They stepped inside my small apartment. We had a little tree in the corner that was lit up with lights and ornaments, and the TV showed a classic Christmas movie.
Lizzie came into the living room and looked at them both, but she also looked past them, like she expected Derek to appear. It was obvious that she was sad about Derek’s departure, that she missed him even though she was angry with him for hurting me. It was exactly what I didn’t want to happen, for my daughter to get attached to someone who wouldn’t be around forever.
I would never forgive Derek for that.
“Hey, Lizzie.” Deacon placed the presents under the tree then bent to embrace Lizzie. “Merry Christmas.” He opened his arms and held her close, giving her a long hug.
Lizzie closed her eyes as she held him.
Cleo set down the presents then turned to me, heartbreak in her eyes, like she hurt for me, hurt for herself, and hurt for her son.
Deacon pulled away and rubbed her arms. “Happy to be out of school?”
She nodded. “Yeah, I love Christmastime.” She continued to talk to him.
Cleo opened her arms then came closer to me. “Honey…”
I moved into her embrace and closed my eyes, doing my best not to cry, to accept her warmth as a gift rather than a painful goodbye. I squeezed her tightly and felt the loss, felt what else I was losing besides Derek.
“I’m so sorry about all this.” She squeezed me before she let me go.
I couldn’t bring myself to talk, so I gave a nod.
“I got you guys something.” She opened her purse and pulled out hot cocoa mix and the same marshmallows she’d had at the cabin. “I know how much Lizzie loves them.”
I took them from her hand and nodded. “Thank you.”
Deacon finished talking to Lizzie then came to me.
Cleo switched and moved to greet Lizzie. “Hey, honey. You look even prettier than the last time I saw you.”
Deacon dropped his smile and gave me a painful look, like he could feel what I felt, like he was so kind that he could feel the pain of others. He gave me more compassion than his own son did. He moved into me and gave me a warm embrace, holding me the way my father held me, giving me love without saying it. He rubbed my back before he pulled away. “I’ll talk to him.”
I shook my head. “It’s okay… It’s over.”
His eyes narrowed. “We’ll talk about it later. For now, let’s open some presents and make some hot cocoa.”
I nodded. “That sounds so nice.” My eyes started to well up.
His eyes softened in a brand-new way, and he moved his hand to my shoulder and gave me a comforting squeeze. “It’ll be alright, sweetheart. I love my son very much, but he’s not worth your pain.”
Lizzie drank three cups of hot cocoa, opened all her gifts, and had a great night. Even without Derek there, she perked up and smiled, so happy to spend time with Deacon and Cleo because she had her own relationship with them.
When the night deepened and she got sleepy, she said goodbye to both of them with a hug then went to bed.
Deacon and Cleo stayed at the dining table with their mugs, like they intended to have a conversation about Derek before they left, even though it was almost ten in the evening and tomorrow was Christmas Eve.
I sat across from them and sighed. “I don’t know what happened… It was just everything. He told me about his mom, about that voice mail he left, and then the heart attack she had afterward…the rocket… And then he was upset about something I did…”
“What did you do?” Cleo asked gently.
It was a little awkward, but I just told them the truth. “Derek and I share documents between our computers because I edit his books. He didn’t realize he’d shared a private document with me, a story he wrote about me, and I read it…and never told him. When he figured it out, he was really upset. Said I violated his privacy. I did, but I didn’t mean any harm by it. And then I hadn’t told him about Lizzie until after he told me how he felt about me, and he thought that was a betrayal too.”
Deacon dropped his gaze. “Nothing that can’t be forgiven.”
“Well, he feels differently,” I whispered.
“And then he just…ended it?” Cleo asked.
“No. It seemed like he could get past that. I asked if he wanted to end things, and he said no. Then we went to Ryan’s rehearsal dinner, and everything seemed fine. But I went to the bathroom, and when I came back, he’d punched one guy until he was unconscious, and some girl was there, and then he just stormed out…and dumped me in the stairwell. That’s the gist of it.”
Deacon closed his eyes and sighed. “Jesus.”
Cleo reacted the same way, pressing her lips tightly together like she pictured the scene I’d just described.
“I asked him about it in the stairwell, but he wouldn’t answer me. Just said he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I’m standing there sobbing, and he’s just devoid of all emotion.”
Cleo shook her head.
“I gave him some space for about ten days, assuming he would come to his senses after this…thing…passed. But he acted like I didn’t exist at work, didn’t talk to me, as if I were the one who’d done something, and when I finally confronted him, he acted like he couldn’t care less about me…and just wanted me to stop talking.” The last few weeks had been the hardest in my entire life. I was so heartbroken—more than heartbroken, but there wasn’t a word to describe it. “He’s a different person. It’s like the first day I met him, when he was rude, indifferent, cold…empty. He’s smart enough to build a time machine, so I feel like he succeeded and now I’m living in the past.”
Deacon was quiet for a long time, staring at the surface of the table, his mug of hot cocoa cold because he didn’t really touch it. He moved his elbows to the surface and started to slouch, as if the weight of the situation were on his shoulders, when his son’s romance wasn’t his problem. “I think that’s exactly what happened, minus the time machine.”
“The stress triggered him, and he went back to who he became ten years ago,” Cleo said. “All that progress…lost. Everything you did for him…gone.” She dropped her gaze, heartbroken. “This is just terrible.”
“What happened ten years ago?” They wouldn’t tell me last time I asked because it was Derek’s business and not theirs, but I felt like he’d given up his privacy when he’d decided to be cruel.
Deacon looked at his wife.
She looked at him, gave a nod, and then turned back to me. “Derek was engaged.”
My eyes narrowed because I didn’t expect that. I couldn’t picture him being that committed to anyone…except me. “Oh…”
“He asked his high school sweetheart to marry him after college,” Deacon said. “They’ve known each other since grade school. We have hundreds of pictures of her in photo albums. Derek had a good group of friends that stayed close all through school and even when they went to different colleges. Kevin was his best friend. He used to tag along to everything with us. He was a part of our family. Loved him like a son.” Deacon shook his head. “But at Derek’s rehearsal dinner, Kevin and Tabitha were talking privately in the stairwell inside the building…and Derek overheard them.”