls have nothing to do with why I’m here.”
Griff frowned, his forehead wrinkling cutely. There was no denying that Griff was hot as fuck. If he wasn’t my best friend’s brother and, well, straight, I would have definitely hoped to get into his pants.
“What?”
Oh shit. I’d been staring at him. “I said, old man, your balls are safe with me.” I was only a couple of years younger than him, but he acted older, so it was a good way to give him shit.
A few people looked our way. Griff froze, and I bit my cheek, trying not to laugh. God, messing with him was fun. Not in an asshole way, of course. If I’d thought it really bothered him, I would never do it, but I thought…I thought Griffin Caine enjoyed me more than he wanted to admit. I sure enjoyed him more than I ever thought I would.
“I hate you. I can’t believe I used to think you were my favorite of Kellan’s friends.”
“Wait. Are you saying we’re not friends? You’re mean to me, man. I’m not sure how I put up with it. Sometimes I even cry at night when I’m trying to go to sleep, thinking…how can I get Griff to like me?”
He rolled his eyes, automatically filling up a mug of my favorite dark beer and handing it over. “Sorry about your luck. I think it’s a lost cause.”