I want to see you as more than neighbors. More than friends. I want there to be an us, Hope.
I’ve never been more emotionally and physically attracted to a woman than I am you. The second our eyes connected a week ago, I’ve been addicted to you.
From the second you let me kiss you, I’ve been obsessed.
I won’t let you push me away, even though that’s what you’ve been trying to do since the first day. I’m certain you’re supposed to be mine, Hope. And I’m just as certain, I’m already yours.
Please, give me a chance. Allow me to show you that we’re meant to be.
Always your possessed neighbor,
Reed.
Placing the letter to my chest, I lean back into the couch and soak up the feelings I read pouring off the page from him.
Picking up my phone, I send him a short text.
Me: Thank you for your letter. It means a lot to me.
And I finish it with a small purple heart.
It’s seconds before he responds to me.
Reed: Lunch tomorrow? Please?
Me: Yes. I have a massage appointment at ten. MShack at noon?
Reed: Wouldn’t miss it.
He adds his own blue heart, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I won’t tell him about the baby at lunch, but I could invite him to dinner and fill him in then.
6
Reed
I stared at my phone for hours last night before falling asleep. Reading Hope’s short messages to me, waiting for her to send another. Wanting to send her more. Nothing happened though, and more than ever, I wish I could have been by her side.
As I sit at my desk, waiting for the hour hand to turn, needing to see her for lunch, I’ve never had such an excruciatingly slow day before.
“Time moves slower if you watch it.” Colby tosses a balled-up piece of paper at me. I barely catch it before it hits my face.
“Just need to see her is all.” I explained what happened to him on Friday, and when I came in this morning, whistling, he was surprised I was in a better mood.
“Yeah, sure, man.” He laughs because he doesn’t understand the depth of feelings I have for Hope. He and Tillie have been together since they were eighteen. While I don’t doubt their love for each other, I don’t think their teenage feelings could compare to my very adult ones. Or maybe I just need mine to be stronger in order to believe we can weather any type of conflict.
“Time to go, man.” My head shoots up at Colby’s words, and I stand so quickly that my chair bangs against the wall behind me.
“Back in a bit.” I’m rushing out the door and towards the mall in no time. Arriving early works to my benefit because I can grab more flowers and a table in the food court before Hope arrives.
I’m about to check the time on my phone again when I spot her. Long dark hair in a messy bun on top of her head. Baggy sweater hanging off one of her shoulders, fresh face, and a cautious look in her eyes.
Eagerly striding towards her, I grin when she blushes as I hand her the flowers. Without a word, I grasp the back of her head and pull her in for a deep kiss, exploring her mouth as I drag her body closer.
Tangling tongues, breathy sighs, and her hands squeezing my arms as she tries to maintain her balance, I finally pull away to see a dazed look on her face and sense stares all around us. “Fuck have I missed you.”
“You have?” I fucking hate how uncertain she is.
“Big time. How are you?” I ask, guiding her to the table I’d chosen for us.
“Fine. Tired.” I frown. I don’t like her being tired.
Helping her sit, I pull out a chair next to her and clasp one of her hands in my own. “I am so sorry about last week.” I kiss her knuckles when she sucks in a sharp breath. “Carla and I were over years ago. I don’t understand why she keeps coming back, but I think she’s gone for good this time after I exploded on her.”
Hope chews on her lip for a minute before saying, “Okay.”
I can see in her eyes she’s battling something substantial, and I’m not sure how to get her to tell me what’s on her mind. “It doesn’t have to be okay, Hope. You can be mad. Hell, be pissed. But don’t appease me.”
Her mouth opens and closes a couple of times before her thoughts form, and she speaks. “I’m not. After some time, I figured that what I saw might not have been what was happening.”
“You did?” Now I’m confused.
She nods. “I’m always missing something. Not understanding what I see, even when it’s obvious for everyone around me.” Pulling her hand back, she drops them both in her lap. “I have alexithymia.”
“What’s that?” I ask before she can explain further.
“I was born with it. Doctors said I have some wires crossed in my brain, which, in turn, makes it extremely difficult for me to identify emotions. In others and in myself. And retaining relationships, even friendships, is nearly impossible because I’m always misreading emotional cues.”
And now everything makes sense. I suspected it was something like that, but I had no idea there was a medical explanation.
“I require a lot of reassurance, Reed. I don’t mean to, and I don’t like it, but I’ve had so many people tell me one thing only for them to mean the opposite, and they expect me to understand where the truth lay. I’ve lost plenty of friends because I moved on from a problem unresolved too many times.”
“That sounds really lonely.” I can see the sadness in every line of her body. She may not be able to read emotions, but I can read her, and what I see is disturbing. “So you pulling away, even when you suspected you didn’t read the situation correctly, was you trying to understand what happened?”
“Yes and no.” She blows out a deep breath before answering. “I didn’t answer you because what I saw, what that woman did…my body ached. My chest felt like it was cramping. As if there were a vice slowly tightening, and I didn’t know how to make it stop. I didn’t know that what I was feeling was a broken heart.”
Brushing a hand down my face, I feel like shit. She was going through so much without even knowing how to identify what was happening. I should have pushed harder to see her.
“I’m sorry. So fucking sorry that I hurt you like that.” My voice cracks, and I lean forward, pressing my forehead to hers. “I swear, I’ll never hurt you again. Not ever.”
“I believe you.” She whispers the three sweetest words I never knew I needed to hear.
7
Hope
“How did it go?” Luca’s voice echoes in my car as I drive to the grocery store. Lunch with Reed went far better than I imagined.
“It was good.”
“Did you tell him?” Luca has been on me all morning to explain my secrets to Reed, and he’s right. But I can only confess so much at once.
Sucking in a sharp breath, I prepare for him to give me heck. “I told him about the alexithymia.”
“But not the baby?” he growls.
“No, Luca. Not the baby. I didn’t want to do that in a public place. That’s not an easy thing to tell someone, you know.”