“I also wanted you to know that…you don’t have to wait until I’m out of the house before you start dating again. I’m okay with you seeing guys and having your own life. I know it didn’t work out with him, but he made you really happy…for a time. You should find that again, just with someone better.”
I found it hard to believe there was a guy better than Derek Hamilton out there. They would just be disappointments. “Thanks, Lizzie. I’m not really in that place right now, but maybe someday.”
The weeks passed, and Derek and I barely interacted.
I stayed in the office and organized things around the guys, like I wasn’t even there, and Derek never made conversation with me. He never asked how I was doing. He never asked about Lizzie. His indifference was so painful. He used to care about me so deeply, but now I was just…insignificant to him.
How could someone be so cold?
But maybe his blunt indifference would make it easier for me to move on, to keep my anger to help me get over him. Then when I changed jobs, the last memory I would have of him was of his being an ass, and I would forget about him easier.
Lizzie’s grades started to fall without Derek as her tutor, and she took it pretty hard. She hid her sadness as best she could so I wouldn’t be hurt, but I knew it bothered her. She reverted to her old ways, choosing not to care about school as a coping mechanism.
Our lives deteriorated without Derek, as much as I hated to admit it.
There were rare times when I actually had to talk to Derek, and every time those happened, I felt sick to my stomach. It was like torture, being reminded of his callousness. I would always care about him, so it did hurt to see him descend into emptiness because he was so damaged by everything that he didn’t know how else to cope with it. But I was too heartbroken to care about him more than myself…like I used to. There was no excuse for what he’d done to me, for the way he’d thrown me away to protect himself.
When I set the food on the table, Jerome and Pierre walked over to grab their items.
Derek was far in the back, working on his prototype for the rover.
“You look really nice today,” Pierre said as he looked at me with affection in his eyes.
“Yeah,” Jerome said in agreement. “How’s your day going?”
The guys were so kind to me, going out of their way to make me feel better, to make up for Derek’s horrendous behavior. “Thanks. I’m good. What about you?” They probably saw the emptiness in my eyes every single day and tried to cheer me up. It was really sweet.
After they finished eating, they went back to work.
I stayed there because I had to talk to Derek.
He eventually finished whatever he was doing and walked over, and even though I stood right there at the table, he hardly looked at me. “Yes?”
“Don’t fucking yes me.” I was sick of his attitude, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I just snapped. “You don’t want to treat me like a human being on a personal level, fine. But I’m your assistant, and I deserve to have some kind of professional courtesy. So, knock this shit off and be a good person. Surely, you can do that.”
He stilled at my outburst, blinking as he stared at me, as if he hadn’t anticipated my scathing remarks. “Alright.”
“So, let’s try this again.” I crossed my arms over my chest.
He stared at me blankly again before he found a better response. “How can I help you, Emerson?”
“Much better. Geez, was that so damn hard?” I was so disappointed in this man, not just as a lover, but as a person. “Did you still want to move forward with the internship program? I’ve got all the documents ready, but I assume you’ve had a change of heart about that…since you tend to have a change of heart about a lot of things.” I couldn’t resist the jab. I couldn’t contain my anger. I’d begun to loathe this man.
He took a long pause as he considered the request. “No. Let’s do it.”
“Alright.” I turned away.
“Has Lizzie gone back to school?”
I turned back around and regarded him coldly. I couldn’t believe he’d mentioned my daughter as he hadn’t done that once since he’d dumped me—in a fucking stairwell.
When I didn’t answer, he spoke again. “I can still tutor her.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I committed to it. The internship is designed to train future generations. She falls into that category.”
Would he have mentioned her if I didn’t bring up the internship program?
“But I can only do it once a week now. We’ll do Thursdays.”
I wanted to tell him to fuck off and eat shit, but I knew Lizzie was slipping in her classes, and getting another tutor wasn’t so easy, not when he was the best. I hated that I needed him for the income, but I was working to fix that. I hated that I needed him to tutor my daughter too. But I would do anything for her, do anything to ensure she had a bright future, and working directly with Derek Hamilton was the best education she was ever going to have, so I would put aside my rage for her. “Alright.”
Lizzie and I ate together at the dinner table. January was almost over and February in place. I made pot roast because it was easy. I just threw everything into the slow cooker before work and then let it cook all day.
She was still sensitive to my feelings because she could feel how sad I was. She continued to help around the house and spend time with me.
“Derek wants to tutor you again.”
She dropped her fork into her bowl and looked up at me. “Huh?”
“I talked to him today. He’s doing an internship program at the company and wants to keep helping you, but he said only on Thursdays.”
“You’re kidding me.”
“No.”
She made a disgusted face. “Fuck that.”
“Lizzie!” I couldn’t believe she let those words fly out of her mouth. The occasional cuss word slipped out, but it was never so egregious.
“I don’t even care, Mom. I don’t want his help. He can take his help and shove it up his—”
“Lizzie. Just because you’re angry doesn’t mean you can talk like that. Express yourself differently.”
“Sure. But not with him. I don’t want him to tutor me.”
“Your grades are falling—”
“Then let them fall. Look, I’ll find another tutor. There’s gotta be somebody else out there who can teach eighth-grade math besides that asshole.”
I gave up on berating her.
“No. He’s the last person on this planet I would ever accept help from.” She shook her head then dug her fork out of her bowl before cleaning it off with her napkin. Then she started to eat again, still wearing a disgruntled look.
I wanted my daughter to get the best education, but in that moment, it meant a lot more that she was so loyal to me, that she couldn’t care less about Derek Hamilton.
I presented all the internship paperwork to Derek for him to sign off on.
He read through each page then placed it in the approval pile.
Nothing went into the rejection deck.