“It would be a terrible way for me to go, so I will make certain she enjoys a nip. I am planning on inquiring for a confirmation my serpents are all safe for her after our fight. You will be given, frankly, a rather ridiculous dose, so you return to your suite and stay there for a few days.”
My eyes widened. “For a few days?”
“We are planning on taking your whelps to the Grand Canyon and several state parks while you are occupied. They need to be socialized more and learn more about how to interact with other gorgons, so it will help on that front while you get to enjoy your time of rest.”
If I got a full dose of all his snakes and their venom, there would be nothing restful about the next few days of my life. I rubbed my hands together and smiled. “How does this little demonstration work?”
“As the whining would be incredible should I actually bruise you, I will demonstrate my various defenses with some stoner bait before I do the same demonstration with you, showcasing your various immunities. There are a lot of people who wish to undergo petrification. It’s usually barred without a special permit, but the hotel opted to get the permits required. You will not be asked to handle any of the cleaning required, as there are CDC recruits who need to learn.”
Score. “This just keeps getting better and better.”
Archambault chuckled. “You will particularly like the part where you will get to beat on me to your heart’s content to showcase how durable gorgons are. I will lecture the humans on why it is unwise to do everything you will surely do, including braid my serpents.”
“French braids, and I’ll make sure they all get their appropriate attention and can bite as needed.”
“They are being more patient than usual, although I’ve found they do enjoy when they can bite you. And you, insane woman you are, like it.”
“Well, each type of snake venom is different, and I react to it differently. Darryl’s snakes hurt like hell and itch, so I really don’t like when he bites me. Yours is like getting a little drunk without the hangover.”
“Ah, I understand. The lack of hangover appeals to you, as you cannot indulge in vices without paying for it in unfortunate ways.”
“It really does.” My husband, who had his mother hanging off his arm, hauled her over while his father laughed. “Grandfather, please tell my mother you’re not going to kill my wife during a demonstration.”
“My toxin has been modified, and even then, it just makes her drunk. There’s nothing to worry about, my precious little one.”
I couldn’t tell which one of the precious little ones Archambault addressed, but I figured we all classified to him, allowing him to indulge in his vague tendencies to his heart’s content.
Quinn’s mother sighed. “Tell this son of mine he should be fighting instead.”
“If he fights and gets bitten, he may spontaneously combust. I do not think giving the grandson of an incubus an aphrodisiac is a wise idea.”
That caught my husband’s attention. “Who did what to your snakes?”
“There are those present who wish to experience being bitten by my snakes. As my bites typically kill a human, my snakes underwent a minor adjustment for the day. Instead of lethal neurotoxins, their venom is now a rather potent aphrodisiac. You can thank your uncle. I believe it was his idea, although he had some help from his brothers to implement it.”
“Is it weird that I love the Devil?” I asked. “He’s just pure fun wrapped up in complete and total naughtiness. Plus, he likes cindercorns!”
Quinn bowed his head. “You do not need any aphrodisiacs, Bailey.”
“Like hell I don’t.” I went on guard and warded my husband away with two fingers. “Stay back, fiend. You shall not pass or take away my playtime with your grandfather. Back, you!”
“You ran across the entire United States because you weren’t getting enough sleep, my beautiful. This would not help with that problem.”
“I do not need nor want help with that problem today or for the next few days. Babysitters, Sam. We have babysitters. Babysitters.”
My husband laughed. “If you’re really sure. You’re biting off more than you can chew, but I’m not going to stop you if you really want to participate in this insanity,” he warned.
“We can open presents while you’re catching your breath,” I taunted, well aware he’d view my words as a challenge and do his best to make sure he won.
When he won, I won, and once we returned to work, we would have limited time where it was just us, and I intended to enjoy every minute of it. Of course, I expected he’d make me pay for mouthing off.
What a way to go.
“You’re playing with fire,” Quinn warned with his sexiest smirk.
Evil man. “I can play with the cranky gorgons if I want to, and you can’t stop me.”
Archambault rolled his eyes, and his coral snakes jockeyed for position to win the rights to get in petting and cuddling time with me. To make the serpents happy, I took my time greeting them all, giving them kisses on their little noses.
“She’s going to teach everyone it’s a good idea to kiss gorgons if she keeps that up,” my husband complained.
“They will be educated on why this isn’t a good idea, do not worry. It will involve some young human lady wishing to have a good evening with her gentleman getting a nip on the nose for her troubles. Then I will teach them only members of a gorgon’s family may be so familiar with us.”
“Bailey would be pulling that crap even if you weren’t my grandfather,” my husband replied.
While he was right, I sighed over his insistence on spilling my dark, dirty secrets.
Somehow, probably from overexposure to my husband, I’d developed a keen enjoyment of cuddling up to gorgons and their snakes. “Just no bile I have to clean up, please.”
“Bile is definitely unpleasant, and I’ll just stay back here, if you please,” my husband said, taking enough steps back his grandfather couldn’t spit on him even if he tried.
“It’s not like your dirty secret isn’t already out, you know. Janet saw you.”
“I really did,” the cop in question said, and she wormed through the crowd and waved at me, dragging Amanda, my self-defense instructor and another cop, along with her. “I have brought a sacrifice.”
“You brought a walking bruise generator,” I grumbled.
Amanda grinned at me. “We’ll be back to making bruises in January, never you fear. I was recruited to be the referee, and I get to direct you in offensive tactics to conquer your grandfather-in-law.”
I liked the sound of that, but as I didn’t want to get nipped by a snake prematurely, I continued making sure all of my grandfather’s snakes were content. “Just call him my grandfather, as it gets to be a mouthful if we try to keep everybody straight. Quinn’s family is crazy, second only to the craziness that is my family. And he’s only partially crazy, because his family’s craziness starts with his grandfather. Mine started at conception. I have decided I’m the best parasite.”
“You’re hardly a parasite,” Janet replied.
“Oh, I’m not just a parasite. I’m the best parasite.”