Home > Closer to Nowhere(12)

Closer to Nowhere(12)
Author: Ellen Hopkins

   “Looks like Cal disappeared.”

   You should be so lucky.

   He can’t have gone very far.

   Unfortunately, that’s true.

 

 

FACT OR FICTION:


   The Floor Is Hannah’s Best Event


   Answer: Most of the time.

   I’ve only seen her mess up

   once or twice. She’s really good,

   and I think it’s because the floor

   combines tumbling and dance.

   You can tell she loves it.

   That’s her next rotation,

   and to make up for the dumb

   leotard (which I did accidentally shrink,

   to be honest), I ask Aunt Taryn,

   “Want me to video Hannah’s

   floor routine?” It’s on the far

   side of the gym, so shooting

   it on a phone from our seats

   wouldn’t be as good as up close.

   You want her to trust you

   with her cell? asks Uncle Bruce.

   I think it’s a nice gesture,

   responds Aunt Taryn.

   That’s a brand-new phone,

   and it cost a pretty penny.

   It belongs to me, Bruce.

   I’ll take care of it as I see fit.

   These two argue a lot. I wonder

   if they’ve always bickered,

   or if it’s mostly my fault.

   I’m pretty sure it’s me.

 

 

FACT OR FICTION:


   Uncle Bruce Wasn’t Happy About Me Moving In


   Answer: That is a fact.

   He pretends it’s fine, but I know

   what upset looks like

   what impatience sounds like

   how it feels when anger comes your way.

   I can see disapproval

   in his eyes

   in his body language

   in how he avoids touching me.

   It’s weird. I’m not sure if

   he worries he’ll hurt me

   he thinks I’ll freak out

   he believes I’m contagious.

   Doesn’t matter. I’m not asking

   for hugs

   for pats on the back

   to be tucked in at night.

   But I wish he’d make me feel

   understood

   encouraged

   wanted.

 

 

FACT OR FICTION:


   All Families Are Dysfunctional


   Answer: Can’t speak for all of them.

   I’ve only known two,

   which is

   actually one,

   broken

   in half.

   The left half

   is beginning

   to come unraveled.

   The right half

   has been ripped

   to shreds.

   A pair of threads

   connect

   what remains.

   Aunt Taryn.

   And me.

   She can never be Mom.

   But she comes close.

   Uncle Bruce will never be Dad.

   And that’s a good thing.

   Living with them

   isn’t perfect for any of us.

   But what is perfect

   when it comes to a family?

   I wonder

   if I’ll ever know.

 

 

FACT OR FICTION:


   Cell Phone Videography Is a Talent of Mine


   Answer: Guess we’ll find out.

   Aunt Taryn takes a chance

   and hands me her fancy phone.

   You know how to work

   the camera, don’t you?

   I don’t have a phone of my own,

   but I’ve watched other kids.

   I locate the little camera picture

   on the screen. “Push this.”

   Which gives me some options,

   all self-explanatory.

   I take a quick practice session.

   Still shot first. “Smile!”

   Aunt Taryn grins. Uncle Bruce

   looks surprised. Captured.

   “Now a quick video. Sing!”

   Instead, they make silly faces.

   Forever remembered through

   technology. “Okay. I’ve got it.”

   Be careful where you stand.

   Don’t get too close to the mat.

   “Understood. But I’d better move

   or I’ll miss her performance.”

   I hold the phone against my chest,

   do my best to keep it safe.

   I start down the bleacher stairs,

   and as I go, I hear Uncle Bruce say,

   Bet you a hundred dollars

   this doesn’t turn out well.

   I’ll show him! I’ll take the most

   amazing video of Hannah ever!

   I just have to find the right

   place to stand. Not too close.

   But not too far. And the rotten

   thing is, I’m sort of height deficient.

   Which means I have to find a space

   between one super tall coach

   and some guy built like a bulldozer.

   I move this way. That.

   Hannah steps into the corner

   of the mat and signals she’s ready.

   Her music—Imagine Dragons’ “On Top

   of the World”—fires up, and off she goes.

   Her first tumbling run is awesome,

   and I do a pretty good job of framing it.

   At least, I think I do. Now she does

   a few dance moves. I get those, too.

   She retreats into the opposite corner,

   preparing to launch her second

   tumbling run, and just as she takes

   off, the bulldozer dude pushes in front of me.

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