“Makes sense.”
“I read your new book.”
“Yeah? You seem too busy to read.”
“Not if my brother is the author. And I think it’s the best one in the series.”
“Best?”
“Yeah. I felt like your writing deepened, became more emotional, just had this existential touch that I can’t really explain. But it was your best work, hands down. And based on the reviews I’ve seen, I’m not the only one who thinks it.”
I continued to stare at the snow.
“You think it’ll be a show or a movie or something?”
I shrugged. “No idea. Maybe.”
“So, I know I’m supposed to give you your present tomorrow, but I thought I’d give it to you now. Is that cool?”
“Sure.”
He went back inside and retrieved it before he handed it to me.
It was a light, rectangular item. I ripped through the wrapping and stuffed it into my pocket before I examined the picture frame that held a photo of the two of us at my book signing. We looked so much alike but still had obvious differences.
“I don’t expect you to put it on your nightstand or anything, but it better be in a good spot.”
“I’ll put it in the living room.” I turned to him. “Thanks, man.”
“Sure.” He gave me a one-armed hug. “Merry Christmas.”
“Yeah… Merry Christmas.” I looked at the picture again before I held it down at my side.
We were quiet for a long time, just enjoying the snow, the silence, the stillness that only came once a year.
“So…” He gave a sigh that made his breath come out as a long stream of vapor. “Dad told us not to mention it, but…you know me. I never listen to him. You doing alright? You seem a bit…somber.”
“I’m fine.” It was my answer to everything, well-rehearsed.
“Yeah? Because you talked about Emerson like she was the love of your life…and you’re obviously hers.”
“Sometimes relationships don’t work out, Dex.”
“But that wasn’t the case, right? You just snapped.”
I turned to him, surprised he was so blunt about it. “Maybe you should take Dad’s advice.”
“Yeah, I probably should. But I care too much about you to do that. I sat there and told you I never wanted to settle down, and you proceeded to tell me I was wrong, that I would find someone—”
“And I was wrong, Dex. Is that what you want me to say?” Everyone was probably asleep inside the house, so I kept my voice down even though I didn’t want to. “I was fucking wrong. There you go.”
He shook his head. “No, that’s not what I want you to say, Derek.”
“You’re going to be a rich surgeon in Manhattan. Spend your money on booze and your time on women. That’s my advice to you.”
“What did Emerson do—”
“Nothing.”
“Then why did you do this to her?”
I slowly turned my gaze back to him.
“She seemed like the real deal, man. It seemed like you both were really happy. Seeing your ex really affected you that much? Why didn’t you just go in there with your woman and not give a damn about her? That’s what you should have done.”
“Shut up, Dex.”
His eyebrows rose high up his face. “If you weren’t my brother, I’d punch you in the face right now.”
“Punch me. I don’t give a damn. It’s so fucking cold that I won’t feel it anyway.”
“No.” He turned to walk back inside. “You’re so fucking cold that you won’t feel it.”
6
Emerson
It was my worst Christmas. There was this constant pain in my chest that never stopped throbbing, and my eyes were so sensitive that they could shed tears at any unexpected moment. When I was alone in my bedroom, I let the tears flow and then popped a few pills to stop the migraine before it took full control.
The breakup was a lot harder than it would have been in any other scenario because it didn’t feel like Derek had just dumped me.
It was like he died.
He didn’t even exist anymore. The beautiful man underneath became consumed by the hard outer shell. Now, he was a very different version of the man he used to be, like a ghost that still lingered behind while his soul had passed to the other side.
I needed the salary to keep up my lifestyle, but I didn’t think I could continue to work for Derek indefinitely. Time would pass and it might get easier, but it would never be easy enough that I would stop dreading going to work in the morning. I would always be eager for the day to end so I could go home and not hear his voice or see his face. I rarely interacted with him now, but even then, that was too hard.
I worked in all the places where we’d had beautiful moments—where we made love on the couch, ate burgers at the table and had one of our deep talks, when he almost fired his other assistant because she treated me less than what I deserved. Just being in my bedroom was hard because we used to make love quietly but effectively.
I wanted to move to another fucking state and start over.
But Lizzie and my parents were the light of my life, making Christmas special, doing their best to make me smile and feel loved.
Even though I’d lost the love of my life, I still had my family.
I was so grateful for that.
It was the eve of going back to work, and I was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV, while the anxiety started to pound in my chest.
My phone vibrated with a text. Hey, Emerson. This is Dex Hamilton. I got your number from my parents. I hope you don’t mind. I know we only met a couple times, but you and Lizzie were awesome, and I’m gonna miss having you around. My brother is just being an ass…and I don’t get it. Anyway, you deserve someone really great, and I hope you find someone who actually deserves you. Take care.
Reading his message made my eyes water because I would miss his family so much. It was like losing my own family. They were all so kind and so warm. Thank you, Dex. We’re going to miss you too.
“Mom?” Lizzie must have spotted my reaction from the couch.
I lifted my gaze and looked at her. “Dex texted me. Said he’s going to miss us.”
“Oh…he was really cool.”
“Yeah, he was.” I put my phone aside.
“Do you think you’ll get another job?” she asked.
I nodded. “I tried to apply to a couple places, but no one is hiring over the holidays, unfortunately. When people go back to work tomorrow, I’ll start looking again.” I would take my time with it because I really wanted a position that paid what Derek paid, or maybe a little less. I wanted to save up and buy a house outside the city so we wouldn’t be crammed into this small apartment anymore. I could commute to work so Lizzie could have more space, and my parents could have a garden to take care of.
“I’m sure you’ll get something. I just don’t want you to work there anymore.”
“Lizzie, it’s fine. It’s still a good job.”
“I know, but…” She shrugged.
This horrible event had brought out the best qualities Lizzie possessed. She was affectionate, caring, thoughtful…it was great.