I grabbed him by the back of his neck, pressing our foreheads together. “Maybe all I see in you is a payday and a rough fuck.”
He kissed me. It was abrupt and clumsy and desperate.
I fisted my hand in his hair, pulling his face away from mine with a sneer. “An untrained whore as well. What do they teach you in that palace?” But I didn’t give him time to answer. Entirely engulfed in my character I kissed him. Slowly at first, and then aggressively. Biting and sucking on his tongue before cutting it off in the middle and tossing him aside. I was so wrapped up in Sehver I didn’t even think of the damage I might have done to his hair or head by doing such a thing.
I started to come out of the performance and my cheeks burned. I looked right at Mel and he had his hand over his mouth.
Shit. I’d fucked this up. I pressed my eyes closed and swallowed my sorrow. I was a professional.
I opened my eyes and put a smile on my face. I could act my way out of this. “Thank you so much for letting me read. It was a dream to play Sehver for a moment.”
“No. Thank you.” Quell gave me what felt like a genuine smile and took my hand again. “I know you hear this all the time, but we will be in touch.”
I laughed, glad to have worked with him for the moment. He was something to aspire to. He was the real thing and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over it.
Not getting a call back was like a bad break up. It was all the buildup of falling in love with the idea of playing a character or seeing your life start to form with someone and then getting ghosted. Total silence. You’d think after this many years at it I’d be used to it. But I wasn’t.
It was time for ice cream in bed. Maybe re-watching every movie Quell was in to study his technique. The highs and lows of acting sucked balls when you were in a low.
But I was barely home with ice cream when I got a call.
Three
HALE
Three weeks in and I still couldn’t believe this was my life. Nothing with Quell was awkward. I was getting paid to be on a show that had already sold the pilot. We were set for two seasons which we were filming back to back, because Quell was busy, insanely so, he was booked out for three years with contracts. If we got a season three, he’d have to fit in filming between movies. I suspected he was the type who didn’t know what to do with himself when he wasn’t working.
“You’re not in a scene anytime soon, right?” Quell had bags under his eyes and a slump to his shoulders. He looked exhausted. This episode we were shooting was highly intensive with his scenes, and his costume looked entirely uncomfortable with his snug coat hugging his chest, showing off his cut body, and the cravat tied tight around his throat.
“I think I’m done for a little while.”
He pushed his fingers into his hair at his temples and then drug his fingers down his face. A gesture I’d seen him do a hundred times at least. “Come…” he trailed off, studying me. “Come have a drink with me.”
I wanted to say yes but I hesitated, much as he had. “I have more scenes…”
“As do I. A drink won’t kill us.” He leaned in close enough I could smell him. I was sure he could sense my hesitation. “I promise not to get you too drunk.”
“I’m starting to think you are going to be a terrible influence.” I said it with a smile so he’d know I was joking.
“You wound me.” His lips twitched up.
I wavered. I wanted to be friends with him, and he was trying, but drinking on set? “Lead the way.”
“That a boy.” He clapped me on the shoulder like I was one of the guys. No one had ever…I liked it. I wanted more.
“I better not lose my job over this,” I said mostly joking.
“We looked for a month to find you and you’ve blown me away.” He glanced over out of the corner of his eyes.
“Thank you.”
He got the hint of a smile on the corner of his mouth. “But don’t tell Ella. She’ll kill me.”
“More scared of Ella than you are of Mel?”
Quell nodded. “Fuck yes. Mel loves me. I brought him this script after all. I didn’t tell him I’d been reading it for five years straight.”
“Have you?”
He pulled open the door to his trailer, which not only was way nicer than mine. He was the star after all, but it was decked out. I gave a low whistle as I looked around.
“Yeah, I’m kind of a big nerd.” He lifted both shoulders with a smile. “I own it. I even host my own tabletop game night.”
“Do you really?” I took the tumbler he offered and sat when he gestured at the sofa.
“I do. Being famous doesn’t discount who we were before we got here. Do you know what I mean?”
I leaned forward to rest my forearms on my knees as he sat across from me, not taking a drink of what he’d poured me. “I’m not sure everyone follows that philosophy.”
He held up his glass. “I’ll drink to that. Don’t lose yourself to this business, Hale. Money buys a lot of things, but it doesn’t replace self.”
I clinked my glass with his and brought it to my lips. I was doing this. I forced myself to take a sip of the whiskey. It burned all the way down. I was a bitch when it came to drinks. I liked my sweet drinks or my wine. But I wasn’t about to say that to Quell who seemed to be all man about these things. At least he was comfortable drinking alone with an openly gay guy. There were plenty of straight guys who weren’t.
I shouldn’t have been surprised. He was down to play out the fling our characters had later in the book. I wasn’t sure it would make it into the script, but he’d read the book. I forced myself to stop thinking about it. Getting naked with Quell was an overwhelming thought, to say the least.
“I think you might be the only famous actor I’ve met who hasn’t lost himself,” I said.
“Or maybe they were cunts before they got into acting. This business attracts a lot of narcissists.”
“I’ll drink to that.” I laughed because it was true.
He clinked his glass against mine again and downed the rest of it before going to refill it. He held up the bottle, and I shook my head. This would be enough, and I didn’t want to give myself a bad name.
“Good, don’t let me or anyone else push you to make bad decisions.”
“Is this my induction into acting? This isn’t my first go around. I’ve been in other things,” I said. Small things, but I had been.
He laughed, with his whole body and shook his head. “No, I watched some of your other work after we decided we wanted you. To be sure. I like to do my homework and wanted to see your range.”
I winced, taking another sip of whiskey to shut myself up.
“I see that look. What has you embarrassed?”
“There are some parts I’m not exactly fond of, but it was work.”
His eyes lit up as he leaned forward, mirroring my position. “You have to tell me which.”
“No, you’ll go watch.”
“I’ve already seen everything.” He got up and went to the bar he had set up on one end of the mini kitchen.
“What?” I forced myself to stay sitting.