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Closer to Nowhere
Author: Ellen Hopkins

 

FACT OR FICTION:


   You Can Know Where You Are and Still Be Lost


   Answer: Take it from me.

   I’m Cal, and I’ve been lost

   since Mom died three years ago.

   Oh, I could show you exactly

   where this town is on a map,

   lead you through the maze

   of its streets, though I’ve only

   lived here fourteen months,

   three weeks and

   two days.

   I’m safe for now.

   But I don’t know

   how long that will last.

   I’m afraid

   if I start to believe

   I belong here,

   everything

   will change

   again.

   It’s like off in the distance

   I can see something

   that could be home,

   but every time I start

   in that direction

   it’s farther away.

   And no matter how hard

   I try to reach it,

   I only get closer

   to nowhere.

 

 

Definition of Hannah Lincoln:


   Wait a second.

   You want me to define me?

   Let me think.

   Okay, here goes.

   I’m Hannah Lincoln.

   Dad says we’re not related

   to the dead president

   and I believe him.

   I don’t look anything like

   Honest Abe.

   He was tall and skinny.

   I’m short and built muscly like

   a gymnast, because I am one.

   He had dark hair.

   Mine’s red, with highlights,

   like the color of a new penny.

   He had a beard.

   Um, no. Not even

   a hint of hair on my chin.

   But I am like President Lincoln

   in a good way. One time,

   my dad told me I was

   Honest as the day is long.

   When I said I didn’t know

   what that meant, he said,

   Trustworthy, twenty-four

   hours every day.

   I asked because I need to

   understand what stuff means

   and how things work.

   If I don’t get what someone

   says, I’ll make them explain.

   If I don’t know the definition

   of a word, I’ll look it up.

   If I don’t get the hang of a gymnastics

   move, I’ll practice until I nail it.

   That’s important because

   I’ve got a giant dream.

   Which doesn’t make me

   a dreamer. I’m a doer.

   Focused.

   Dedicated.

   Not afraid to work hard.

   My coach would tell you

   I’m all of those things,

   and that they’re exactly what

   it will take to qualify

   for the Olympics one day.

   Well, those, plus tons

   of help from my family.

   I used to count on that.

   My parents were my support

   system. Totally solid.

   We were a great team.

   But, like, three years ago,

   just before I turned nine,

   Mom’s sister got leukemia

   and died. And everything

   started to fall apart.

 

 

Definition of Status Quo:


   The Way Things Are [Were]


   Three years ago,

   this was the way

   things were.

   We lived

   (still do)

   in a nice house

   in a sweet neighborhood

   in a small San Diego suburb.

   Dad was

   (still is)

   a computer whiz,

   building systems

   all around Southern California.

   He had dinner with us

   pretty much every night.

   Mom was

   (still is)

   the person who made

   me love dance.

   She worked at a studio,

   teaching jazz and ballet

   to help pay for my own lessons.

   I went

   (still do)

   to a grade school just around

   the corner from home.

   I’d taken dance for five years

   and been in gymnastics for four.

   My parents came to every recital,

   cheered for me at every meet.

   They sat close. Held hands.

   I was okay being an only child.

   Today, this

   is our status quo.

   Mom quit her job

   to take care of Aunt Caryn

   when she got sick and needed

   a bone marrow transplant.

   She never went back

   to work. I wish she would.

   I think she was happier.

   I know Dad was.

   He has to work twice

   as hard now. He travels

   around the country, showing

   other people how to build

   computer systems.

   We eat too many dinners

   without him.

   But when he’s home,

   he and Mom argue a lot.

   Mostly about money and bills.

   I hate when they yell.

   I’m in Mrs. Peabody’s sixth-

   grade class, at the same school

   I’ve gone to since kindergarten.

   I still do dance and gymnastics.

   Mom drives me to every recital

   and meet. Dad misses some.

   When he’s there, they sit

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