But this makes things easier. Him not being here. There won’t be any forced good-byes or awkward silence. It will be just me, leaving.
“I think it has more to do with your departure than football,” Helen says, giving my shoulder a quick squeeze.
“Wait, Helen,” I say, remembering my art project. “I have something for you.”
“Bring it downstairs. Let’s have a coffee.” She gives me a smile, and I nod in return.
Helen shifts past me and goes downstairs as I head back into my room to grab the project. But when my eyes land on it, I see the other things I’ve left out. My other gifts. I’m not sure they could even be called that.
I collect a few things, set down the project, and slip into Noah’s room. I doubt that he’ll be back before I leave, so I might as well do this now. Get it out of the way. Before I have to say goodbye to Helen. And Gene.
I swallow, sitting down on the edge of Noah’s bed. It’s already made, and his room is perfectly tidy, except for his uniform. It’s littered over the corner of his floor, like he took it off standing and just left it where it fell.
I inhale the smell, letting my eyes scan over his barren space. His TV. His wardrobe. His bed.
Everything here feels so familiar.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve sat on this bed. Watching Noah play his video games. Lying in bed, talking. Getting into pillow fights. Jumping on the bed together. Helen walking in and yelling at us. Studying.
I get up off his bed, not ready for all of that to come rushing back to me. Not ready to say goodbye to those memories. To know that they’ve come to their end.
I set down the key to Harry’s country house first. Harry hasn’t messaged me. He hasn’t called. He didn’t show up last night, furious with me, demanding an explanation.
And I didn’t go to him.
I didn’t say anything.
I stare at the key. My hand aches to pick it up and take it. It’s the most special gift Harry’s given me. It’s one of the only things I have from him.
But I can’t do it.
I don’t deserve to have it.
I lay down one of my shirts next, making sure it’s perfectly folded. I don’t know why I’m leaving it. Maybe because Noah asked for it before everything happened. Before everything blew up.
I pull a piece of paper and a pen out of my pocket and walk over to his dresser.
There’s so much I wish I could say. So many things I wish I could change. But one thing hurts me the most. One thing neither of us will forgive me for.
Our first and last kiss was in anger.
And I’m sorry.
Mallory
I leave the note, shirt, and key on his bed, give his room a once-over, and then leave. I go back into my room, grab the project for Helen, and my purse, and I head downstairs.
“Perfect timing.” Helen smiles at me when I get to the kitchen.
Gene is pouring three cups of coffee. He sets two down on the table for us and gives me a smile before making his way into the living room. Both Helen and I listen to his chair give as he takes a seat. The sound of the paper opening up and a happy sigh float in from the living room.
Helen’s cheeks tint pink at the noise. I can’t help but grin at her.
But then her eyes connect with mine, and her smile disappears.
“Didn’t sleep well?” she asks, her eyes scanning across my face.
“Can you tell?” I cringe, wishing I had thought to put on cover-up to hide my dark circles.
“Mums can always tell these things,” Helen offers, placing her hand on mine. She gives my hand a squeeze before returning it to her coffee cup.
“Just one of those nights,” I reply. “But I did finish Taming the Duke. I left it on Mia’s desk. Figured you might want to keep it to yourself.”
I smile at Helen, hoping to cheer her up. Because she looks sad, and all that does is make me feel sad. And I really don’t want to feel sad right now.
“Oh!” Helen’s face brightens as her eyebrows shoot up with interest. “What did you think?”
“Very romantic.” I grin, taking a sip of my coffee.
“It always is in romance books.” She sighs happily. She brings her coffee cup to her lips, drawing in a small sip. But then she refocuses her attention on me. “So, are you prepared for your flight? Do you need anything? Cash for the car? Maybe a snack for the flight? Airplane food can be rather unappealing,” she says, her nose scrunching up.
“I think I’m good. I’m all packed. I’ve got my phone, passport. And I don’t eat much on flights. I’ll just grab lunch at the airport before. I’m not big on airplane food either.”
Helen nods, but she doesn’t look happy with my answer. Her forehead gets a large crease in the middle, that same frown from this morning coming onto her mouth.
“I wish there were more I could do. I feel rather useless this morning,” she admits.
“I think you’ve done enough for me,” I reply sympathetically. “You’ve been more than a host to me, Helen. You’ve been like … a mom.”
I bite my lip, willing my voice to stay steady.
“Oh, dearest,” Helen says, the frown deepening. “We are really going to miss you around here. It’s been truly wonderful, having you here the past few weeks.”
“It feels like it was so much longer than that.” I laugh, feeling struck that my time here is actually up.
That I’m actually sitting here, saying goodbye to Helen.
“You’re quite right, dear. You’re quite right.”
Helen’s brows pull together, and I almost wonder if a tear is going to escape her eye. They’re shinier than usual, and watching her emotions grow makes me feel in less control of my own.
“Helen,” I start, clearing my throat. “I am so sorry for the mess that I have caused. I hope you know that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t intend … or want … to ruin anything. To leave like this.”
“Hush,” Helen replies, shaking her head. “I know this.”
“And I made you something. It’s not an apology—or, well, it wasn’t meant to be. I made it before everything happened. Though now, I suppose it could be an apology. Anyway, it’s a collage I made in Art.” I flip over the collage that’s on the table and hand it to Helen.
She takes it in both her hands, her eyes scanning over it.
“It’s supposed to represent Greece. Noah said your favorite color is pink and Mia’s is purple. So, I thought I would make you a sunset to represent your relationship with her. How her being there is kind of coming full circle for you.”
Helen searches my collage as a tear slips down her cheek.
“You made this for me?” she asks.
A smile forms on my mouth with her question.
“Of course I did. You’ve been amazing to me. And I’m really, really going to miss you. Mia is lucky to be your daughter.”
“Oh my.” Helen drops the collage onto the table.
She stands up and pulls me into an embrace. Usually, I would pull back. I would shy away from the emotion, from the support, but today, I don’t. I let Helen hold me in her arms. I hug her back.