I could think of a few things I might do to annoy Ra, and one possibility rose over the others. “She tells you no, doesn’t she?”
“As a matter of fact, yes.”
I twisted around and tugged on Quinn’s leg, and when he leaned over and lifted the tablecloth, I said, “Do you like when I tell you no?”
“When it’s important and you’re right, yes. When you’re trying to convince me that you’re not the perfect woman for me, no. What sort of no are we discussing here?”
“The first category,” my father answered.
It was well enough he’d answered for me, as I would have found some way to insert my foot into my mouth. “What he said.”
“Yes, I do. I told you at our first wedding, an asshole like me needs a bitch like you, Bailey. I want you to be you. If I wanted someone who wasn’t you, I wouldn’t have married you twice. I love you. Please enjoy my steak, and another one will be here somewhat soon. Apparently, when the groom asks for more steak, we get to jump the line of hungry people. I could get used to this.” Quinn grinned at me and dropped the cloth, leaving me to chew on his words.
“He’s weird,” I informed my father.
“He would have to be to enjoy how hard of a time you give him.”
Oh, wow. I would feel that burn for at least an hour, maybe for an entire day. “You’re even worse than the fucking assholes. Did you teach them their tricks? I bet you did. That was a good one. I’m going to use it on Quinn at the first opportunity. He should get to marvel at the majesty of that one.”
My father chuckled. “I do enjoy when I get to toy with the Judaic pantheon, especially the archangels. They are delightfully prudish while also having an interesting sense of humor. I find myself quite amused over how conflicted your husband is, as he is heavily influenced by several pantheons. Even the influences within one of those pantheons creates chaos for him. The devilish side of his ancestry, in particular, clashes with his angelic side. Anubis’s influences help temper that so he is able to tolerate his conflicted nature. The Sphinx? She holds a great deal of responsibility for his protective nature. As you are also the product of multiple pantheons, he will require a high tolerance for the absurd. And trust me when I say your mother’s side of the family is rather absurd.”
“And yours?” I asked.
“My side of our family is perfection, of course.”
Of course. “Right. How could it not be perfection? What did you want to discuss?”
“I have spoken with some of your husband’s relatives about the current situation, and while there are rules I must abide by, there are ways I can involve myself. Mostly, it involves information and giving you a general direction to apply your natural tendencies. There are three issues that need to be addressed, and I would rather you be ready for them than flail around. I have been warned you often indulge in aimless flailing.”
I both hated and loved my father’s honesty.
After a few minutes of thought, which I spent devouring my second steak of the evening, I could think of two possibilities that might warrant Ra’s attention. “The rabies outbreak and that asshole chief?” I guessed. “That’s only two, though. I’m not that math inept, I just can’t think of anything else that important.”
“Yes, those are two things you should be addressing. You should also be investigating how your husband’s former companion became involved with gorgon dust manufacturing. That is the third issue. The third issue is, in some ways, a larger issue than the other two, but as my child has a tendency to rescue rabid animals from dumpsters, the rabies situation is my current top priority.”
As I couldn’t argue about my animal-rescuing ways, I focused on the one damned woman who kept haunting me. Even dead, my husband’s ex-wife insisted on creating trouble. “Audrey again.” I wrinkled my nose at the memory of her having deliberately used gorgon dust and becoming a gorgon with a general plan of using me as a surrogate to gain access to my immunities. “You have no idea how relieved I am that my gorgon-incubus doohickey does not require threesomes to successfully procreate.”
My father chuckled. “He is likewise grateful, as he is entirely incompatible with gorgon society despite his position as a future king. I spoke with his father this morning while you were getting dressed. He is a most interesting man. He is human, but when he is exposed to mild transformatives, his serpents make an appearance. Asps. I was given a demonstration. It seems your husband’s family does that trick to make certain they are aware that the line is intact despite the current king being mostly human. Gorgon politics are quite intriguing. Your husband’s cobras are superior, and few can compare. While his father appears mostly human, your husband is rather prized. I will get to see his true shape soon enough. That will make things interesting for you, as he will be in high demand among gorgon females.”
“I will light them all on fire if they even think about it.”
“That is something you have gotten from me. I am quite jealous when anyone looks at your mother.”
“I’ve been known to show up as a cindercorn to defend my territory,” I admitted.
“You get that from me.”
I pointed at my husband’s legs. “He likes it.”
“He does like being the center of your universe. So, back to serious matters. I recommend you begin researching how Audrey McGee became involved with gorgons, as she was unaware of your husband’s heritage. They were not close. Love had nothing to do with their union, although it is one of his regrets in a way. The regret fades day by day and will soon be gone, as he comes to terms with the role that union played in his union with you. He would not have had the patience or the fortitude to handle you without having coped with someone like that woman. He learned much about patience and tolerance from that relationship.”
“I’m very good at testing his patience.”
“Most would not be proud of that.”
“I’ve been doing better. I only make him sigh a few times a day now, and I have to work at it now. Either he’s become even more patient, or I’m doing better at being a reasonable adult. Do you think caring for two gorgon children will help when the helpless human babies come along?”
“You will be fine. Yes, caring for them will help you handle your offspring, although I would not assign them as humans. They will be adept shapeshifters and will need to learn early on how to control their powers. The first time they witness you or your husband shift, they will do their best to mimic you, as that is what young things do. They will not have your struggles with shapeshifting.”
“But will they be legally human?”
Legally human mattered; while we had weird abilities, Quinn and I still classified as humans. Barely. When it came to the law, classifying as human made a huge difference.
“In the eyes of the law, they will classify as humans. All of your children will have a majority of human genetics, but they will be shapeshifters. You’ll find you’ll throw many fillies, and your first son will take after his father more than you. The fillies will be proper little cindercorns, although you may find the existence of wings to be vexing, especially as they grow older.”
“Winged cindercorns could take over the world. I’ve seen what I can do to a skyscraper. Give me enough napalm, and it’s gone.”