“Yes, I have been educated on your skills at destruction. That is definitely from my side of the family.”
It amused me that my father seemed so determined to categorize all of my behaviors by who had contributed to my general inclinations. “We don’t talk about the skyscraper incident, however. It makes Quinn twitchy.”
“Yes. He is reminded he feared losing you, although he is very appreciative of the aftermath. He has come to terms with that, for the most part.”
“You’re nosy, aren’t you?”
“I am,” my father replied with zero evidence of shame. “I have a great deal of spying to do to catch up for lost time. As compensation for my ways, you will find you will often have easy access to a babysitter should you need one during the daylight hours, and your mother will likely show up to introduce herself soon. She can be shy, and she may try to stealthily make herself known. Your charming awkwardness comes from her. Just look for a woman who trips over her own feet when the moon is visible in the sky. That is likely her. She tends to manifest in a form that will not draw attention to herself, as she is somewhat shy and reclusive.”
“You are anything but shy and reclusive.”
“She does tend to enjoy hiding behind me for some reason, much like you do with your husband.”
“Well, I know where that tendency came from now.”
My father chuckled. “When you begin researching Audrey McGee, start with your husband’s career in the police force. The scheming began early, even before his union with Audrey McGee. His awareness of her first corruptions will be a better guide for the investigation than anything else.”
“And they were still together for a while before he filed for divorce.”
“Yes. He’s not the quitting kind, although she ultimately forced his hand. He could not enter his own home without being sickened by her crimes against him. You have done a great deal towards healing those old wounds, but a larger house for your new pets would not go amiss, so he can fully bury the reminders. With your twins and the two young gorgons in your care, plus Sunny, your charming kitten, and your new puppy, you will find yourself challenged in terms of space. If you would like, your mother and I can begin searching for a new home for you, one that will handle your familial needs without requiring you to move in a few years.”
“Let me guess: I will be incapable of stopping after the twins, because I look at him and get ideas, and then I’ll want to fight for every orphaned gorgon whelp to cross my path. Then I’ll end up with even more little gorgons under foot.”
“You have guessed correctly.”
“There are worse ways to go. Hey, do you like babysitting?”
“You will find yourself having a difficult time getting rid of me now, and your mother will do what I cannot.”
“Try not to cause a multi-pantheon war arguing over whose turn it is to babysit, please. I like Quinn’s family even though they’re crazy.”
“Your tolerance for the weird and weirder will serve you well in the future.”
“Are you game to come to Easter dinner? We invited Quinn’s uncle. It should be hugely entertaining.”
“I have not participated in that particular religious ceremony before, but we shall be there, although your mother will have to wait for the moon to rise to make her appearance.”
“I’m sure we can figure something out if the moon isn’t up during the day. If she can’t manifest, she can somewhat be present, correct?”
“It is tiring for her, but yes. I have more restrictions than she does.”
“Because the moon reflects the sun’s light?”
“Yes.”
“Will you two be wed? Or do divines not do that?”
“Would such a ceremony please you? If such a thing does, she is a most sentimental creature and would likely enjoy bringing me low as often as possible.”
“As it seems like she’d enjoy it, absolutely.”
My father’s soft laughter reminded me I’d never heard such sounds from my human asshole of a father. I announced, “Then you absolutely should, but only because she would like it. Then you’d make those pesky archangels bring you presents, because it’d be rude for them not to. You are family. And you’re not like the other part of the family. They’d just get smited.”
“I believe you mean smote,” my father corrected. “I was asked about your sensitivity to angelic song and their halos. Your mother’s ability to reflect my light is the primary source of those woes. I do not know if you will be able to overcome that, but you will find the angelic host will be cautious around you in the future. There are some benefits to their powers.”
“Like their ability to reboot my immune system when it fails?”
“That is one of those benefits, yes. One day, you may even learn how to do that yourself. It is within your grasp, although it will be more of a learned trait than a natural inclination.”
“I’m a badass.”
“You are, although those powers do come at a price.”
“Like being smited.”
“Smote.”
“Smited!”
Quinn peeked under the tablecloth. “Are you really arguing with your father over that? It’s smote.”
“Smited,” I replied, and I dared to lean forward and steal a kiss. “I win.”
“Smote is still the correct word, but if it means I get kissed when I argue with you over it, I see no problems with this. Are you ready for your next steak? It just arrived.”
I checked Quinn’s plate, which I’d picked clean of meat while talking to my father, and I handed it to him. “I left you some potatoes and green things.”
He took the plate, and he replaced it with one with a new piece of steak, which took up the entire plate and lacked any of the potatoes or green things Quinn often tried to feed me. “That is good, because I stole your potatoes and green things, and I will sit here and enjoy eating it all. I refuse to share, so you’ll just have to eat that big steak all by yourself.”
I claimed my prize, set it down, and rubbed my hands. “You are guarding our presents?”
“I am making sure your presents are safe and sound, and I’m even telling them you’re spending some time with your dad—and not the asshole one. I have to specify, because a lot of the cops hate your human parents.”
“Well, they are assholes, and someone told them about the courthouse incident.”
“I may have asked the cops in Queens to keep an eye on our neighborhood in case they decided to pay you a visit,” my husband confessed.
I sighed, rolled my eyes, and wondered how I’d gotten lucky enough to win someone like him. “I can transform into a unicorn, and I breathe fire. I can handle a pair of stupid vanilla humans.”
“They might have a gun,” he replied.
Being shot sucked. “I do not like being shot, and this is a very valid point. I do not wish to be shot.”
“Again, my walking bomb squad.” According to my husband’s expression, he’d be getting payback in some form or another. As his version of payback involved the bedroom, I’d enjoy every minute of his scolding.
“You can punish me for that stunt when we go back to our room and need a break from opening presents.”