“It shouldn’t be.”
“That doesn’t mean it isn’t. I hate that—what people should and shouldn’t feel. We’re fucking human, and we’re all different. There can’t be rules on how something affects us or doesn’t.” He was right. I was about to tease him about being so damn profound, when he took the bottle from my hand and added, “Well, unless we’re the ones who decide what we should or shouldn’t feel. No one else has the right to decide for another person.” Josh drank more, then said, “Whew. That’s strong. Keep it away from me. I think it burned fire down my esophagus.”
Fine by me. I’d keep my whiskey to myself. What he said continued to tumble around in my brain clunkily, like when you threw tennis shoes in the dryer. “What do you mean by that? Unless we’re the ones to decide?”
“Exactly what I said.” He shrugged. “Anyway, I get it. I love Kell. I want him to be happy. I was iffy on Chase at first, but they’re perfect for each other, and I know there’s nothing Chase wouldn’t do for him. It just…”
“Feels like everyone is moving on without you,” fell from my lips softly. I wanted to suck the words back in, wished I hadn’t let him in that way, but there was nothing I could do about it now.
In my periphery, I saw Josh turn to look at me. “Yeah, that.”
“Wait. What? You feel that way?” Damn, my lips were feeling loose, and my chest was burning.
“Yeah, Grumpy Griff. What, I can’t feel left out with my best friend because I fuck a lot?”
“Please tell me you’re not going to start calling me Grumpy Griff.”
I risked a glance at him, and he gave me a goofy grin. “I like it. Might look into some merch too.” He pulled his cell out of his pocket. “Here, give me your best scowl so I can get a photo real quick.”
“Fuck off,” I said, trying not to scowl, but I was pretty sure it didn’t work. He snapped a picture. “Has anyone ever told you you’re annoying as shit?”
“Just you, Grumpy Griff. I save it all for you.”
“Gee, thanks. I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you.” I took another drink.
“Come on, GG. You like it. Don’t pretend you don’t.”
I cocked a brow at him. Hey, apparently, when I was buzzed, it made it a little easier to look at him without thinking about that night in the hotel. “How many names are you gonna have for me?”
“As many as I want.”
Damned if I didn’t chuckle before looking away.
We were quiet again for a moment, just sitting there, and it was…comfortable. I’d always liked Josh. I used to think he would be good for Kellan, before Chase came back. It wasn’t until after Chase and Kell got together that we got this weird thing where he teased and frustrated me. But it wasn’t an angry kind of frustration, more a confusing one.
“You really feel the same way?” I found myself asking. “Like everyone is moving on around you?”
“Yeah. Yeah I do. I think that’s normal.”
“It’s strange. I’ve spent my whole life worried about Kell and trying to protect him, and worrying about Chase too because of the shit with his dad when he was young. When I went off to college, I thought it was finally going to be about me. Then my parents died, and I came back, and now…Kellan doesn’t need me. I know that, but it’s like, what do I do now? Who even am I if I’m not focusing on Kellan?” I’d always worried about my baby brother, but maybe all along he should have worried about me. At least Kellan always knew who he was and went for what he wanted. “Shit. I wish I hadn’t said that. It’s like my mouth is moving and I can’t control it.” When Josh didn’t reply, I turned toward him. “What’s up?”
“We should get out of Havenwood for a while, for a change of scenery.”
“What?” jumped out of my mouth. What in the hell was he talking about?
“Anything. I didn’t really think about it before I said it, but it could be fun. We could do things you want to do. Or do nothing at all. Hell, I don’t know, Griff. Clear our heads a bit and have some fun. When was the last time you went away?”
Outside of that night in Richmond, I couldn’t remember, to be honest. “You mean just us?”
“Yeah. What, you’re afraid I’m gonna give you cooties? We are friends, aren’t we?”
I nodded, and where a few minutes ago my lips were running free, now I didn’t know what to say. I landed on, “What about work?”
He rolled his eyes. “That’s the beauty of being the boss. We get to make the rules. They can handle it without us. I’m not suggesting we leave for a six-month trip around the world or anything.”
I couldn’t figure out why he was suggesting this at all. What good would it do? And him and me alone? Yeah, we went fishing and shit like that, but a vacation?
“You hired Miguel not long ago. I think he wants to bone Nat, by the way.”
“No shit?” I hadn’t noticed.
“You’re so cutely oblivious sometimes.” He chuckled, and I felt a strange tingle at my nape.
Miguel had been a lucky hire. He’d worked in bars his whole life, even managing. He’d moved to Havenwood to help out a sick uncle. And now I was stalling by thinking about Miguel instead of what Josh had asked me. It was weird, him and me going away together. It didn’t make sense. It would be different if it was all our friends, or him and Kellan, but…I didn’t do this. I didn’t just take off for a week or a weekend or whatever it was Josh had in mind. “Nah, I appreciate the offer, but I couldn’t,” I finally said.
“Well, actually you probably could, but no biggie. It was just an idea.” My first thought was surprise that Josh wasn’t going to push this. He always pushed. Instead he stood. “I better head out.”
Well, shit. That had been easy. Disappointment flickered in my gut. “You’re okay to drive?”
“Yeah, I had two swallows. I’m fine.” His voice sounded a little strange. Not like he was drunk or anything, just…tight. Then he got that cocky-Josh grin and added, “It’s sweet that you worry, Grumpy Griff.”
“I would about anyone. It’s not you.”
He clutched his chest. “Oh, you wound me so. I don’t know how I’ll ever survive it.”
“Ha-ha. You’re so funny.”
“I’m fucking hilarious and you know it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go home, maybe jack off, and get some sleep.”
I rolled my eyes. “Did I need to know that?”
“Yes, yes you did.” Josh winked, then walked into the house and out the front door.
A while later, in bed, I slid my hand down my body, wrapped a fist around my cock, and jacked off. As my orgasm began to roll through me, I closed my eyes, and damned if Josh’s face didn’t flash through my head. I arched off the bed and shot all over my chest before melting into the mattress again.
What. The. Fuck.
CHAPTER THREE
Josh
“Do you think it’ll really work?” Doug asked softly. We were in an abandoned house in the woods, where we always went when we wanted to be alone. Well, when we wanted to be alone that way. Since we were best friends, we were together all the time. He stayed at my house or I stayed at his. We played the same sports, and our coaches always talked about how much chemistry we had. Little did they know it was because we were in love with each other. Because I knew what Doug’s mouth tasted like and he was my first…everything.