“Oh no…” I knew where this was going.
“Tabitha wanted to come clean about their hookups to Derek, but Kevin said they shouldn’t because it would only cause harm. They weren’t sleeping together anymore, it was over, so it wouldn’t help anything.” Cleo gave a long sigh. “Derek heard all of that and went back to the party and took a seat, processing all of it.”
“I knew something was wrong,” Deacon said. “I could see it on his face.”
“Tabitha and Kevin returned,” Cleo continued. “We had dinner, and then when it came time to make toasts…Derek lost it. He told everyone what had happened, and when Kevin stood up to talk to Derek, he knocked him out. He stormed out afterward…and that was it.”
“Ryan and Camille stayed friends with them, so they must have been at the wedding,” Deacon said. “It would have been the first time Derek had seen or heard from either of them in a decade.”
“Oh my god.” Now it all made sense. “Every time Derek had to do something for the wedding, he was always in a really sour mood. Now I know why. Because he had to see Kevin.” Despite the way Derek had hurt me, I felt so terrible for him, imagining him having to experience that kind of betrayal and humiliation, to know that the two people he loved most stabbed him in the back like that.
“It’s hard to believe, but Derek used to be a really upbeat, kind, trusting person,” Deacon said. “He was affectionate, sweet, open, and vulnerable. And then that happened, and he just… It changed his entire foundation. He never recovered. He never…came back.”
“Until you,” Cleo said. “We started to get him back. We were so happy that he found you, that he was happy again, that he was finally able to trust somebody again.”
Now I understood why he was so sensitive to my shortcomings. My actions weren’t egregious, but they were enough to make him uncomfortable, to make him question things. And then seeing the people who’d scarred him just made everything worse. “I wish he had told me this.”
“It’s really hard for him,” Cleo said. “It still eats away at him …clearly.”
“Yeah.” Now I understood why he spent the last decade having meaningless flings and going to stupid parties. I understood why he was an asshole, because he refused to feel anything. He threw himself into work, the only thing he would allow himself to care about. When shit hit the fan, he went back to that, stopped caring about everything—even me.
“We’ll talk to him,” Deacon said. “We’ll figure this out.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do. It took me six months to get him to that level in the first place, and I don’t think it can happen again. And even if it could, I don’t think I’d even try because he would just go backward the second there’s a bump in the road. That trust is broken. He hurt me. There’s no going back now. It’s been too long. I told him I wouldn’t wait around for him and he shouldn’t take too long to come to his senses, and that fell on deaf ears.” I looked down into my mug. “I loved that man with everything I had. He’s the love of my life—he’ll always be the love of my life. He was a blessing for both Lizzie and me. But…he’s gone. That man doesn’t exist anymore. I’m sorry, but he’s not coming back.”
5
Derek
It was Christmas Eve morning when Dad texted me. We’re here to pick you up.
My eyebrows furrowed as I read the message. I wasn’t even at my home right now. I was at the warehouse outside the city. I thought I was driving up alone?
If you were driving up alone, you would be home right now, wouldn’t you?
Fuck. He knew.
We’ll be here when you get back.
“Jesus.” I packed up my stuff and drove back to the city, taking almost an hour because traffic was crazy since everyone was traveling right now. I parked in the underground garage then rode the elevator to my floor. When I approached the door, I knew they were inside, so I didn’t bother to put the key in the lock.
It was already unlocked.
With my satchel over my shoulder, I stepped inside my home, seeing my dad sitting on the couch. Mom was in the kitchen, cooking. He leaned back against the cushions, one ankle resting on the opposite knee, his elbow on the armrest and his knuckles propped against his cheek. He gave me a look I couldn’t describe because I’d never seen it before.
Mom didn’t say something cheery from the kitchen. She just kept working.
Dad didn’t greet me either. He didn’t rise from the couch and embrace me. He didn’t say Merry Christmas.
I sighed before I set my satchel on the end table and stripped off my jacket and laid it on top. “I haven’t even packed, so you guys should go ahead—”
“Sit.” My dad was not in the mood for my excuses.
I felt like a boy again. It was like I’d broken the rules I knew weren’t supposed to be broken. There was no way to get out of it, so I moved to the other couch and sat across from him. It was best just to get this over with, to rip off the bandage and move on. The sounds of pots and pans in use were still audible from the kitchen as Mom continued to make me something before we got on the road.
Dad repositioned himself so he sat at the edge of the couch with his hands together, his forearms resting on his knees. He was in a dark green sweater and black jeans, his scruff thick because he stopped shaving once he wasn’t required to go into the office. He stared at me with hard eyes, showing a hint of ferocity. “Anything you’d like to tell me?”
I clenched my jaw slightly then chewed the inside of my cheek as I considered the question. “No. Because it’s obvious you already know everything…since you went behind my back and got involved in something that’s absolutely none of your business.” I knew he just cared, but I was a grown man, and I didn’t need my father to be involved in my love life.
He didn’t have an overt reaction, but the subtle change in his eyes showed how irritated that response made him. “I wouldn’t have to do that if my son didn’t lie to me. I wouldn’t have to ask anyone else about my son’s well-being if my son would just be transparent with me. We’ve been nothing but supportive of you since forever, so why do you continue to hide from us?”
I stared at the floor.
“I asked you a question.”
I lifted my gaze and looked at him. “Again. None of your business.”
His eyebrows slowly furrowed in offense. “No, your love life isn’t my business. But destroying your life piece by piece—damn right, that’s my business. Being an ass and trying to push me away like you did with everyone else isn’t going to work on me, so how about we just cut the shit?”
I stilled because he’d never spoken to me like that before.
He kept up his hard gaze, staring me down as if we were enemies rather than father and son.
The noises from the kitchen stopped, like she was done cooking and now she just listened.
He still didn’t blink. “Let’s try this again.”
I absorbed his harsh gaze into my skin, feeling like I was on trial. “It just wasn’t working. That’s it. I didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore, so I ended it.”